What is a healthy friendship?

Great friendships are priceless, they can lift your spirits, make you laugh, and they are there for you when you need someone to talk to.

Everyone needs to have at least one great friend they can trust and rely on, an awesome BFF!

Friends make you feel comfortable with yourself, so you don’t need to act like something you’re not. Your friends know your shortcomings and love you anyway.

You are perhaps the “best version” of yourself when you’re with your friend.

As Mother Theresa said, “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.”

So what does a healthy friendship look like and how do you maintain a friendship so that it lasts a lifetime?

Be your own best friend first. Learn how to respect yourself.

Decide what boundaries are important to you and respect them. Understand what values are important to you, and stick by them. Seek out others who honor those values.
Remember the Golden Rule – treat others the way you would like to be treated. Do not treat them above or below you, treat them like an equal.
Realise that nobody’s perfect, everybody has quirks and flaws, and accepting each other’s flaws is key to a good friendship.

Do not judge your friend.

Respect each other’s opinions. Your friends are allowed to have a different opinion to you, which is what makes us all individuals.
Realise that even the best of friends can’t be together 24/7. Develop other interests and don’t be jealous when your friend has other hobbies or other friends.
Communication is really important; your friend can’t read your mind. If something is affecting your friendship, tell her.

Be a good listener when she needs to talk.

Be trustworthy. If a friend tells you a secret, make sure to keep it. Never tell someone a secret your friend wanted you to keep.
Don’t even leak it out to someone you think you can trust. A secret is a secret.
Keep your word. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. Follow through with it. You know what they say, actions speak louder than words.

Don’t talk behind your friend’s back. Gossip is toxic and can ruin even the best of friendships.

Best friends will have disagreements and even argue from time to time. This is not the end of the world, arguing in a healthy way can actually makes friendships stronger as you express what you both need to say and it is an opportunity to learn more about the other person.
Know that you’ll probably go through rough patches. Bear in mind though that sometimes you will have to give your BFF some space so that they can have time alone. Being a best friend means understanding when a little bit of time alone is a good thing.

Ask yourself these questions and hopefully, you have the same answers as I do:

Can you talk about your feelings with this person? YES

Does your friend accept you as you are? YES

Do you enjoy her company most of the time? YES

Does this person seem to understand you? YES

Is this person really what you want in a friend? YES

Does this person say good things about you? YES

Does this person ever try to make you feel bad about yourself? NO

Is your friend jealous or possessive of you? NO

Does your friend pressure you to do things you do not feel comfortable about doing? NO

Best friends are the most valuable friends you have, but they can’t help or support you in every aspect of your life.

Do not expect them to always be there, or expect them to say the things you want to hear.

If you set expectations for your best friends that are too high, it will only leave you disappointed if these expectations are not met. This comes back to being your own best friend and taking care of yourself.

Remember to laugh, listen and be kind!

We may get commissions for purchases made using links in this post. Learn more.

29 Comments

- - tessie said
  - 23 Oct 2017
    11:18 am
I had a best friend who filled all of the above until 7 weeks ago. She was the only one I’d ever had that I could trust with anything. She filled this spot for 40 years. No-one else comes even close.

- - mom101628 said
  - 11 Jan 2017
    11:37 pm
It’s a great article – and very thought provoking. I have some great acquaintances but not a BF any more.

- - mom112217 said
  - 20 Jan 2016
    9:39 am
Good article,a good friend is some-one you can trust and enjoy being in their company!

- - mom81879 said
  - 20 Nov 2015
    9:43 pm
I don’t have any friends, my choice! I find all friendships go toxic at some stage or another so I just avoid them all together

- - fizgig said
  - 31 Jan 2015
    5:24 pm
Your BFF is the person who knows all your faults and loves you all the same, who can share the good times as well as the bad times and always has your back!

- - kylie_baust said
  - 28 Sep 2014
    8:15 pm
I am so blessed to have a few friends that fit in this category. I dont know how i would deal with life if i didnt have these amazing women apart of it!

- - mom57522 said
  - 27 Sep 2014
    10:17 am
Isn’t it funny how around some people you can’t relax and just be yourself.

- - mom93821 said
  - 27 Sep 2014
    5:24 am
Interesting and thoughtful article with good tips.

- - Kate Sander said
  - 04 Sep 2014
    9:06 pm
I loved this article and have great friends too, just like this.

- - mrsdew17 said
  - 21 Aug 2014
    9:45 pm
The list of questions to ask about friendship is pretty scary!

- - curlytops said
  - 19 Aug 2014
    1:49 pm
I really like MOther Theresa’s saying and that is how you should treat friends.

- - lizzyg said
  - 19 Aug 2014
    10:40 am
so many people rely on face value rather than develop a friendship. We need to teach our children the difference between fair weather friends and real friends who ;love and support you through good times and bad.

- - rachkap said
  - 19 Aug 2014
    12:57 am
Excellent tips, thank you for this

- - no1ladydj said
  - 18 Aug 2014
    11:15 pm
While it is incredibly important to recognize and maintain good friendships, it’s also vital to know when a friendship is toxic or has “run its course”. I used to think that friendships had to be maintained, no matter what, but when a friendship is not bringing you joy, when it’s causing more problems than positives, then it’s time to really think about whether it’s in your best interests to keep the friendship going.
- cloverstorm replied
  
  19 Aug 2014 , 9:26 am
  I completely agree. It can be hard to do but some friendships do run their course & sadly need to be ended. A former friend of mine never wanted to do anything I wanted to do & we always did what she wanted. I was not enjoying this friendship for quite some time unfortunately.
- - queenofspeed said
  - 18 Aug 2014
    11:07 pm
It would be nice to have a bff like that. After a controlling boyfriend fir years and now a recluse partner (hehe) and moving house recently. … It would be nice

- - mom57522 said
  - 18 Aug 2014
    10:41 pm
Great questions to ask yourself about your friendships.

- - damish70 said
  - 18 Aug 2014
    9:06 pm
I wouldn’t say I have a BFF but several friends. These friendships are the ones I made in primary & high school. Matter of fact I’m catching up with them this weekend. Can’t wait

- - crystalangela said
  - 18 Aug 2014
    8:15 pm
Good thoughts here.

I would love to have a BFF like I did at school.
No one has really come close.

- - pakeko said
  - 18 Aug 2014
    1:42 pm
It is so hard to find those true friends that are healthy for you. Once you find them you realise the value of great friendship. Thanks for reminding me what amazing friends I have

- - meedee said
  - 18 Aug 2014
    1:37 pm
Be your own best friend first.
If you dont like spending time with you than how can you expect others to?

I love spending time alone….i think i make great company.
- cherz replied
  
  18 Aug 2014 , 3:44 pm
  I like the way you think. Well done.
  - ginoula5 replied
    
    31 Aug 2014 , 7:12 am
    
    Completely agree with you Medee. I too also love spending time alone.