Insenitive or just blind? - Real Mum story on MoM

8 Comments

My husband works away and returns only every couple of months. I know he is doing this so I can stay at home and so our family can have a bright future, but I would be lying if i said that on more than a few occasions I resent his lifestyle.

My main issue with this whole situation is when he calls on the weekend or at night when he has finished work he says things like “Im just going to have a shower before golf, Ill give you a call later”

Ok you say?? Yes its understandable that he has a life during the months he is away but does he know how it strikes me straight in the heart that I very very rarely get a peaceful shower, with out a little “mum, mum’ mum in the background? Does he know my days are filled with trips to the park, nappy changes, cleaning, cooking, calming fights, Doctors appointments etc etc etc?

How i would love a day when i could get up as I please then maybe do some shopping (not groceries) or get my hair done or just read a book in peace!

It is starting to make me resent him as more than once we have had the conversation that his family would rather have less money and have him home. I would be more than happy to go back to work to help our family survive, but for some reason it seems like an absurd idea to him.

He doesnt see the tears in his daughters eyes when daddy isnt there to share her birthday. He doesnt see the hunched shoulders his son has when all the other fathers are at a preschool dads day.

I cant make him be a present father to his kids, neither can i make him miss me enough to want to be home.

I want a life back again. I want to be able to spend the occasional time on my own. I want to have a social life again, I want him to share in his children’s achievements, not just on the phone, but hug and kiss than and whisper to them how proud he is.

I love my husband dearly I just miss what we had and what he is missing out on.

Posted by cairnsbliss, 17th June 2013

8 Comments

- - hopefullyheidi said
  - 25 Oct 2015
    11:00 am
I think it will only worsen if you don’t be very upfront about your feelings. The resentment will only get worse. Good luck with it all.

- - mom94125 said
  - 20 Jun 2015
    5:16 pm
it is hard on the whole family but bills need to be paid! make the most of family time when he is home!

- - mom57522 said
  - 04 Jan 2015
    9:01 am
That’s so hard. Does he have an idea of what he’s missing?

- - mom93821 said
  - 26 Dec 2014
    8:03 am
I suggest you have a sit down and frank discussion with your partner about how you feel about family life. Good Luck!

- - Michelle said
  - 28 Jul 2014
    8:13 am
I hope things have improved for you.

- - janecody said
  - 16 Apr 2014
    1:14 am
Just wondering how things worked out? Did you get your hubby to come back home or did you move to be closer to him. Hopefully you were able to work something out. I hope you are at least getting some alone time for yourself.

- - jodie80 said
  - 22 Mar 2014
    4:17 pm
oh i feel for you you must feel lonely have a chat with him

- - raineee said
  - 17 Jun 2013
    10:35 am
I fully understand what you are going through. My daughter was 3 when my husband (now ex) first started going away for work. His company would send him over seas for 3-6 months at a time. He would call me saying he was going sight seeing, or out to fancy restaurants or to the hottest night spots. At first i was excited for him and wanted to know every detail, but as the months went on i started to get resentful. Not only was i stuck at home with our daughter but i also had his 2 other children living with us that i was responsible for. I decided that if he was out ‘working’ and having fun then i too would try and do things i wanted to while he was away. I enrolled my daughter in pre school 2 days a week and joined a gym. I also rang up so old friends and started catching up with them. My husband wasnt happy but he wasnt around to argue the point. My argument was i needed to keep sane, i needed adult conversation and more than he could offer than his 4-5 phone calls a week. It got to the point where our daughter thought daddy lived on a plane and at the age of 5 told her Kindergarten teacher her dad was a pilot… thats when i think it his home for him and after 2 yrs he decided to give away travelling so much.

Dont feel bad about resenting him, find an outlet and make sure u have adult friends to communicate with. You can try and talk to him about it, but i found the answer was always the same.. ‘i am doing this for you and the kids’ my idea was he had the best of both worlds. He was a married man living like a bachelor and although i trusted him as far as being faithful he just didnt get IT