Shes not saying that therie is NO punishment. What she is saying is that she discusses it with her children and she asks them how the situation should be handled and the child comes up with the punishment.

I’m not there yet but I imagine some discipline is still good at that age and each child is different.

Gosh she sounds wise here

Yes need to get to the cause of the issue with children

When my boys misbehaved I didn’t need to punish them, they could see how much they hurt me which was punishment enough. The one time my eldest decided to hitchhike to get to a concert I didn’t punish him then either. No, I told the police it was up to them how to handle it. They put him in their lock-up for 1 hour (we live in a small country town) on his own and he never truly misbehaved from then on. It worked. I certainly wouldn’t have allowed that if we lived in a bigger town or city though.

This is so true punishments not works for teenagers. That will make them hiding everything from you.

Communication and conversation is the way we go.

I like the idea of opening it up as a discussion rather than authoritative punishment.

Easier said than done. I think it depends on the day, the mood, the situation, the child.

This is a lovely book with similare idea
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005GG0MXI?notRedirectToSDP=1&ref_=dbs_mng_calw_1&storeType=ebooks

I agree, it doesn’t build a good and open relationship by not hearing, discussing and understanding

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  • • mom93821 replied
    • 16 Aug 2021 , 7:30 am

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  Respect is always so important in families and talking, listening and communicating builds, maintains and strengthens relationships.

It’s probably easier for teens. They’re older and should understand consequences, so they should be able to negotiate punishments.

My eldest just turned 17 and my son just turned 16 and I have to say I can’t remember when I uberhaupt had to punish them. We have an open relationship with them and we talk things through.
However I can imagine it will be different with my now 11yr old as she’s deceptive and breaks rules behind the back continuously.

I like this idea with teens. My kids aren’t anywhere near their teenage years yet, but I want them to feel comfortable coming to me with a problem even if they’ve done something wrong so that we can work together to solve it. I don’t want them to be too scared of being punished to ask for help.

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 10 Aug 2021 , 7:48 am

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  Yes so true and important !

I believe everyone has to be accountable for the wrong things they do. I see her method, but I am not so sure about giving them their choice or say of punishment as it may not teach them to be responsible or accountable for what they have done. It would depend on the child and the action.

Love the no shame motto, my parents love shaming me even now as a married mum in my 20s.

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  • • mom478886 replied
    • 10 Aug 2021 , 3:42 am

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  Yes I agree! My parents were always very quick to punish and it felt like it wasn’t about the behaviour but us as people. The shame cycle is tough to break.

I think it probably works well for some kids, but not necessarily all. I have heard this advice before, though.

My kids are 3 and 5 and I am already scared..

I can’t wait to give this a go! Look forward to seeing what my kids come up with.

When I have used this technique, I’ve found my children choose a punishment that is harsher than I was going to dish out. I think it really makes them think about what they have done/haven’t done and how it has impacted others. I find when you get angry & just dish out a punishment without a discussion, children are more focused on how unfair it feels and storm off to their rooms without even thinking about why it has happened or what they could have done differently.