Hello!

16 Comments

My eldest daughter is nearly four years old and is from a previous relationship, in which I left due to domestic violence issues. She is developmentally delayed and from that has been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and she is also lactose intolerant. Every fortnight she goes to her dad’s for the weekend, and I have told him a few times of her lactose intolerance, and yet he still gives her dairy products, she comes home from her dad’s complaining of a sore stomach and a bit of a rash.
I have a set routine for her and everytime she comes back it takes nearly the whole two weeks to get her back into it and makes me feel like the bad parent because I have to set so many boundaries because there are little to none when she goes there.
I don’t begrudge him wanting to spend time with her, I’m all for it I just don’t know what else to do. I could really use some advice.


Posted anonymously, 9th July 2014


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  • I hope by now your ex has started to comply a bit and work with your daughters needs, in terms of her lacotose intolerance and more set boundaries

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  • That is terrible that your ex has so little thought for his child’s well being he would keep giving her milk when you have told him of her intolerance to it. Maybe send some of the milk/yoghurt etc with her when she goes to dads place. And stress the importance of him using it. I hope he sees sense soon

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  • I hope it has all settled down for you.

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  • nice exellent

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  • nice story

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  • nice story i enjoyed it

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  • great story to read

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  • A lot of my friends complain of similar problems, trying to get kids back into routines. Don’t know that anyone has found a solution yet.

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  • I know it must be hard for you, could you send your daughter over with the milk she is meant to have etc…. Maybe he just really doesn’t understand what to do? Some men need things handed to them.

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  • My son has austim aswell it’s all bout routine maybe talk to ur ex and see if he try’s to stick to a routine

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  • It is very frustrating, and because she is developmentally delayed she doesn’t quite understand why she can’t have certain foods.
    I appreciate the advice, and glad I have other mums I can talk to about this.
    Thank you

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  • This must be so frustrating for you to see your daughter suffering due to her fathers incompetence. Get a Dr’s letter, write a list of foods for him to buy & document. Hopefully you don’t need to take this to court.

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  • Agree 100% This is excellent advice. All the very best of wishes to you and your daughter and hoping for a good outcome.

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  • Arcticwynter is spot on. I would do exactly that and take copies. It sounds horrible but having just been through a custody case that was put on me by me ex and I won I now know the importance of documenting and keeping copies of everything and i hadn’t previously done that in the years before the case. There is also of course the very paramount issue of the health of your little one. If it’s outlined in black and white for him by the treating Dr, it should make it easier for him to comply and there should be no reason that he shouldn’t. I also have a son with allergies etc and I do understand the frustration when the other parties approach differs, which is so incredibly frustrating. I can imagine it’s also quite stressful trying to get the rash and the sore tummy under control. Very best of luck.

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  • I would be getting the Doctor to do a letter for you to give to him and have it outlaying all her medical problems and what she can not have due to her intolerance. I would make copies before you give him the letter and maybe give him a copy as than you have proof of what he has had and also you put a note in stating what she can have in place of these things and if you have to send them with her for him to give her but also so he know’s what he is looking for in the shops


    • Good advice as it must be awful to suffer with the side effects of having dairy foods.

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