'I've Asked My Moody Pregnant Wife To Stay With Her Parents'

A dad-to-be has asked his ‘angry, anxious and moody’ pregnant wife to stay with her parents until the birth of their baby, saying he’s doing her ‘a favour’.

And while the move may seem cruel, there’s a lot more to their story than first meets the eye.

Most couples are filled with excitement and anticipation at the birth of their baby in just four months, but these parents-to-be are still dealing with the trauma of their first baby’s stillbirth.

“The problem is that my wife is constantly angry, anxious or moody. Not normal hormonal moodiness that arises from pregnancy but a tad bit extreme version of it. I don’t know if it is a subset of our previous pregnancy loss, she sees a therapist and she still continues along her ways. I have also spoken to her gynaecologist and she mentions it could be past trauma from pregnancy loss or outbursts due to hormones,” the dad-to-be explained on reddit.

‘She calls me up to 90 times a day’

He says his wife always finds something to fault after he comes home from working a 10 hour day, starting ‘trivial’ arguments about everything from buying carrots that are the wrong shape to changing the TV channel.

“A few times a month is understandable but this happening every day is taking a toll on me. She constantly says absent minded things like ‘quit work’ or ‘take loans for now and stay with me’. The thing is although I’d love that who is going to pay the bills and who is going to repay back the loans? I am losing sleep and getting more annoyed as the day goes by.

“She also has insomnia and unnecessarily keeps me awake by pestering me about whatever will become with the health of our baby which makes me scared too and makes me overthink and be awake for the whole night. I do reassure her that everything is going to be alright but somehow she just gets even more pissed. She also leaves around 60 to 90 missed calls a day while I am at work or especially when I am at meetings.”

After weighing up everything his wife is going through, the desperate expecting dad says he realised she needs constant companionship to help her through the pregnancy. Something he can’t offer her.

“I called up her mother and father and gently requested if they would temporarily look after my wife for the time being. They are both retired and happily agreed to take my wife in.

“However when I told my wife she took it as me absolving myself of responsibility even though I plan to call her everyday and visit her for the weekends. She is calling me an a**hole for entrusting her with her parents although personally to me it seems like I’m doing her a favour to combat her loneliness and get guidance from her parents. Am I the a**hole here for killing two birds with one stone and having a peace of mind as well as ensuring her needs are taken care of by having her parents take over her care?”

What do you think this frustrated and concerned dad should do? Let us know in the comments below.

29 Comments

- - meedee said
  - 26 Aug 2024
    10:47 am
Sounds way over the top. I think she needs more then the care of the therapist. She needs a lot of help asap

- - Lividanke said
  - 01 Jul 2022
    2:12 pm
This is a very hard situation and I really hope for both the sakes that they can work this out.

- - Zmijka86 said
  - 30 May 2022
    7:52 pm
It must be hard. Also pregnancy and hormones are taking toll on relationships and life.

- - mom461384 said
  - 22 Apr 2022
    9:22 pm
This would have been a hard decision for him to make! Although I do feel if possible they should be coming to stay with her during the day instead of her leaving her home.

- - Aleisha93 said
  - 19 Apr 2022
    1:06 am
This wouldn’t be an easy decision to make – I wouldn’t want to!
I hope they are both in the best environment for them at that time.

- - mom485263 said
  - 18 Apr 2022
    11:48 am
I think he is trying to help and that is the best thing for her (and him). Some counselling could help the two of them as well?

- - SAS185 said
  - 17 Apr 2022
    5:54 pm
Ouch. . . . I see both sides of the story but far out. If you can’t deal with eachother at your worst . What hope do you have.

- - tessie said
  - 17 Apr 2022
    3:08 pm
I can understand where he might be coming from saying he’s thinking of her but she still needs her husband to be there. If her parents don’t live very far away what about them being with her during the day and he being with her at night? He needs to have her parents there when he explains why he is doing it this way and they may be able to help her understand that it might be best for her.

- - ~Loui~ said
  - 16 Apr 2022
    12:08 am
I think he probably should have talked about his idea with her first. Once the baby is born, then what happens. Will she just come home and be completely exhausted with a new born ? This couple needs some couples counselling too. They need to be able to communicate about such huge emotions.

- - GeminiJade said
  - 15 Apr 2022
    3:09 pm
Pregnancy affects everyone differently. All you can do is reassure your actions are out of love and you can’t pour from an empty cup. The occasional day off with her might help her to feel more supported. Consider how this might help too when bub arrives.

- - Forgetful Mumma said
  - 15 Apr 2022
    2:53 pm
Sounds to me that what your wife really needs is YOU! Ask for a few days off and be with her. Hold her, share your fears and hers. Sleep, talk, cry. That’s what you BOTH need! You know the pain of loss, same as her, but her parents (presumably) do not!
And if you are worried about paying bills if you take a few days off, perhaps you need to consider a different job that doesn’t require you working 10 hour days to just be scraping by.

- - alyise_ said
  - 15 Apr 2022
    2:01 pm
Yeah is that fair on anyone? Now the parents have to suffer. I’d obviously just hormonal- training for when the baby is a toddler

- - sars_angelchik said
  - 15 Apr 2022
    9:48 am
I can totally understand this. What his wife is going through is not normal and being with her parents should be good her.

- - cassy26 said
  - 15 Apr 2022
    9:29 am
I think the wife is an adult and he should have spoken to her before he spoke to her parents.
While it might actually be a good idea given the situation, he went about it the wrong way and that may cause resentment in the future.

- - mom265671 said
  - 14 Apr 2022
    10:49 pm
I think if everyone was happy with the situation then its better but not just shuffling her off.

- - BellaB said
  - 14 Apr 2022
    6:54 pm
I do think asking for help was a good call… but maybe he should have talked to his wife about it first.
- Ellen replied
  
  15 Apr 2022 , 8:30 am
  Absolutely and I do think he’s caring by approaching her parents who love her
- - mom466557 said
  - 14 Apr 2022
    4:50 pm
I think its ok if the parents are helping and hubby is unable to

- - rovermum said
  - 14 Apr 2022
    9:44 am
I do understand. I was sick 24/7 and so hubby slept in the spare room. This allowed him to be well rested for an early start for work. My Mum took on cooking because I couldn’t cope with the smell of anything in the house, even coffee. It made me nauseous. We did still live under the one roof but we had to make some adjustments.

- - cherz said
  - 14 Apr 2022
    8:46 am
Agree with all below comments and just add go for it hubby …a stay at mum and dads is justified and if she continues along this path whilst at M&D’s he will have back up for specialist intervention.

- - mom244094 said
  - 14 Apr 2022
    8:21 am
What an amazing husband she has. I don’t believe it’s pregnancy hormones that’s the issue here. His wife is clearly needing help with a more specialised psychiatrist to help her with the loss of their first child. 90 missed calls is not a hormone response, this is clearly her screaming out for reassurance and unfortunately for the husband, her trust is deep for her husband and that need isn’t being fulfilled for her. He’s done the right thing by getting her parents onboard to help sustain whatever relationship they may have left. A change in therapists would be the next important step and also helping her achieve the goals that her therapist sets for her, will help with dealing with her grief and would help her cope better. I’ve got 2 rainbow babies after losing my babies, and it’s best to deal with the grief fully before making any decisions to try again for any future babies. His wife’s behaviour is the example of why couples really should heal from their grief of loss fully, before making any choices to try again.