I have always been independent, even after I became married Our finances remained separate.
I had several bank accounts, one for bills, one for savings etc. We lived comfortably
I became pregnant unexpectedly at the age of 38. Which was wonderful. I had a full time job which I planned to go back to part time. 2 days before maternity leave my boss tried to make me sign a new contract. When I read it,I found out I was being underpaid. I refused to sign and to cut a long story short she made myself and another staff member redundant when my baby was 3 months old. Being a small business there was only a small amount of redundancy. Fair work couldn’t help us with getting any more more.
I was lucky enough to get some temp work which has gone on 4 two years. I get to work from home on weekends which is awesome and I am very lucky. I have tried to get more morn but nothing so far.
I don’t earn what I used too and I now have to ask my husband for money at time. I hate asking. I dislike that I have to ask. I guess it’s pride, but also the fact that I have lost my independance regarding money.
I know it’s not a big deal I am adjusting. I am greatful for what I have

Posted anonymously, 25th April 2015

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  • You should not feel embarrassed about asking for money. You and your husband are a team and one helps the other and vice versa.


  • Your husband should be contributing towards paying the bills. If he isn’t paying other bills etc. he has been “using ” you as a meal ticket. What is he doing with the money he earns. You need to “swallow your pride”, sit down and discuss the situation with him. You are going to get very stressed and that isn’t going to help any of you including your baby who will pick up on your body language


  • It is a big deal for you. Especially since you were set up separately financially before the baby. In some ways a baby requires couples to be more dependant on each other, particularly financially. Imagine if your partner paid you for the ‘childcare’ you do?
    We were very together before the baby with finances But it is still a huge adjustment! I still feel the need to ‘earn my keep’ sometimes even though that’s not true. Good on you for being realistic about the difficulty finance and baby brings :)

    • I know what you mean about ‘earning your keep’.


  • Partners are there for each to lean on and support in every situation; through the highs and lows and ups and downs of life. Getting support in any situation is not giving up independence; it is being clever enough to know that we all need love and support at various time and being wise enough to accept love and support.


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