Dear Moms

I am writing this because I am sure that there’s other moms out there who are currently going through the same as me.

My daughter is 13 years old, in year 8 and shamefully I have to say that I simply cannot trust her due to past issues.

She is a lovely child and I have brought her up trying everything in my power to teach her how to be responsible and making the right choices.

Since she started high school this year everything just went from good to worse. She takes things that doesn’t belong to her and without asking. Time and again I catch her going onto inappropriate websites, creating Facebook accounts without permission. Getting a boyfriend after we discussed that her education is more important and things like that can wait until later in life. Small things that add up. When her dad and I talk to her and trying to explain to her the seriousness of what she is doing is going to get her in trouble one day and sooner than she thinks. Practically begging her to always do the right thing and thinking twice before she does something. It always ends up in her crying her little eyes out and promising that she’ll change. Things go good for a week or so until I find out that she’s again up to no good. We never shout at her and try to give our kids everything we only dreamed of BUT they have to proof to us that they deserve it. When she misbehaves or does something that gets her into trouble the consequence is always taking away something that she likes very much like her phone for example. I myself wasn’t close to how she is. I can honestly say that I have never been drunk in my life and never even set a foot in a night club or bar. I just had no interest in anything like that. Our situation has got to a stage where I have no trust at all. And this feeling make me fearful of what she’ll do next. I don’t want to feel this way. I love my daughter dearly and with all my heart but I am tired of trying when she just carries on the way she does. I lay in bed every-night fearful of whats going to happen next, worrying if she will make the right choices tomorrow. I worry so much about her that I really have trouble getting a good night’s rest. Is there any mom out there going through the same and do you have any advice as I really don’t know what to do anymore.

Posted by lvanhuizen, 15th April 2013

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  • I would be checking if she is in fact in her room when you go to bed. I know of a lass who used to sneak out of her room, sometimes via the window and go and catch up with her friends. Thankfully she never got herself into trouble but it could easily have happened.


  • The early teenage years can be difficult – just keep trying.


  • Being a teenager is a tough and hormonal journey. I would suggest getting your hands on lots of resources; books, videos, professionals and get the best advice. Being consistent with teenagers is important, listening but having rules and not changing the rules. Get help with this if you need it, sometimes getting support and help does work.


  • I can fully sympathise with you, we had many issues with our daughter when she was a teen. My advice, keep doing what you’re doing, never give up. I happily report my troublesome teen is now a stunning 22 yo, working in aged care to put herself through Uni, studying nursing. There is light at the end of every tunnel


  • I was a terrible, horrible nightmare of a teenager too. Unfortunately, only advice I can give is,,,,she’ll hopefully grow out of it and be one the wonderful,person you have been working to raise. Worked for me :)


  • Leonora and for anyone else raising a girl like mine – she is 9 going on 19 – this is the most brilliant book I’ve read.
    Raising Girls, by author Gisela Preuschoff – she is an amazing writer and has helped me great deal.
    She has a chapter on this very topic here. I feel a little more at ease after reading this section before my daughter gets to the boyfriend stage…which won’t be long I think.

    • Thanks for posting this info about this book.

      • A good book to have in your parental resources.


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