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Article The Secret To A Healthy Mother And Daughter Relationship

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The mother and daughter relationship is always special; especially when to be a successful mother your ultimate goal is separation.

Unfortunately, some mothers and daughters never seem able to transition their relationship from an adult mother/ young daughter

into an authentic adult mother /adult daughter relationship.

The letting go of your baby (no matter what age she is) is not easy from a Mum’s perspective and may be a reason why many daughters have challenges with their mums:

  • Mum tries to parent me.
  • Mum can be overly critical.
  • Mum can be very demanding.

Whilst from a mums’ perspective:

  • My daughter doesn’t listen to me.
  • My daughter seems to make poor choices.
  • My daughter never has any time for me.

I am sure these cries sound very familiar especially if you are both a mum and a daughter. Whether you’re a grandmother, mother or daughter, 17 or 77; I am sure you can always make improvements when it comes to your mother and daughter relationships.

If you are looking for ways to create a loving, respectful relationship with your mother and/or daughter I recommend the following six steps:

Spend 1-on-1 quality time together

In today’s time poor era, at times this may not be easy, though the first requirement in developing any relationship is getting to know each other. We do that by spending time together, getting to know what each other’s passions and inspirations are.

Listen to each other

By this I mean really listen when they are talking, don’t sit there thinking of what your answer will be. Take time to empathise, with what they are sharing. Ask questions. Repeat what you have just heard, in case you may have misinterpreted what they were sharing with you.

Connect on an authentic and honest basis

Remember you have been connected since day one, always come from that loving place. Share honestly, the other person may initially be taken a back, although once they reflect on your courage for being so open and honest, they will embrace your comments and lifestyle.

Release the need for blame and guilt

We only really have the present, this is our gift (hence why it’s called the present). We can’t change the past and we can only predict the future. So stay present in every conversation. Of course we can learn from the past, though there is no need to continually bring up something that happened when someone was in a learning phase of their life. We will always grow more from a perceived negative, so look at the growth that happened and stop the blame game.

Laugh, sing, hug and dance together.

All of these are Oxytocin boosting. Oxytocin is a natural hormone in our body and is called many things including the love hormone, and bonding hormone. Oxytocin is released when we give birth and the reason why we have instant bond between mother and child. Try to make every connection an Oxytocin one as opposed to an over adrenalised one. If you require a visual image remember this; a dolphin is full of Oxytocin and a Shark is full of Adrenalin. Pretty easy to figure out the best way to live your life!

Honour the fact that we are all unique individuals

Respect and honour each other to know that just because we have shared DNA, that does not mean we are going to be alike. Come together on a basis of wanting the best for each other, not wanting to make them into a carbon copies of you. We all have dreams and aspirations, so respects them enough to encourage them to fulfill their own unique dreams and aspirations.

It is never too early or too late to have a loving relationship with your mother or daughter. Remember we really only have the PRESENT, so start to introduce these principles into every encounter and you will be amazed at how quickly your relationship moves to the next level.

Actually, follow these steps with every interaction, no matter what the relationship you have with them, every day.

And guess what, the world will start to change, we will all start to have more love, gratitude, appreciation, fulfillment and harmony in our lives.

Cheers to that!

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.com

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Comments

  • Very thoughtful article. Mother/daughter relationships are often very complex but with these suggestions it can just make the relationship a lot easier.

    Reply

  • I think I have a good relationship with my daughter. It’s not always so good though as I am particularly over protective which has cause issues in the past. But I am working on that

    Reply

  • Kellstar,
    does your daughter have any medical problems and/or on any presciption medication.
    Speaking from first hand experience some medical conditions can cause considerable memory loss as can also some medications. It is very frustrating, often for sufferer and those around him/her.

    Reply

  • Enjoy your relationship if you can they grow too quickly.

    Reply

  • I can relate to the mother and daughters perspectives on their relationships at the start of this article. I feel like that and I’m sure my daughter does too

    Reply

  • This also covers some Mums with their sons as well.
    I have 3 daughters and im glad to say I have wonderful relationships with them all including their partners…phew

    Reply

  • With my mum its better now we are older but still have our times but I look after her she lives on her own but doctors, shopping I drive her. We go on holidays with her and my daughter. Go out for lunch. My Daughter have great relationship but at moment love/hate teenager moods change quick.

    • Hi Girl, like very relationship the mother /daughter relationship goes through many phases.

      It is one work working on and making a special effort. It is great you are there for her as she is getting older and requires you to take her to her appointments

    Reply

  • I think your advice would be great for all relationships within a family, be it daughter, son, husband, wife. Making time, listening, respectful conversations and enjoying each other’s company. Life gets so busy and messy sometimes we forget how important these relationships can be.

    • yes zeelah I agree, it is for all relationships. Thank you for highlighting this for everyone

    Reply

  • I have a horrible relationship with my mother and a wonderful relationship with my daughter

    Reply

  • I am close to my mum we would have daily chats over the phone but not so much these days as she had a couple of strokes and now finds it hard to communicate I really miss my daily chats
    It really makes so sad that I cannot talk to her like we use to

    I miss my mum

    Reply

  • Absolutely love the comments here. My daughters & myself have great relationships. I treat them a lot like friends as well as daughters :) They are the best things to have come into my life. They keep me happy :D I would be totally lost without them <3

    Reply

  • Great article!! I think it’s so important to have one on one time with my daughters – and my son too! They grow up way too fast!!

    • I agree SMIGGLEZ, they do grow up way too fast…. though the first year seems to go on forever and then before you know it they are leaving home!!!

    Reply

  • i love this article. thank you for some very handy tips

    Reply

  • Actually some times it is to late to any relationship with certain people in our lives. Just because you share DNA and/or shared a time of your life does not make someone family and you owe them nothing. You do however have the right to be happy and being happy is what you owe yourself.
    i liked the suggestions of oxytocin inducing activities, i will try to do more of these with my step daughter.

    Reply

  • such an important article. Its important to maintain a good relationship between mum and daughter!

    Reply

  • sounds awesome and looks great

    Reply

  • You lost me at step one sorry…. it’s horrible to say but I can’t stand to be around my mother for every long & I truly hope my daughter & I don’t get like this. As much as I love her, I can only handle her in small doses. She seems to think I speak rudely to her all because she can ask me the same question 3 times within 1 hour & when I tell her I have already told you twice now, she starts to cry.
    It is more than that though, she’s always making decisions for me without notifying me, she seems to not trust me eg. she has opened an account in my daughters name so she can put the birthday money she gives to her each year in it even though my partner & I have opened account for our daughter already…. is also very judgmental & always criticizing my mothering skills, she criticized me once for not bathing my child one night when she was little. Told me I should bath her everyday. Oh & don’t get me started on the advice she gives….. It makes me cry to think how much I hate her at times.

    • Dear KELLSTAR

      I can understand your comments, and personally can relate as I used to be like that with my mother. I found the more I worked on myself the less and less I reacted to her comments and eventually realised that she was coming from love even if it was a completely different perspective from where I would have come.
      Knowing and loving who you are allows you to grow in so many ways, which in turn improves every other relationship in your life.

      There is only one person in our life we can change. Realising that is the key to a joyous, prosperous and fulfilled adventure!!

    Reply

  • Great to read. With my daughter we have a great relationship but every now and then we get into yelling matches so good to read this article to show me that things are more important than yelling over small stuff. For me to remember the good times and make more great times.

    Reply

  • great article. we should be happy with our kids and we as mothers, play a vital role in our daughter’s life and we also teach her to be maternal etc

    Reply

  • Thanks for a lovely and very informative article. I love my adult daughter and feel we have a wonderful relationship. :-)

    Reply
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