Mummy Guilt - Mouths of Mums

Let’s talk Mummy Guilt- I haven’t met a mum yet, who hasn’t experienced it.

You know what I’m talking about – that heart-sinking feeling that you aren’t doing something right/aren’t finishing something/haven’t got it ‘all together’.

Having spoken to hundreds of mums over the years, the most common issues that arise are guilt and lack of balance. Women are often expected to be the carers who put the needs of others first. Countless studies have verified this.

For some women, nurturing others is instinctive and enjoyable. For others, it comes out of necessity – having children or sick parents for example.

Regardless of why we do it, we often become so accustomed to it that we lose vital parts of ourselves.

According to Google (what doesn’t Google know?):

GUILT (Noun)
“The fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime”

Okay, so the noun isn’t necessarily the most relevant option in this case, but you see the point I’m making? Why do we feel as though we are committing a crime if we want some lifestyle change or time to ourselves? Only YOU can remove your guilt. Ultimately, we choose our own emotions and reactions to situations. No one else can make us feel guilty so no one else can take that away.

You may think your partner makes you feel guilty about wanting to go salsa dancing one night a week. You have a feeling of guilt. They might list reasons why it is inconvenient (for them), but they are not making you feel guilty. You are choosing to. The beauty of this is, just as you choose to feel guilty, you can choose not to! Let anxiety, guilt and blame go and watch your life expand.

Here are some of the most common things mums say they struggle with:

Not spending enough time with children
Difficulty finding balance with work and home life
Concern about what the children are (or aren’t) eating
Pressure to return to work
Pressure surrounding breast-feeding
Concern about too much time in day care
Concern about not enough time socialising
Kids education
Losing career momentum
Children’s behaviour at day care/school
Maintaining patience with children
Not knowing how to find balance
Feeling like part of yourself is lost
Resentment of partner
Frustration with those mums who look like they have it ‘all together’
Financial stress

This is just a snippet of examples!

The endless guilt can stem from internal dialogue or external factors and can be exhausting. SO, how’s that working out for you?

A great place to begin addressing this is to make a list of your passions. How can you achieve these goals? Are there people in your life who can help? Do you need to do some research? Do you need to enroll in college? Use any resources available to you.

Talk about your goals with people who are supportive (whether that be family, friends or other mums’). As simple or as complex as they might be, chase your goals until they are your reality.

Image of “mum and baby” from Shutterstock

We may get commissions for purchases made using links in this post. Learn more.

72 Comments

- - mom81879 said
  - 19 Nov 2015
    7:56 pm
Guilt, the epitome of a mothers life. It’s really tough to know if you’re making the right decision most of the time. I always second guessed sone decisions

- - dannsbuild said
  - 23 Sep 2015
    5:27 pm
Really interesting article! Thanks for sharing this!

- - smiles said
  - 30 Apr 2015
    11:35 pm
It does help to have someone to talk to so they can reassure you.

- - Liz Stringer - Miracle Minded said
  - 02 Feb 2015
    3:08 pm
I enjoyed that thank you. Yes all us mothers go through different reasons for mothers guilt and it was nice to know I am not alone.

- - mom57522 said
  - 05 Aug 2014
    11:39 am
Great point about how it’s us choosing to feel guilty.

- - hayley91 said
  - 26 Jul 2014
    11:48 pm
Im having these problems but am getting there

- - mom62141 said
  - 01 Jul 2014
    10:45 am
Yes to all of them!! Isn’t it a part of being a mum?

- - eestigirl said
  - 10 Jun 2014
    4:11 pm
It takes a long time to believe that we are the ones who choose to feel guilty or anxious. We often say another person makes us feel that way by what they say. It’s good to think about our own thinking and start talking sense to ourselves about what is fact and what is not.

- - nida saeed said
  - 04 Jun 2014
    7:46 am
YEP I am a mommy and have it like. every day good to talk and read about it

- - Emilyypamela said
  - 31 May 2014
    12:28 pm
I’ve felt guilty, much worse when someone makes you out to be guilty.

- - mums-info said
  - 29 May 2014
    7:09 pm
yep we have all felt this at some stage i no i did when my 4th was born and in intensive care for some time it ment passing the others of to be looked after all the time and it broke my heart

- - Happymum-2 said
  - 10 May 2014
    3:49 pm
I think we all suffer some form of guilt from time to time

- - Mrs Bucket (that's pronounced Bouquet) said
  - 09 May 2014
    1:26 pm
I’ve never had mummy guilt, just other people trying to make me feel guilty about my choices.
- scottie replied
  
  29 May 2014 , 12:44 pm
  true, if you aren’t guilty people are telling you how you should be
- - sarah_wardleworth said
  - 08 May 2014
    11:20 pm
Good read thank you for the information

- - scottie said
  - 06 May 2014
    5:02 pm
even when they are a lot older you still have the guilt – especially if they do something wrong you wonder if it is because of something that happened when they were kids

- - meimei said
  - 04 May 2014
    7:07 pm
This is so true – need to balance it so no feel guilty to kids.

- - catgrrl3 said
  - 04 May 2014
    6:16 pm
guilt is never easy to handle, but you have to get the balance right

- - tayganp said
  - 28 Apr 2014
    10:06 pm
I always feel that with working fulltime and having a 6 month old and a 4yr old it so hard to get yhat perfect balance.
I use to always feel like I was giving my babies enough attention. I make a point every night to make sure I get half an hour at least doing whatever the kiddies mainly my 4 yr old wants to do.. these days we are constantly making new loom bands

- - kellyewinsor said
  - 27 Apr 2014
    10:34 pm
I did an injury to both my shoulders five years ago and the guilt I still feel now is unbelievable.
I couldn’t drive much or for very long due to pain and all 3 of my children played a sport at the weekend and if my hubby was working sometimes I would have to say they couldn’t play because I knew I wouldn’t make the drive I felt so bad for saying no.
I couldn’t practice taking shots at goal with my daughter or play footy down the park with the boys, or go swimming and mess about with them because I knew the pain I would be in.
Guilt is a very hard thing to deal with and very hard to get passed it.

- - niccilee said
  - 21 Apr 2014
    4:22 pm
I always feel guilt trying to get my youngest to eat, sleep and in generally just to listen it always ends up in a fight and I end up hating myself my friends always say don’t be do hard on yourself but I think that it just what we do and I feel it with my older kids but not as bad it feel like as a parent I can never get it right