Hello!

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Okay, so this is a very intriguing one, that my partner and I have very different views on, how do you plan on talking about sex? Or what is okay and what is not okay for someone to do to them? (I know scary thoughts!) I remember in primary school a kid groping me on my ‘bottom’ and knowing that it wasn’t okay and that I had to tell the teacher, which nothing was done about it other than don’t do that :/. I know it wasn’t innocent and reasons behind it, but what would you do? I didn’t tell my mum as at the age I felt like once a teacher knew it was fine. But I wouldn’t be happy with it, so brings me into the idea as to how to explain this to your children, I know you have to start you but how? What are your ideas? Do you drop it like a bomb? Gradually work about it? How do you explain babies and so very much more?


Posted anonymously, 21st June 2015


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  • Gradually work up to it. The older they get,my he more questions they’ll ask. Deal,with them as they come up. I’m sure you’ll find a way to explain it all to your kids.

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  • my 8 yo found out by watching the “where did i come from?” video at her friends house when she was in yr1. she had not long turned 6.. i was disappointed with the family and also with the fact that i didn’t get to have this discussion with her first. although i am grateful in some ways that it is all out in the open now. my 3yo knows that babies can either came from a mummy’s vagina or from their tummy but she doesn’t know how they get there etc. it really shouldn’t be such a hard thing to discuss but unfortunately it is.

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  • I have been teaching my daughter who is allowed to help her in the toilet. If she doesn’t like anything or something she doesn’t feel comfortable with happens tell a teacher and mum/dad. We have taught her the correct name for her bits. And that some behaviours that are inappropriate even by people we know. There is a line between scaring and sharing. So we stress it from time to time but jot all the time. If that makes sense

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  • Information is gradual and age appropriate.

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  • I have yet to have the birds and bees talk to my kids, but I think it’s time for my 10 year old.. although, he just thinks bums are funny

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  • I think as soon as they are old enough to understand. Especially if they are going to be in childcare centres and when going to school.

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  • I have from as soon as my daughter understood advised my daughter that her bottom and vagina were her special places and no one was allowed to touch her there without permission. Even me, when she had an infection and I needed to put Canestan down there I asked her permission to do so. I have always used the correct names for the female and male anatomy.

    I have only just at the start of this year had a chat about puberty with her which was hard, but I told her what to expect, because I could see her body starting to change. I told her what to look out for (white dishcharge before periods, hips widening, pubic and underarm hair and the period) and we together got a libra starter pack online. She just recently asked me for a girl talk, and told me she now has white discharge and is scared her period will come soon. It makes me glad I was so open and honest with her about what to expect because she felt confident enough to tell me about this. I reassured her and she has an action plan if she gets it when I am not around.

    Recently my niece found out about sex from a school friend who showed her a book with all the gory details. My neice is known not to keep secrets so I am worried she will tell my daughter before I get a chance. She seems to know more than she is letting on, however I personally feel she is not ready. I know I will need to talk to her about it when she is 10 or so at least. Again I will go in open and honest, I always try to allow her to feel comfortable enough to come to me to ask questions.

    I research ways to explain to children before going in, I arm myself with some responses and try to remain calm, if you appear stressed and uncomfortable your kid can pick up on it and will feel uncomfortable talking to you about these things. Good luck

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  • Hi mom,
    Many parents teach their children that touching of their private parts by others (if it makes them feel uncomfortable) is a no no..but what about when they must be seen and touched by a doctor?
    This web site I find very helpful and may help you explain when you need to.
    Teach your child The Underwear Rule.
    http://www.underwearrule.org/source/text_en.pdf
    children where others should not try to touch them, how to react and where … children it is not okay if someone looks at or touches their private parts or asks them to look at or touch … that some adults (such as carers, parents or doctors) may have to touch children, but children should be encouraged to say “No” if a situation.

    Teach your child The Underwear Rule.
    About one in five children falls victim to sexual violence, including sexual abuse.
    You can help prevent this happening to your child.
    Teach your child The Underwear Rule.
    The Underwear Rule
    How to teach The Underwear Rule . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2
    Why The Underwear Rule?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
    What to do if you suspect abuse. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6
    Where to find material and information . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
    1.
    The Underwear Rule is a simple guide to help parents explain to
    children where others should not try to touch them, how to react
    and where to seek help.
    What is The Underwear Rule? It’s simple: a child should not be
    touched by others on parts of the body usually covered by their
    underwear. And they should not touch others in those areas.
    It also helps explain to children that their body belongs to them,
    that there are good and bad secrets and good and bad touches.

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  • I think that you sort of notice aa they get a bit older, year 4 they start hearing about it from other kids… I guess it is good to sit down with them and explain the basics.

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  • You just have to be open and honest and tell them straight out it is not appropriate behaviour to do that and for some one to touch you there. But keep it simple and light. Usually the school help too by educating kids about this too

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  • I think you start small and simple and work your way from there as they get older and more mature. I think the biggest thing is making sure they know they can tell you anything, even the big things and scary things. Also, don’t encourage them to keep secrets. In our house we tell our children that we don’t keep secrets from each other. We might have surprises when it comes to birthday’s, and Christmas etc, but not secrets. That way if someone else asks them to keep a secret, hopefully they will tell us because they know it’s not normal. Definitely not an easy topic, nor one you really want to think about!

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  • yes tell them that their private parts are for them and not for others. Tell your children that they can tell you if anything happens and they can say no they don’t like things. personal space and all that

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  • Answer their questions when they ask them.

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  • I think its best to age appropriately tell them as soon as they can understand
    the earlier the better and make sure they know to tell mum dad and a teacher (if at school)
    maybe even tell nanna too if need be
    They should know that their parts are private and if they feel uncomfortable with any sort of physical action, someone needs to be told
    as they get older its easier but start as soon as youthink they need to know and they can understand

    Reply

  • It’s best to start gradually and make the conversations more complex as they get bigger.

    Reply

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