It's Ok To Mourn Being A Daughterless Mother

I have been blessed with three gorgeous sons. They are my life. However if someone given me a choice for a boy or girl with baby number 3, I may have said ‘girl’. But only for an instant because when I found out I had another beautiful boy coming, my heart literally burst. Three perfect boys.

But as a daughterless mother, there are gaps in my life – although these gaps have been filled with glorious boy stuff. But mother-daughter bonds are pretty special. Our mums have raised us and we want to do our own version of that with our daughters.

And to be honest, there are some things that mums without daughters miss out on.

Here’s an example – my 14 year old son needed a new hoody, thinking we’d have some lovely mother-son time at the mall; we trekked through the surf shops. He found a couple of hoodies he liked and as we headed to the change room – he gave me that look.

I’ll Do It On My Own

“Just wait out here somewhere Mum, I’ll decide” – so my boy and a surfie looking young shop guy headed off to the change rooms. I wanted to follow crying “But I’m paying for it!” but wisely looked through a rack of t-shirts instead, tears prickling my eyes.

You see, as a mum of sons, I don’t get to go shopping ‘properly’ with my children. We don’t wander through the shops, browsing, trying clothes on together. And often I buy theirs on my own. I’ve even tried on clothes when my teen was the same size as me, to save myself a trip back to the shops for the right size.

No Girly Talk

I have no one to watch proudly as makeup is tried on for the first time and as hairstyles are experimented with. I have no one to share secrets with and to talk about boys, periods and stuff. Because trust me, with boys there is a time when any topic relating to the body is off-limits indefinitely. Apart from a new deodorant or tube of pimple cream left discretely in their bedroom when I’ve realised they’ve run out.

Boys and school formals are an easy affair – maybe some new shoes, a suit hired and an extra lick of hair gel (and a spray of Dad’s cologne) is all that’s needed, too easy.

But I would have quite enjoyed spending Saturday afternoons trawling through dress shops, gulping at the price of dresses but shedding proud tears as they’re tried on.

No Plaits Or Ponytails

I never get to plait anyone’s hair – which I suppose is a blessing as I’m not sure where we’d have fitted that into our busy school mornings. Still, it might have been nice to do someone’s hair other than my own.

Counting My Blessings

Don’t get me wrong, I feel completely blessed at the joys my boys have brought into my life that I can share with them – I can build Thomas the Tank engine train tracks up quickly and under scrutinising eyes, I can hold my own in backyard cricket, I can kick a footy, I know when to leave my boys alone and when they need their Dad and not their Mum.

So the challenge as a daughterless mother is to acknowledge all the things I won’t be able to do with my boys, to mourn these a little but then to celebrate all the amazing things I can do with my sons.

Because we all know that boys never really leave their mums. And I’m definitely ok with that.

Are you a daughterless mother or a sonless mother or neither? Does it bother you at all? Tell us in the comments below.

83 Comments

- - Bizma said
  - 22 Jan 2023
    9:26 am
I always wanted a girl but got 3 beautiful boys. This article made me sad cz it made me realise there is so much i will miss on..o only thought it was the mum-daughter bond i will be missing

- - meedee said
  - 05 Aug 2022
    10:45 am
I have 3 daughters and no son. Now that my husband has passed away I often wish I had a Son living nearby to help with things around the house that require heavy lifting, etc

- - mom160289 said
  - 06 Jun 2022
    6:36 pm
I have 2 girls and a boy but can completely understand how she would feel that way. I hope she is blessed with beautiful daughter in laws one day.

- - cassy26 said
  - 03 Jan 2022
    6:54 pm
I’m lucky enough to have three and one amazing son. I love them all to bits and I’d definitely feel sad to not have had a “boy” but it certainly doesn’t take anything away from my daughters.

- - ashna9 said
  - 14 Sep 2021
    5:50 pm
Yes of course it is ok xxxxx

- - cheryl swales said
  - 03 Aug 2021
    4:39 pm
I have both girls and one boy and I loved all I got to do with them. My son now lives interstate and I don’t see him very often and not since covid stole our freedom to travel interstate and time we wanted. But I’m close to my 2 daughters who live in the same city, my youngest just a couple of streets away who I see a few times a week. Every Sunday night we get together for dinner, my daughters taking turn about cooking but we’ve missed a few of those with lockdowns which is sad.

- - HelenP5 said
  - 27 Jul 2021
    4:26 pm
I am very grateful I have my girls. Due to the fact I was the only girl of 7, I think I would probably have been guttered if I didn’t have a girl. I am so lucky to have such a close relationship with my eldest that sometimes she is like the sister I never had.

- - mom478886 said
  - 01 Jul 2021
    1:49 pm
I’m not a shopper, don’t know how to do makeup or hair so I probably dodged a bullet there as a boy Mum. But I do feel a twinge of fear every so often that my boys will grow up and not be close. There seems to be a special bond between mums and adult daughters.

- - Ellen said
  - 18 Jun 2021
    7:51 am
I’m thankful I’ve both. Personally I don’t look as much to the gender, but to it’s unique personality

- - littlehandsofmine said
  - 18 Jun 2021
    4:49 am
I have two boys and really wanted a daughter but I am just grateful that they are well and healthy so it is all good.

- - mom265671 said
  - 18 Jun 2021
    12:22 am
I love being a girl mum to two. I thought I would feel a hole in inside for not having a boy but I feel content and happy.

- - BellaB said
  - 17 Jun 2021
    7:41 pm
Indeed. Both genders have plusses and minuses. It’s okay to acknowledge the losses while celebrating the good bits.

- - mom477339 said
  - 31 May 2021
    10:00 pm
I feel I was given 2 daughters to fix my mothers mistakes. I wasn’t raised well at all and I was abandoned in a few ways so I really don’t want to repeat history and love my girl. I don’t believe I was meant to have boys and I’m okay with that.

- - mom462805 said
  - 30 May 2021
    11:05 pm
I definitely get this and now that my boys are married I mourn it even more that I did not have a daughter. I see the relationships my DIL’s have with their Mum and I also see that they gravitate to their family. We all get on well but not the same.

- - mom467577 said
  - 28 May 2021
    12:14 am
As a tomboy I was never that kind of a daughter and now can’t see myself being that kind of a mother with my own daughter.

- - mom7108 said
  - 27 May 2021
    1:39 pm
As a daughter, this wasn’t my relationship with my mother. As a mother of daughters, we hate shopping. They are very active and would rather be in a playground than in a shopping centre. When they are teenagers, I hope they respect what they have and not want to buy things for the sake of it (trying to encourage minimalism and owning things for a purpose). I think we all ponder what we don’t have but expectations can still not be met regardless.

- - Willow05 said
  - 26 May 2021
    1:19 pm
I completely get this. As a mum of three sons, who I absolutely love and adore, I still miss the daughter connection my friends have and I know I’ll miss that more in the future as they get older. I have such a great relationship with my mum and its just not the same with boys. My M.I.L tells me that frequently.
I realise I’m very lucky to have my boys, I just mourn that side of me that always thought she’d have a daughter.

- - 2bears2 said
  - 25 May 2021
    8:07 pm
I totally understand and you are a great mum to your boys,and they will certainly never leave you.

- - mom470069 said
  - 23 May 2021
    10:12 pm
I have 2 boys and I’m pregnant with my 3rd child. I dont know gender yet and a part of me doesn’t want to know. After 2 boys I’m a little intimidated by a girl and I’m hoping I have another boy. Thinking that makes me feel guilty because if it’s a girl I will love her just as much as if i have another boy. I just worry I won’t be a good girl mum because I’m fully in boy mode. I do believe that we have the children we are meant to have.

- - shanika said
  - 21 May 2021
    12:36 pm
I am lucky to have both of them. But i know some mothers are worrying about not having a daughter or a son. But i feel every child is special and unique. Accept what you got.