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Article The 5 biggest mistakes that parents make about sex education

By Cath Hakanson
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There are common mistakes that we all make when it comes to talking to our kids about sex.

Here are the 5 biggest mistakes that parents make when it comes to talking to their kids about sex:

Mistake #1: Assume it’s only about sex

Sex education is more than teaching your kids about sex. It is about giving your kids the skills to be able to make strong friendships and to one day have loving relationships.

For primary school kids, this includes learning about being male or female, learning about their bodies, their body parts and what they do. Sex education helps kids recognise and manage their feelings, get along with others and most importantly, know the difference between public and private spaces, behaviours and parts. It helps them understand rules about touching. Learning about the actual ‘sex stuff’ doesn’t happen until much later.

Mistake #2: Give ‘The Talk’

Let’s be clear. You simply can’t do sex education with a big one-off talk (even if you think you’ve covered everything).

When looking at how we teach our kids about sex, I find it useful to think of how we teach kids about road safety.

Do you sit down with your child, teach them about road safety in one talk and then let them cross a busy road by themselves?

Of course not!

You have lots of frequent and repetitive talks about road safety that slowly build up and reinforce their knowledge until you are confident that they can make the right decisions when crossing the road.

Sex education happens in much the same way. You do it in lots of small, frequent conversations. If you can teach your kids about road safety then you can teach your kids about sex in healthy way that keeps them safe and happy.

Mistake #3: Let kids get ‘educated’ elsewhere.

No matter how uncomfortable it makes us feel, at some stage, all kids will learn about sex. If they don’t learn about it from you, they’ll pick up messages and values from their friends, TV, the Internet or magazines. These messages are often inaccurate, misleading and confusing. And the chances are that the values they learn will not be the values that you want your children to learn.

By talking with your child you can help them to make sense of this information, put them right, and make sure they haven’t got some strange, wrong or risky ideas. They’ll also know that they can come to you with their questions.

Mistake #4: Put it off.

Sometimes even just the thought of sex education can make it seem easier to do nothing or to wait until the puberty fairy visits!

Get used to talking to your kids about the easier topics before they want to know about the ‘sex’ part! Preschoolers are more curious about the differences in anatomy between boys and girls or in how babies come out of a mother’s body than in the mechanics of sexual intercourse!

By starting early, you will find the trickier stuff much easier to navigate, later on.

Mistake #5: Feeling inadequate

Sometimes parents think they need to know an awful lot to be a great sex educator, but you only need three things to get started.

  1. A basic understanding of the topic
  2. A willingness to initiate conversations with your kids.
  3. Knowing where to go to find the answers and resources.

And trust me, you already know more than your kids do. You have experiences that count: puberty, first time sex, being in love, pregnancy, childbirth…

So what now?

Now that you’ve discovered some common mistakes parents make, you can try to avoid them. And if you have already made some of these mistakes, well now you know what to do about it!

All that you need to do now, is to start talking! And don’t forget, that you already have a basic understanding of the topic (you have kids, so of course you do!).

Have you discussed sex education with your children yet? Do you have any tips to share? Please comment below.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.com

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Comments

  • Great tip. My kids are 6 and under so won’t be talking about it any time soon but still great to know.

    • I’m glad you found the article useful!

      And sorry to be bearing bad news ;), but kids are usually very interested in how babies are made by the age of 6. You can put it off, but if you can start talking to your kids now at this age, in an everyday casual sort of way, it will make your job as the ‘inhouse sex educator’ much easier, later on! Check out this age by age guide to see what you can be talking to them about – http://www.heysigmund.com/kid-needs-know-age-age-guide-sex-education/

    Reply

  • Good advice. I’ve been lucky in that my kids have always asked lots of questions, so I’ve just answered them. They keep asking so I’ll keep answering and hopefully that continues.

    • Yes, do keep on answering those questions. You’re lucky, as not all kids will ask! Thanks for sharing your experience!

    Reply

  • I know I didn’t sit down with my kids and give them a talk. They often came to me and asked questions, which I answered as age appropriate as I could. I never shut them down tho! We read books about it and watched DVDs when they started asking questions, and I answered a lot of questions during this time. Must’ve worked, my kids didn’t sleep around, no accidental pregnancies, no STDs. I think I have 2 well rounded sensible kids that I’m extremely proud of

    • Thanks so much for sharing your experience of just talking about sexuality as an everyday thing! Your end result is exactly what the research says will happen – well adjusted kids! Congratulations and again, thanks for sharing!

    Reply

  • Definitely don’t shut off your children. When anything sex related comes up in a conversation, answer as best and truthful as you can age appropriate for your child/ren.

    • Oh so true! And remember that kids don’t usually pick up on any of your embarrassment until around puberty (and then they can spot it a mile away!) Cheers!

    Reply

  • No we haven’t yet. But I will take these tips on board. Thank you

    • And remember, it is a slow process. It is about gradually increasing your knowledge and confidence, and slowly starting to talk with your kids. The earlier you start, the easier it is when you get to the tricky stuff later on!

    Reply

  • Talk little and often and answer questions openly and honestly from a young age.

    Reply

  • I had the talk with my daughter when she was in year 5. I deliberately spoke in a “matter of fact” way so that she didn’t feel that the information was taboo. She has since approached me when she has had other questions and I feel that this is a good sign that she feels comfortable discussing sex and relationship matters with me.

    • Yep, you have summed it up in a nutshell! By taking an everyday approach, we are telling our kids that it isn’t anything to be ashamed of! And that they can come to us with their questions! Which is what you have done!

      Congratulations! Your daughter is lucky to have a mum like you!

    Reply
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