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Article Why Are Women So Judgemental About Baby News?

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Are men possibly more supportive of one another? Less judgmental? Do they have a better relationship than what women do with each another? My husband broke our baby news to his best friend before I had even purchased a pregnancy test!

He had already accepted words of congratulations and well wishes without needing to wait for the word ‘pregnant’ to flash up on some new age digital stick.

Side Note: Who even has the patience to deal with those old school dip and pray tests that give you the faintest second line anymore. You know – those tests which leave you to your own defenses where you’re neither here nor there because you can’t tell whether that second test line is actually visible or not. So then you end up having to anonymously post your pregnancy test in a forum of ladies who will zoom into it in an effort to try and work out the results for you – some members may even reverse the colours of your photo to try and get a more accurate response.

No, I wasn’t going through all of that foolery as exciting as the experience all sounds!

I sent my hubby a three-minute long video of my test – because that’s how long new technology takes to give you the results. But he didn’t even need the confirmation.

There Was No Waiting For Confirmation

He was already sharing new car ideas with his best friend and he really didn’t need any further information from me in order to enjoy this exciting male bonding experience.

How was he able to share this joy with his best mate when I hadn’t broken the baby news to a single soul yet?

I prefer to wait until we’ve had an ultrasound and know that all is progressing well. However, doing it that way also leaves less room for support should something not go to plan… although a big part of me questions that very ‘support’ concept.

From experience I know that a lot of people aren’t fans of big families, they don’t really want to be surprised with any pregnancy news after baby number two. So how much reliable support would there be, God forbid, there was any heartbreaking news. Could a mother of many children still seek support for pregnancy loss, or would the reaction she would be met with simply be ‘well I told you not to have any more kids’.

Why Are Mums Judged For Pregnancy?

Why are mothers judged so harshly when dads-to-be are celebrated by their male friends no matter what number pregnancy it is? In fact, I’ve often heard my hubby’s best friend ask him how much longer until he has another baby – as though my hubby is the soul deciding force in pregnancy.

I must admit it’s beautiful and I do envy their carefree attitude towards having babies. It’s almost as though the sky is the limit, there is absolutely no judgement when it comes to a bloke’s reaction to baby news, no matter what number pregnancy it is – which is just the polar opposite to most female’s reactions!

Within weeks of sharing his baby news with his best friend, my hubby found out that his best friend is also expecting a baby, his first!

Watching their excitement grow and flourish has been lovely – but it also makes me question whether blokes are somehow closer to each other than females are? Are they less catty? Do they experience more genuine joy for one another’s good fortune?

Or do females understand the depth of pregnancy on a much deeper level? Are we more concerned about all the risks involved and is that expressed as negativity towards a person’s decision to have another baby, when in actual fact they could just be worried about whether everything will work out well?

What’s Behind Those Reactions?

I don’t know what the driving force is behind a lot of women’s shock horror reactions to finding out someone is pregnant with any number baby after she already has two. Where that harsh judgement stems from eludes me. But perhaps they know something that I don’t, maybe they’ve had awful past experiences which no one knows about. Or maybe they are stuck, limiting their mind to imagining themselves in that pregnant person’s shoes and how much they would dislike it that they can’t help but question why anyone in their right mind would want to put themselves through another pregnancy.

Whatever the case may be, I’m happy that I don’t know where their stress comes from. I feel lighter not being weighed down by the concern and judgement others feel for pregnancy news which is not their own. Ignorance truly is bliss when it comes to not knowing where intolerance comes from and it allows you to maintain a sense of self, as well as enabling you to express joy for other’s life blessings without feeling the need to place unnecessary judgment where it simply doesn’t belong.

What if blokes are able to show nothing but love and support towards one another because they don’t have to face the physical fear of enduring birth? Maybe those friends who take pregnancy news harshly actually feel so close to you that they fear your pregnancy news as though they had to manage the pain of it all themselves… wouldn’t it be lovely if females really aren’t so judgemental after all, although it still doesn’t detract from the fact that words can be hurtful, especially at such a sensitive time.

If only we could all just celebrate baby news, without passing cruel judgement, especially if we’re not the ones left holding the baby. Besides, is all that unnecessary worry about a pregnancy that doesn’t impact your life really worth all the Botox you’re going to need to reverse those deep frown lines? I’m kidding of course, but that’s exactly how rude pregnancy remarks feel, totally ridiculous and absolutely unnecessary.

Have you ever had negative reactions to your baby news? Tell us in the comments below.

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Comments

  • Ive never had negative reactions to a pregnancy.

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  • I don’t think any one has a right to judge you. If you want more babies or not is up to you and how many you have is your choice with your partner. Too many people think it is their business.

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  • We shouldn’t charge

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  • Never had any negative comments on my pregnancies, but I did keep it to myself till around 3 months as I had lost two bubs around that time.

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  • I never had any negative comments with my boys and they are 10 years apart. Wasn’t from not wanting as I had many miscarriages in between. They have grown into wonderful caring people who are very close and worry about each other. If people are going to be negative to your pregnancy, you certainly don’t want anything to do with them. They’re probably jealous anyway

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  • Yes! From my in-laws! Even after 4 years of trying, and 2.5 years of IVF. Their reaction was all about them. Basically they told me they had shared the news with everyone in their family (taking that away from us). It was said in such a spiteful way from my father-in-law. His reasoning was that I had told everyone in my family, so …!! It was just another example of control from my in-laws, who we’re now estranged from.

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  • I never had negative reaction to baby news.I think people should not interfere so much others life decision.

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  • I have never never had any negative comments. So I can’t relate to this article. If these comments are coming from friends and relatives, then maybe it is time to reassess those relationships?

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  • Felt totally judges. Like I was a child having a child. Yet I’m 28 years old.

    • Sorry to hear you went through that !

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  • I never had negative reactions but I’m sure most negative reactions are from jealous, judgemental people.

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  • I haven’t heard of anyone giving negative reactions to people having 3 children so I can’t say I can relate to this nor understand why anyone would react that way.

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  • I know it can be hard as i like to know all is well before I share the news too

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  • When I got pregnant with my second my so called “best friend” told me I was an idiot and I would struggle because they are so close together (1 year and 6 days) and she was really iffy with me after I told her. Then we had just found out we were having a boy at 19 weeks and she hasn’t spoken to me since that day because I wouldn’t tell her what names we had picked out.. my partner and I had only just finished a conversation about it and we had nothing. I told her that and it wasn’t good enough. Yet when she had her kids she didn’t tell me any of the names she had picked out. Work that out…

    She’s a very jealous, toxic person whom I’m glad I don’t have in my life anymore.

    • She called me a bitch to my face because my pregnancy was easy, I didn’t have any issues, didn’t need an epidural, had a vaginal birth and because I made it look easy having a newborn… what the heck…

      • I think it’s a jealousy thing.
        I haven’t heard of any negative comments about having more than two kids but I’m guessing it’s because the person is unhappy that they aren’t in the same boat.

      • She has 3 kids!

      • Not nice person so glad you found out she is toxic, you are better person without her in your life. She seemed jealous of you for some reason. Just get on with your life and enjoy your baby.

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  • I’ve never had a negative response, but I have been sensitive to the fact tat some of my friends may find it hard.

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  • Its not easy for everyone to join or support our happiness.

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  • I think it may just be a bit of jealousy for one reason or another. It could also be painful for some women to hear that are unable/having trouble conceiving. I don’t think it’s an intentional reaction from those women. Luckily I haven’t experienced this judgement, it’s such an exciting time.

    • Regardless of the difficulties with pregnancies, losses and births; I have always been happy for others when they have shared pregnancy news. It is a time for support and kindness.

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  • It can be such a hard topic for some women, I know friends who have been shunned by being pregnant when they know others who can’t fall, I know of people judging because of the gender. I remember hoping one of my children was a certain gender because a close friend had desperately wanted the opposite and i didn’t want to add to their hurt.
    Females are way more emotional then males!

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  • Never had any negative comments about pregnancy. Only ever received positive and kind comments.

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  • No luckily I haven’t had any negative reactions to baby news.

    Reply
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