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A rainbow baby is a baby born after a loss. We call them rainbow babies because they bring us joy after extreme sorrow.

Oliver is our rainbow baby. The light in our darkness.

He was born on December 27 – the perfect Christmas present – 1.5 weeks early after a 6 hour labor. He is perfect in every way. His sister, Madeleine, would have been 11 months old.

Madeleine is my angel baby. Born on the 22nd of January, a perfect little girl, the daughter I always wanted.

Except my baby Madeleine, never got to take a breath. Some people say that God thought she was too beautiful for earth.

Madeleine is my first child, a child that was very much wanted before she was ever made. We discovered her presence in my womb only a week after seeing a doctor to asking about fertility assistance!!

My pregnancy with Madeleine was relatively drama free other than a few episodes of slight bleeding.

When my due date came and went , I was feeling rather anxious to meet our bundle of joy!

Finally the day came! On Saturday 21, I woke my husband up at 7am telling him I had cramps but that ‘this time it was different’ they weren’t painful but I could tell that it was different to the Braxton hicks I was experiencing earlier in the week.

So off we went to hospital. I could feel the excitement in the air !

I was placed on a CTG monitor and we saw that Madeleine’s heart beat was great and that I was having mild contractions. I had a dr check me who said I was 2cm dilated. She did a strip and stretch and concluded by saying that we could go home.

Both my husband and I felt uneasy about this so we asked to stay in. We were answered with an excuse of ‘not enough beds’ (maternity was almost empty that day!) and that I needed to go home.

We decided to watch the nights Chinese New Year festivities near the hospital so that we could go back ASAP. Nothing new happened so we went home with anticipation for the first time we laid eyes on our beautiful daughter.

On Sunday morning at about 3am I felt three very strong and painful contractions. We called the hospital who said the contractions still weren’t far enough apart. We stayed at home. Worst decision of my life!

By 6am I noticed that Madeleine wasn’t moving. I decided to wait until I had breakfast as often she would move once I had eaten.

Still no luck.

We went back to hospital and they confirmed our fears. Our daughter had died.

I now had to face the harsh reality of having to give birth to a dead baby.

My memory is hazy when it comes to the actual delivery.

Going home the next day was the hardest. Our baby should have been in our arms.

We were surprised three months later that we were blessed with the pregnancy that would soon result into our rainbow baby! A gift from Madeline!

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Posted by joellev, 14th March 2013