These personal conversations should not be discussed in front of friends. A time should be chosen to sit down and discuss concerns and in front of friends is never go to achieve a good outcome. There is a wide spectrum and people should get a professional diagnosis and supports; knowledge is key.

Signs of autism can sometimes become clearer or more noticeable when children are in their pre-teens or teens. This might be because a new primary or secondary school environment involves more demanding schoolwork, more responsibility and more complex social relationships.
You can make an appointment with your GP to discuss and, if necessary, to refer you to a qualified health professional with experience in the assessment and diagnosis of autism. You can also refer yourself or your teenager for an assessment, however with a referral of the GP you can get Medicare rebates

Children have rights and one of the best is right to remain silent
Next story please

I work with special needs children and those that are autistic are all different and have different communication levels and different needs. Its called a spectrum for a reason. Perhaps tell her that you are sorry that you caused her to get upset but you cant have a self diagnoisis. Tell her that you will make an appointment and arrange for her to be tested so that you can find out if she is autistic and if so where she fits on the spectrum.

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  • • mom93821 replied
    • 30 Nov 2024 , 5:50 am

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  A terrific and thoughtful and intelligent answer on this topic and for this particular issue. I agree; a sorry is most certainly in order and seeking professional services and supports is a sensible pathway. Everyone deserves respect, open communication and to be heard and then the issue can be addressed appropriately.

I would be explaining that every single person can identify as having at least 1 autistic traits. But to label your self as autistic requires a medical diagnosis. If her friends are autistic it also doesn’t mean she has to label herself as autistic to fit in with them. Nit all autistic people will understand each other either or sympathise with each other as every person is individual with there own autistic traits. It’s not a we are all the same thing. That she should be concentrating on having fun with her friends instead of labels like non binary and autistic as everyone is different.

I understand her frustration but I don’t think she should have said that to her daughter in front of her new friends. Maybe she’s just saying this because she feels more comfortable with them. Book an appointment for her with a doctor and get them to test her. I never knew my youngest was autistic for a long time. There are many different ranges to autism as well.

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 20 Nov 2024 , 8:49 am

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  Yes, being corrected or challenged by parents, especially in front of peers, can be deeply embarrassing for a teen. It might make them feel exposed or humiliated. Calling out the teen’s self-identified traits, like being autistic, may lead them to feel that their parent dismisses or belittles their experiences, whether or not the identity is accurate.

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    • • Ellen replied
      • 20 Nov 2024 , 8:50 am

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    It may actually erode the teen’s confidence, especially if it relates to their exploration of a new identity or personal traits. Also, the teen might feel betrayed by the parent for addressing a sensitive topic in front of others, reducing her willingness to share her thoughts and feelings in the future.

In this day and age it is a really big thing as doctors are only just beginning to understand the different ends of the spectrum and there are still many psychologists who aren’t trained in this area. I think if your daughter was autistic, you should have picked up on something by now. My 12 year old is on the waiting list to be formally diagnosed, however, her father has aspergers and we have been able to notice a lot of autistic traits over the years i.e. lack of eye contact when she is getting in trouble, not being able to fully understand accountability for actions, how her actions hurt others and even small things like pulling apart her food, etc.
If your daughter was on the spectrum in any way, you would probably know, and I agree, it is offensive to people who are autistic if she is claiming to be when she isn’t. It also sounds as though her friends are an unhealthy influence.

I do see a trend at school that now more then ever teens question their gender.
Teens question their identity because adolescence is a time of self-discovery and identity formation. It’s a time when they start to ask questions like, “Who am I?” and “How do I fit in?”.
Here are some reasons why teens question their identity:
Puberty: Their bodies are changing rapidly, and they’re experiencing new emotions.
Self-consciousness: They’re more self-conscious about their changing identities than at any other time in their lives.
Cultural influences: They’re influenced by wider cultural debates, media representation, and the policies and practices of schools, health professionals, and organizations.
Peer pressure: They may face pressure from their peers, such as homophobic namecalling.

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 19 Nov 2024 , 8:54 am

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  However most of the time a child knows far earlier that it is non binary.
  By 3 or 4 years old, kiddos have a sense of their gender identity that influences their gender expression.” You might be raising them with certain pronouns and to identify with a certain gender, and some kids will fully embrace this and feel that it is right for them.
  I do think that the fact that society has become more accepting of differences in gender identity plays a factor

Babymumma below commented exactly what I am thinking too. She needs a different group of friends.

I have always thought that my husband had ADHD so one day he mentioned this to his GP Dr and she did some tests and YES he has ADHD and he is 60 years old now

This is what has become a HUGE problem nowadays. Kids are saying they have something cause of friends or even youtube. My son was diagnosed with ASD when he was 4yrs old but now at 11yrs old, we had to explain to him his diagnosis after a spat of bullying of name calling and he never uses it as an excuse. However, my 13yo niece has seen too many tik tok videos and starts jiggling around and quoting “This must be the ADHD in me”… To which I bluntly said “You watch too many youtube clips” turned to her Mother and said its a big trend now.
If your daughter believes she has ASD, then sadly, you will need to fork out $$$ for a proper diagnosis.
At the end of the day, many of us do have ASD, even the mildest on the spectrum but self diagnosis is never ok. Your daughter does need to find better friends who relate to her personality, she shouldn’t have to change for others. Hopefully you can get her to stop and listen to you.

Self diagnosis is so common these days but she is only a child and needs to be clinically diagnosed

Ugh this generation frustrates me.
They all think they’re entitled to something, they all think the world owes them something, they’re all spoilt, they’re all brats, they all get away with murder and being told no still causes tantrums like a 3 year old.
Social media has absolutely screwed these children’s minds, they have all been brainwashed and convinced into having adhd, autism, being told what gender they are.
They need to put their damn phones down and experience the world how they want to, not how the internet tells them to.

I was glad to see that OP took the recommendations to see a professional. That way if there is a diagnosis to be made, it can actually be made. Or they can talk to her and help find out why she is going down this path. Doing it in front of the friends may not have been the best choice, but it would have been frustrating to listen to.

You are not wrong. Self diagnosis is dangerous and inappropriate, and usually wrong. Maybe take her to a professional who can tell her she’s wrong.

I think calling her daughter out in front of her friends might not have been the right move. Perhaps a conversation after her friends had left might have been the right move, they could have then discussed the topic in more depth and also discussed the consideration of getting her checked by a professional to see if she does have autism.