When Cultural Beliefs Need To Be Smashed Apart

Some cultures enable violence against women as though it is an acceptable part of their cultural beliefs and moral fabrication.

They’ve grown up with it and don’t recognise it as anything different from their normal everyday lives. They don’t challenge it, not necessarily because they don’t see the unjust nature of it all, but moreover they don’t want to be the ones breaking with tradition.

No one really wants to be the black sheep, going against antiquated cultural beliefs. But it’s still surprising that the women from these cultures are so supportive of maintaining these barbaric beliefs.

Loyal To Outdated Cultural Beliefs

The older generation of these women are often the most set in their ways. No matter if they have left their country of birth and moved to a place that recognises domestic violence as an unacceptable and horrendous act- they choose to remain loyal to their cultural beliefs.

Essentially, personal beliefs shouldn’t really impact other people in a negative way. However, in the instance of dealing with something as life threatening as domestic violence it can have a deadly flow on effect.

From personal experience, I can say with confidence that there is no possibility of persuading some of the older generation to see how deeply flawed their long-held traditions are.

It’s Always The Women’s Fault

Trying to make them feel empathy for a victim of abuse is futile. The blame is always placed solely on the woman – goodness only knows what would happen if the victim were a male. It is after all, in their eyes, only the female’s fate to endure the violence.

What happens when one of these older ladies, with their feet deeply rooted in their cutural beliefs, unfortunately passes away?

How do you convey your genuine condolences for the loss of a relative when you didn’t leave things on good terms?

Ridiculous!

A few years ago now, my husband and I stood up for a victim of domestic violence. A relative who was expected to endure what she went through as part of culture! What a load of nonsense!

Subsequently, as soon as authorities were involved, my family was exiled… blacklisted… considered troublemaking outcasts, never to be made contact with again or included in a single family gathering – not even Christmas!

What Is The Right Thing To Do?

Our concern is that if we were to get in touch with the relatives to pass on our deepest sympathies, it simply would not be accepted as we intended it. In fact, it could potentially cause more harm than good taking into account the way things were left three years ago.

The loss of a life is always sad. It’s only human to feel that way, to wonder what could have been, how differently things could have played out, and of course there is usually a strong urge to pay one’s respects.

When the desire to pass on sincere condolences collides with the uncertainty of potentially offending the family with your gesture I choose to err on the side of caution so as to not bring any further hurt to people already in grieving.

Realistically it is possible to pay one’s respects without anyone knowing, leaving flowers at a later date or even just praying for the deceased is better than nothing when you really are unsure of what would be acceptable by the family.

I Choose To Be Silent This Time

From the lady who sadly passed away, I have learned that there is a time to stay silent, and there is a time to speak up. And although our views differ greatly on when to speak up and when to stay silent. I am choosing to pay my respects for her in silence without contacting the family. Hopefully it’s the right thing to do.

But I Know When To Speak Out!

Just as with anything in life, there is a time and a place to remain quiet. Domestic violence is not one of those times. It feels like almost every week the news headlines includes a heart wrenching story of a woman losing her life by her partner’s hand. It has got to stop somewhere. Recognising that it is a devastatingly flawed part of very old cultural beliefs could be a small step in the right direction to keeping everyone safe.

Heaven only knows why we were given the magnificent opportunity of life when we were placed on this wondrous Earth. I do know one thing for certain though, it was never for anyone of us to endure intentional and malicious violence. You are an equal who deserves as much love, kindness and respect as anyone else. Some traditions are worth sacrificing for safety, not just for women, but for mankind.

Have you ever been a victim of antiquated cultural beliefs? Tell us in the comments below.

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30 Comments

- - meedee said
  - 28 Oct 2023
    10:16 am
thankfully my answer is No. This is something that we need to change.

- - littlehandsofmine said
  - 11 Aug 2020
    4:27 pm
This is unacceptable!

- - rovermum said
  - 27 Jul 2020
    12:07 pm
No, but I can’t say that I understand them. Women being considered inferior and/or domestic violence being considered normal? Not in our country. Not as part of our culture.

- - ~Loui~ said
  - 25 Jul 2020
    10:08 pm
I haven’t been physically harmed, but ………I met my then, boyfriend’s parents for the first time after we had been going out for a year. He invited me to their house. They ignored me. Why? because I was not from the country, culture or religion that they had come from.

- - shanika said
  - 25 Jul 2020
    7:47 pm
No. I have never been victim of antiquated cultural beliefs.Sure it will lead to domestic violence.

- - tessie said
  - 25 Jul 2020
    3:28 pm
I’m glad to say I’ve never had this happen to me but I don’t believe it should be allowed to carry on either. I don’t care if it is a cultural belief or not. If you are beating someone you need to face the consequences of the law.

- - mom101628 said
  - 25 Jul 2020
    12:26 am
Some cultures will never change their beliefs – it is such a pity in this day and age, but it is true. If only more were willing to do what you have done, but as far as the women are concerned most are told about what might happen to their children if they speak out, so they continue to follow what their male tells them to do in the hope of helping their child. Usually it makes it worse for the child in the end
- Ellen replied
  
  26 Jul 2020 , 7:22 am
  Yes sadly I agree
- - ralu said
  - 24 Jul 2020
    8:14 pm
You did what you thought it’s good. Unfortunately domestic violence is a growing problem everywhere.

- - mom462038 said
  - 19 Jul 2020
    10:15 pm
Good luck smashing cultural beliefs and ways. People come to Australia and are allowed to carry on with their beliefs and culture here. Female circumcision, child brides etc
- Lovesthecuddles replied
  
  25 Sep 2020 , 6:46 pm
  It’s so wrong, those two are child abuse and I can’t believe they get away with it in Australia. Too many cultures disrespect women and it can create such a cruel world.
- - mummyhood.au said
  - 19 Jul 2020
    9:10 pm
Violence should never be tolerated whether it be to women, children, men or any living thing in this world! Outdated cultures should be called out and people should stand up against it. Co-existing in peace and harmony is what we should all aim for. xx

- - celebrity said
  - 19 Jul 2020
    9:41 am
It’s time for everyone to call them out. It is not acceptable in this day and aged or ever for that matter. Younger generations need to know this and make up their own mind and call their elders out.

- - Forgetful Mumma said
  - 17 Jul 2020
    1:52 pm
It only takes one person to break the cycle. One person to stand up and say enough. This woman tried, but sadly it ended with her. Well done, for trying. Never give up. It’s beyond sad that her family member died

- - nealsq said
  - 16 Jul 2020
    10:08 pm
violence is never ok. I escaped a relationship that was escalating into domestic violence, he still 17 years later, thinks he has control over me
- Ellen replied
  
  17 Jul 2020 , 7:43 am
  Aw bless you, I’m glad you could escape !
- - Zmijka86 said
  - 16 Jul 2020
    6:21 pm
That never should happand. I feel lucky to be rise in diffrent culture.
- Ellen replied
  
  19 Jul 2020 , 3:45 am
  Yes me too ! Cultural laws are difficult to break
- - mom450498 said
  - 16 Jul 2020
    2:46 pm
Cases like these are so sad. I know in my culture the male is quite authoritarian because they are the breadwinner and therefore have more power.

- - Ordinary mum said
  - 16 Jul 2020
    2:15 pm
You did the right thing. I am of ethnic background and have seen domestic abuse. Its hard to escape when family is such an important part of life. I hope for the person you stood up for that they have survived and are safe.

- - mom465952 said
  - 16 Jul 2020
    11:57 am
I’m all for supporting different cultures and living in a diverse society but when there is any domestic violence or any violence of any kind it’s not acceptable

- - nadine_hill said
  - 16 Jul 2020
    10:53 am
Violence of any description is totally unacceptable and that includes violence deemed to be because of cultural beliefs!
- mom93821 replied
  
  17 Jul 2020 , 1:55 pm
  No excuses for violence and no tolerance for violence.
- - mom93821 said
  - 16 Jul 2020
    5:40 am
Domestic violence is never ever acceptable and using tradition and culture as a reason is unacceptable in every possible way. Services that offer support do the most incredible job and at this stressful time they would be working extremely hard to support people.

- - Ellen said
  - 16 Jul 2020
    4:23 am
Yes, heaven knows each and everyone of us were given this wonderful life on earth and it was never for anyone of us to endure intentional and malicious violence !