The importance of taking a moment for ourselves as mums

It is so important as mums that we take a moment for ourselves.

Picture this…

Your child is having a ‘sensitive’ day, they want more cuddles than usual or they cry at the drop of a hat. You haven’t had any time to yourself so far…. and you need to go to the toilet.

What do you do?

1. Go to the toilet with the door wide open, making yourself constantly available to your child, in case they need you…

2. Go to the toilet with the door closed and take a moment for you… It’s just you in the bathroom. Ahhh… A moment of solace. A moment when you are the only person you need to look after. A moment to breathe your own breath.

How many mums actually take the second option? And if we do, what do we do when there is a crying child on the other side of the door?

Do we still take a moment for ourselves or make ourselves physically available to our child mid stream?

What I do most of the time is seize the moment to have some down time! Some time to just be a woman and not a mother, as I have learnt these moments can be a precious commodity during days like these. The only reason I would open that toilet door is if my child was getting to the point of hysteria (which I must say is very infrequent!).

Could this be called harsh, insensitive…even selfish?

I am sure there are some people who would answer yes to this, but I am wondering how many of us mums are really able to put firm boundaries in place with our children to have some ‘me time’, even if it is just a few moments in the toilet?

The truth is that being a mother can be challenging and the 24/7ness of it all can never fully be prepared for. It is a job filled with lots of pooey nappies, sleepless nights, worry, anxiety, copious amounts of joy and warm innocent cuddles.

So it is important for us mums to remember that before we had children we were WOMEN.

We need to factor in time for ourselves to just be women. This may mean we get up a little earlier than usual and have a peaceful, uninterrupted shower or bath.

It may mean that we organise a babysitter and go for a walk, a walk that does not include pushing a pram or a nurturing treatment such as a facial.

Something that screams I AM A WOMAN in this moment and not just a mother!

And in order to do this we need firm boundaries with our children and our partners. Boundaries that say I completely deserve time for me to feel myself to be the delicate, sexy woman that I am inside (underneath the sleep deprivation, snot, vomit and poo).

I have found that the more consistent I am in allowing myself this time the more I am able to handle the strains and stress that can come with being a mother (and everything else that we do). Because as mums we generally have more than one job, we may also be a wife, a daughter, a lover and a sister. For me I am also a writer, counsellor, and baker…

But first and foremost we are WOMEN!

Let’s celebrate this fact by taking a moment for ourselves everyday to feel the precious women that we are – even if that is just by going to the toilet by ourselves!

Do you find time to just be YOU? Please share in the comments below.

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44 Comments

- - meedee said
  - 09 Jun 2022
    10:53 am
I used to wait until after dinner and then go for my shower. Every night my youngest would be screaming almost as soon as I was in the shower and she wouldnt calm until I was out of the bathroom. This happened every night until the night I lost it and got angry with my husband. I asked what the hell was going on that every single night she would be fine and as soon as I got in that shower the shit would hit the fan. Why could he not look after them for 20minutes without drama? From then on it was calm when i would go shower. It was him and not the kids. ggrrr

- - ella12 said
  - 04 Apr 2017
    4:41 pm
I tend to do it after the little one goes to sleep – read or have a bath. Occasionally I will see a movie with a friend so I don’t get overwhelmed.

- - mom94378 said
  - 03 Nov 2015
    10:09 pm
I am a big fan of “me time”. Its essential and an example of positive selfishness.

- - hopefullyheidi said
  - 25 Oct 2015
    8:32 am
I’m a full time mother and am employed full time, doing it by myself. I have recently decided that on Tuesday’s it is my night to converse with other adult and I go to a class about faith. I had to hire a sitter for this, but it is somebody who has known my son for some time from his after school program. He thrives on it, as they do different things together, and it breaks the routine from just him and I.

- - 4littlemunchkins said
  - 11 Oct 2015
    5:42 pm
Yes we are mothers but we are also women, to be a good mother we can’t neglect ourselves.

- - mom113055 said
  - 06 Oct 2015
    6:23 pm
moment for ourselves important

- - mom160421 said
  - 05 Oct 2015
    4:46 pm
Totally agree that as much as it is rewarding to look after others, it is just as important to look after ourselves.

- - mom113055 said
  - 01 Oct 2015
    9:29 pm
moment ourselves

- - Toni Rowland said
  - 30 Sep 2015
    9:14 pm
Thanks for sharing

- - Carolineb said
  - 30 Sep 2015
    6:52 pm
Very important to have some time for yourself if you can.

- - mom66977 said
  - 17 Sep 2015
    9:16 pm
important but doesnt happen for me
- Robyn Jones replied
  
  18 Sep 2015 , 8:32 pm
  Yes it is important. For our physical and mental health. It is for us to take responsibility for allowing ourselves the time and space for nurturing ourselves. To know that we are in fact worth it, because taking a moment for ourselves actually builds our sense of self worth. So if in the beginning it feels challenging and things keep getting in the way, keep going as I have found with commitment it does get easier.
- - mom81879 said
  - 11 Sep 2015
    5:09 pm
I don’t know how to be anything but me! Bit embarrassing for some people. But I try to please myself whilst keeping those around me happy too
- mom94125 replied
  
  15 Oct 2015 , 1:22 pm
  yep it is the fine line to walk hey
- - mom113055 said
  - 10 Sep 2015
    11:08 pm
importance

- - rovermum said
  - 09 Sep 2015
    9:34 am
Yes, I do. As I get older and my son gets older, I find it absolutely necessary to take time for me. Life was so busy and stressful. I now try and slow everything down and take no guilt in including time for me. Whether it’s a beauty treatment, yoga, reading a book, magazine or the newspaper, or just saying I’m in the other room watching a movie. It’s essential for my well being.
- Robyn Jones replied
  
  09 Sep 2015 , 8:34 pm
  Time for us, as women, is essential to our well-being. I absolutely agree with you.
- - mom158079 said
  - 09 Sep 2015
    12:29 am
Well said Robyn, I must say.. what messages are we sending to our children if we are not living even a basic form of self-love? Are we not saying that it is not OK to honour what we truly need to support us? Even as a baby children can pick this up.
- Robyn Jones replied
  
  09 Sep 2015 , 8:32 pm
  This is so true. We are the most important role models that our children can have so we need to be very careful in what we are teaching them. To self-care or not? We all really need to stop for moment and ponder the answer to this question and make changes if necessary.
- - aliceou said
  - 08 Sep 2015
    7:57 am
I agree with all the points.

- - robyn_smithwick said
  - 07 Sep 2015
    11:49 pm
I agree with Robyn!

- - mom101628 said
  - 07 Sep 2015
    10:59 pm
I have read the comments here and feel that I am now vindicated.
As a mother with 4 children I had rules which everyone adhered to – when I am in the shower, toilet or in my garden – that is my time – only interrupt if you or one of your siblings are dying! That was in the early 70’s.
My kids and I have a wonderful time now – I am a part of their life but not used, and we have wonderful get togethers and discussions, and help each other out.
But my time is mine and I have always given them ‘their’ time too.
- Robyn Jones replied
  
  09 Sep 2015 , 8:36 pm
  I love what you have written here about instilling firm boundaries with your kids and also allowing them ‘their’ time. This is so important. And by you being a role model in this way they learnt by your example.
- - mom156631 said
  - 07 Sep 2015
    8:44 pm
Love the sound of that Robyn “What I do most of the time is seize the moment to have some down time! Some time to just be a woman and not a mother”. I’m getting a lot better at this and I’m no longer the mother of a young child – it’s turned out to be life long relevant !
- Robyn Jones replied
  
  09 Sep 2015 , 8:38 pm
  It certainly is life long relevant. As women, we usually have a lot on our plates so getting into the habit of taking a moment (or many) for ourselves regularly is so very supportive and much needed!
- - maryphilip said
  - 07 Sep 2015
    4:09 pm
Thanks for the great article. As a mum with young kids it is hard to find time for “me time”. But I find that I function better if I could at least have a 15 min for just myself.
- Robyn Jones replied
  
  09 Sep 2015 , 8:42 pm
  I agree we need to find the time for ourselves as there is always something we could be doing instead. Today I took a ‘me’ day. I had a treatment with a friend and then went out to lunch at my favourite place to eat. There was no indulgence in my day, just making myself available to me, to refuel, to give myself my time. Tonight I feel so replenished and this is a great feeling.