It’s totally fine now you have you own family to create your own traditions. It is however good to be considerate about other people’s feelings too, in this regard your husband and your extended family.
Is it an option to do a Christmas breakfast and the presents first at your house and then drive to the grandparents and have the kids unpack the gifts from grandparents and aunties & uncles at theirs ?

Absolutely not! You should be able to spend the morning with your family! Young kids are so excited for Xmas morning and the presents Santa leaves. To make them wait over 3 hours to see their gifts is selfish of your in-laws.
They should be happy to see their faces when they open the gifts they have given.
Stand your ground and enjoy your beautiful family on Christmas morning.
You are still travelling 3 hours, probably in horrendous traffic to spend time with them.
Good luck!!

My dad used to live with my brother, his ex wife and their daughter. On Christmas morning they literally asked him to not be home (until 10am) so that they could have the morning with just them. In a house that they couldn’t afford without my dad… food also. My brother and his ex loved the caviar and champagne lifestyle on a bread and water budget.

That was a jerk thing for them to do. Literally kicking him out of his own home. We had my dad over early on the mornings my in laws were with us (they would come and stay for extended periods of time) so it was only fair that he be there first thing in the morning too.

But over the past few years we did ask him to come a little later. We did our gifts (and santa) had breakfast, then he came over and we would do more presents. It makes no difference to us him being there for gift opening but as its so hot and we have kids that wake at 5am usually, we liked the idea of sitting around in minimal clothing and it was an extremely early start.

There is nothing wrong with wanting the morning to yourselves. So long as you aren’t kicking anyone out of their own home to do so

I agree with tessie’s answer to first do the presents at home and then travel to the grandp[arents and have the kids unpack there the preesnts given by grandparents and aunties and uncles. In these way every one is thought of and pleased. Of course extended family is important, but it’s healthy to establish the bond in your own family unit first and foremost

Why can’t you spend Christmas morning at home and have the children open their presents from Santa. Then when you go to his or your parents place they can then see the kids open more presents from Santa that he left there for them as well. It would make them feel like Santa knew where else they were going and left extra gifts for them there as well

It’s such a special time and im totally with you on this one! Have it together just your own family and then visit the in laws afterward. Its memories you want to keep forever that are so special

Christmas morning is such a special time when you have young children. To see their little excited faces when they see their presents from Santa. Also it’s exciting for the parents to experience this in their own space of their home and make happy memories together as a family. Afterwards can be time for the grandparents to then enjoy the children opening the gifts they bought for them.

It is far better for your kids to open their presents in their own home.

Not selfish, practical! The grandparents have had their turn with their own kids. Also hello, the grandies arent being denied their turn with their grandkids, they’re just being scheduled later the same day.
I would hate to try and get my tribe to hold off opening presents until after a 3 hour drive, that’s just not practical for young kids!

I imagine that the grandparents will have presents for the children at their place, so the children can open presents at both homes.

It is selfish. But they are your kids so up to you how you want your Christmas morning.

I can’t really speak my opinion as it’s just us living here in Australia. The rest of our family – from both my side as from my husbands side – lives in Europe. So we’ve always just did our own tradition. I would love to have my family closer and our parents are not around for ever. I’m grateful I get to see my mum this Christmas.

Christmas can be a time when tensions run high and sometimes so much attention and focus is on one day. We always go with the excitement of waking up and opening presents; it is the magic and fun of Christmas. We have always kept separate presents to the side and then opened them with grandparents. Children grow up so quickly and keeping magic alive is such a joy and adults need to be mature about Christmas day and presents.

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 02 Dec 2024 , 8:45 am

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  Yes emotios can run high at Christmas and our kids can get totally overwhelmed.
  Actually when my kids were younger for several years I gave my kids daily a present in the week before Christmas so they were less overwhelmed and had more attention for the present they were given and for the presents that were givin to their siblings

Sorry – but my children would never have been able to wait three hours for a drive to their grandparents before opening up their presents. We always had our own quick present opening at home and then went to either one of the grandparents for the rest of the day depending on whose turn it was. No one got their nose out of joint so to speak, but Christmas is special to the immediate family and then to everyone else. Your children won’t be appreciative of having to wait a long time before they can open their presents.

I think she is being a touch selfish. There is ways that a compromise can be met here. I can understand not wanting to stay at their house with a young family and other family already there, it would be really crowded. However, as they are the only ones with young kids, couldn’t the grandparents come to their house to do breakfast and present opening? It is only 3 hours, not the ends of the earth! I can understand how it may be a big ask to get 2 young kids ready and out the house in time on the morning of. I really don’t think the grandparents should be excluded from the present opening. This was always a family thing at my house and we often had my aunt and uncle present as well as my maternal grandparents. It was wonderful and very special.

Just remember that one day your children will be grown with children of their own and if you are happy to teach your children that the grandparents are not part of gift opening then just remember that odds on you wont be a part of your grandchildrens christmas mornings either.

I don’t think you’re being selfish at all wanting to spend Christmas morning at home either your kids BUT driving for 3 hours on Christmas day is a big ask. I’m guessing at that age the kids will probably sleep ( if they’re good travellers) but as they get older they won’t like it at all..

Show your Christmas spirit and give your in-laws the chance to enjoy their grandchildren’s reactions. It is not a big ask.

Your not been selfish at all, you’ll be unwrapping presents at your house and then driving to your in-laws and if they want to see the kids unwrap a present from Santa they can say one of their presents are from Santa and watch them unwrap that one.

I’m straight up assuming the other posters that are calling this mum selfish are someone’s mother in law. Need I say more.
Original poster is not selfish at all, she wants to have her own families traditions which are 100% reasonable. It’s not like she’s refusing the grandparents to see their grandchildren.
Every mum wants to start a family tradition, the mother in law obviously did why can’t the daughter in law..

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  • • mom93821 replied
    • 02 Dec 2024 , 5:45 am

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  I agree with your comment; it is so important for families to plan and create their own traditions. It is equally important for all generations to show respect and to realise that everyone has the right to establish their own traditions. The day can be shared if everyone acts with respect and maturity; a change from old traditions can be good.