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Article Mumfulness – Are you a multitasking mum or a mindful mum?

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Be a mindful mother filled with compassion and grace.

Being a mother is like putting your heart in another body and letting it walk around with no protection.

The emotions we feel daily as mothers are intense, and they can swing from bliss to rage in a heartbeat. This is in part thanks to the incredible pressure coming from all sides to be a perfect mother, and at the same time have a great career and be a loving wife, a goddess in the kitchen and the bedroom and, of course, look like a supermodel.

It’s not possible.

So you need to focus on your perception of what being a mother is, and then let go of what is not working for you.

The thing is, you are already everything you need to be – all the experiences you have had so far have made you the mother you are, and the mother you were meant to be. You don’t need to believe it when the media says you need fixing. You just need to reconnect with how powerful you already are.

You have the ability to be a lighthouse for yourself and your family – beaming out a bright light that can uplift everyone around you.

When you rush around like you are in a supermarket sweep game show – when contestants have 10 seconds to fill a trolley – your light starts to fade. Mundane tasks leave you feeling exhausted and the repetitiveness of the bedtime routine has you gasping for air. Mornings are a military procedure of making lunches while dealing with meltdowns over minor incidents.

Enter the mindful moment.

Mindful moments are all about being absorbed in the present moment – freeing you from the pain of the past and the worries of the future. This is the true art of paying attention. You are only truly alive in each moment. In this moment, right now. Now is when you can appreciate life and what is around you, when you can have meaningful encounters with others. Now is when you can train yourself to strengthen your mind, and create more empathy and compassion within yourself and your relationships. You can let go of judgement and expectations. All you need to do is just notice your thoughts and not be dominated by them.

Be mindful, especially with your children.

Mindfulness can be practised by engaging all your senses – taste your food, listen with attention, sense the air you breathe, and really see the wonders life offers. This teaches reflection. If you can learn to quieten your mind and reduce stress, you will be more in control of your own actions. This will make you a great role model for your children. When you are calm, you help create a happier, more balanced child. When stressed, you create stressed behaviour patterns in your children.

This mirroring process shows how connected we are to our children. So make your day a mindfulness meditation in motion – for your sake and theirs. This can be done while you are cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring, crying or contemplating. Notice how you are feeling. Are you feeling anxious, angry, overwhelmed, elated, frustrated, exhausted or bored? Now, learn to accept these feelings – don’t tell yourself what you should or should not be.

You are already enough.

You need to reprogram your mind and use triggers so you remember to practise this ancient art and transform everyday life into a mindfulness meditation. Taking a few breaths with awareness each day can help reduce stress and plant the seeds for a practice that nourishes body and mind.

Using your senses mindfully

We are bombarded every day via our senses. Studies claim we discard almost 90 per cent of the information overload we receive, which means we absorb only 10 per cent of what we see and hear. And if we practise using our conscious-awareness mind, we can choose what of this 10 per cent we pay attention to.

Mindful seeing

Eighty per cent of what our brain absorbs is visual, and we can find so much joy if we just open our eyes with awareness. Life moves fast. One day your child is a baby, the next it seems they are off to school. So you need be very grateful for your eyes. (Not everyone has this sensory pleasure.)

Mindful seeing calms your busy mind by slowing down and simplifying what you see. Go outside and take a breath and absorb the surroundings. There is so much beauty in the world.

Use eye contact with people when interacting with them, and especially when talking with your children. Really look them in the eye. Connect and touch their soul. This helps open your heart and, instead of feeling anger and frustration, you feel empathy and compassion.

Mindful smelling

A smell can instantly take you back to a distant memory. An aroma can trigger all kinds of emotions. Some scents relax you; others may make you uncomfortable or frightened.

Aromatherapy can play a vital role in your life. Different essential oils can be burnt for energy or for relaxation. Scented candles, soaps, creams, perfumes, tea and flowers can all be used in mini mindful meditations. Pack your handbag with ways to mindfully meditate using your sense of smell. Use a lavender hand cream or honey lip balm and absorb the moment – feel the softness as you rub the cream or ointment into your hands or lips. Really feel and observe the sensations. Inhale the fragrance and the moment.

Mindful tasting

Too often in our society we overeat and gobble down dinner in front of the TV. We need to slow down, chew our food and taste it, mindfully. You can learn to savour the taste of food and give your brain a chance to let you know you are full.

Being mindful while you eat and drink with your family also teaches your children to appreciate food and thought. Use the time eating as a family to talk about where the food has come from, and about how many people have worked hard to bring this food to you.

Be thankful for food.

Mindful touching

Our children depend on our love and acceptance, and what better way to show we care than to hug them.I believe we should hug our children and each other as much as possible. It releases stress and keeps us feeling loved and connected.Bedtime is great for practising mindfulness through touching. After you have bathed your child, wrapped them in a towel and rubbed them dry, it’s time for a cuddle. Pop them into pyjamas, tuck them into bed and read them a story, then it is time to stroke their hair and kiss them goodnight. Absorb the moment – they are only children for a short while.

Mindful thinking

Be mindful in the way you think. Are you being critical and judging yourself? Instead, learn to observe your thoughts and choose not to indulge in them. Sit in silence, rest your mind and start to notice your thought patterns. What are you thinking? Write down your thoughts in a journal and take note of the patterns that arise.

Think about thinking. Then focus on your breath and start to become aware of your other senses. What can you hear, smell and feel? Do it mindfully. Create mindfulness triggers throughout your day – the kettle boiling can be one, or set an alarm on a phone or laptop to remind you to be mindful at intervals. And while this trigger could produce an action, it could just be that you simply commit to noticing one beautiful thing. Children do this naturally – they see the birds in the trees and stop to smell the roses.

Time to reflect

Mindful parenting involves recognising and nurturing your child’s full potential. It is not seeing them as a projection of who you want them to be, or of you.

I believe we need to try to be completely present with our children, even if it is for only 15 minutes a day. Give them your undivided attention and listen to their every word. This will help your children feel emotionally secure. Bake some cookies, read your children a story, build a sandcastle with them or push them on a swing. I have learned that when I close my laptop and join my 4-year-old in whatever he is doing, being a parent is an absolute joy. Absorb your children’s awesomeness. Ask yourself every day: “What can I do to feel more connected to my child?”

My son and I hug every day. My son is my mindfulness bell.

Find your mindful moment right now.

Unplug and play with your child each day.

Create a mindfulness bell to remind you to be present.

Use hand cream in your handbag for a mini meditation.

Give your children a yoga hug and inhale their loveliness.

This is a chapter excerpt from the award winning book “Mother Om – Connect with yourself and your child in one mindful moment a day”.

Main image courtesy of Shutterstock.com

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Comments

  • Some good tips.
    However I didn’t like the intro of this article stating:
    “The emotions we feel daily as mothers are intense, and they can swing from bliss to rage in a heartbeat. This is in part thanks to the incredible pressure coming from all sides to be a perfect mother, and at the same time have a great career and be a loving wife, a goddess in the kitchen and the bedroom and, of course, look like a supermodel”.
    Who says we need to have a great career ? who says we need to be a loving wife, a goddess in the kitchen and in the bedroom ? and look like a super model ? really ??
    This is stereotype thinking and I don’t like it.

    • However grace, compassion and mindfulness are great ways to deal with every day life.

    Reply

  • What a wonderful article, great things to think about.

    Reply

  • Great tips here. We all need to tap into our mindfulness on a daily basis

    Reply

  • good to read

    Reply

  • Can you be both. I am such a multitasker but I do appreciate being a mindful mother as well.

    Reply

  • I would love to adopt this mantra but with a full time job, full time study load and family. I struggle to find energy or time…(sigh)

    Reply

  • this is a great well written article

    Reply

  • sounds awesome and looks great

    Reply

  • beautiful a good reminder. wish I would be more mindful and get to know my children

    • Thanks for your comment. I would recommend spending time with them individually without distraction (no technology) as often as you can. Love Leonie x

    Reply

  • im definitely a mindful mum! thanks for a great read!

    • Thanks for your lovely comment, so glad you enjoyed my article love Leonie

    Reply

  • Great tips! Being mindful is great!

    Reply

  • Fantastic tips. I need to be more mindful. Whilst I practice some of the above, I can definitely be better at it.

    • Thanks for your lovely comment. The first step is to just start with one moment a day and then increase this when your ready. Love Leonie x

    Reply

  • What a gorgeous article – thank you

    • Thanks for your kind words. I am so glad you enjoyed it. Love Leonie x

    Reply

  • What a beautiful article! Thanks again MoM. I totally agree with all of it. Mindfullness is definetely missing from most people’s busy and overly hectic lives. Especially when it comes to our children, we really need to be “present” and here with them! Simply being “around” or just living in the same house is never enough! I have 3 beautiful girls, two of which are now in their early 20s and my youngest is about to turn 14 and I had always tried to make sure that they each had at least 15 minutes of “special Mum time” seperately with me almost every day and I could not recommend this enough to all parents and carers! It has made a wonderful difference in all of our lives and the girls still tell me now how much they really appreciated it and cherish those wonderful moments above everything else! It really helped us maintain a deep bond and trust throughout those really difficult teen years too and they always knew that no matter what, I was always willing to make the time available for them when things got really tough, to help out, offer advice or even simply because I just sat there and listened. Oftentimes that was enough to simply provide a trusting outlet and give them the strength to carry on!

    • Thanks for your lovely comment. It is so nice to hear how you have been mindful with your kids and the wonderful benefit that has for them. What a fabulous mum you are. Being present is where we find happiness and connection, not in the busyness. Love Leonie x

    Reply

  • Thank you for the helpful tips.

    • It is my pleasure and I hope you are able to implement them into your day. Love Leonie x

    Reply

  • worth to try … :)

    • It is all about taking the first step. Start with one mindful moment a day and then start doing it more until it becomes a habit. Thanks for reading. love Leonie x

    Reply

  • Thanks mummies for all your comments. I really appreciate it. I would love to offer you a 20% discount off a copy of my award winning book “Mother Om”. Just add the word lift at checkout and free shipping (in AUS). http://www.yogamamata.com.au/shop/mother-om/book/

    Reply

  • My son and I have cuddle time and have special just him and I play and craft time. My daughter and I have lots of cuddle time because she is still young

    • Hugging is best way to feel connected to each other. I don’t offer handshakes anymore, I offer hugs to everyone I meet (including business meetings). I have never been refused yet! Thanks for connecting love Leonie x

    Reply

  • Thank you for your wonderful, helpful and very beautiful article.
    I make sure I wish my son a lovely day and to be careful on the road, very morning before he heads to work. My children are all grown but that still does not stop me worrying about them . :-)

    • Thanks for your kind words, once a mum your always a mum no matter how oldyour kids are. Thanks for sharing love Leonie x

    Reply

  • wow, nice to read, I play with my child and do parallel working or involve her a bit in what ever small works she can help me while I am doing.

    • Thanks for your comment. I am due a baby in April so we will be getting my son to be “helpful” and “mindful” and we involve him in as many tasks as we can. Love Leonie x

      • A great idea but ease him into it gradually as he may become resentful or jealous.
        e.g. some love washing their hands before giving you a clean nappy to put on baby but detest being given “stinky” ones to put in the bin. You can introduce that later. Encourage to entertain himself while you are feeding or otherwise busy with the baby, then make a few minutes his when baby has gone to sleep. 5 or 10 minutes can make a big difference whether or not they get jealous of the attention the baby needs. Perhaps when your son meets the new born in the hospital, the baby can give him something special to use during feed times. As much as it may take longer, he might decide he likes to hand you the pegs to put the washing on the line(been down that path) and hold the bucket when you take the clothes off the line….or take the pegs from you. It can be annoying at times, but when you get a big cheeky grin and told “I’m helping you” it cheers you up. You may get “I help you” when you are trying to sweep a floor and your hard work scattered for you. I partially got around that by giving ours a small broom and dustpan…..and sent him up the other end of the area to sweep. Took me awhile to figure that one out. I hope these tricks work for you.

    Reply
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