'My Dad Asked Me To Be A Surrogate For Him And His New Wife'

A shocked daughter says she’s ‘disgusted’ that her dad has asked her to be a surrogate for him and his new wife, who are struggling to have children.

The 26-year-old woman says her 56-year-old father and his 40-year-old wife have been trying to have a baby for the past two years, and are currently attempting IVF. But her father recently dropped a bombshell – asking his daughter if she’d be willing to be a possible surrogate, with donor DNA, if IVF isn’t successful.

“I was shocked and to be honest slightly disgusted by the idea,” she revealed on reddit. “For some background my father and I don’t have the best relationship. My parents are divorced and he was an alcoholic up until I went to college. We went three years without speaking to each other because of an argument. We only started speaking again three years ago. All of this makes the fact that he asked so shocking.”

‘I started to feel nauseous’

The woman, who doesn’t have any children of her own, says the conversation with her dad was uncomfortable.

“When he asked I gave an awkward chuckle told him, ‘I don’t even know if I ever want to physically have a child myself and if I do I would probably use surrogacy myself if I could, you know?’ He was audibly disappointed when he responded with, ‘No, I don’t know’.

“There was an awkward pause and I said, ‘Yeah well … sorry but I love you’. And we hung up. I was so shocked I thought I had entered the twilight zone and started to feel nauseous.”

The woman was keen to keep their conversation to herself, but is now considering telling her 60-year-old mum.

“We have a very close relationship and constantly tell each other everything. Even if this is the end of that conversation, the fact that my dad felt comfortable asking me is weirding me out. I’m slightly concerned she might attempt to murder him. I would like her to put the fear of God into him so he never considers even THINKING of me and surrogacy in the same sentence ever again.

“My dad is a selfish person. I know he didn’t consider the ramifications of what being pregnant and having a child would have on me at all – even if I would not be involved with raising it.

“I know part of why he asked is because he was hoping to save the money a surrogacy agency will cost. It’s grossing me out that he had to have thought about me being pregnant. It’s just grossing me out and I’d like to talk to my mum about the situation.”

The woman is now wondering if she’d be in the wrong sharing the surrogacy news with her mum, given that her dad asked her not to tell anyone that they’re trying for a baby.

“It would obviously give away the fact that they are trying for a child and she would 100% yell at him. Which would give away the fact that I told her. She wouldn’t spread it to other people though and I do feel like he crossed a line asking this question.”

Do you think she should tell her mum? Let us know in the comments below.

49 Comments

- - meedee said
  - 16 Aug 2024
    10:37 am
Unless he asked her not to tell anyone then so be it ….I would tell her Mum.
This is not acceptable behaviour.

- - mom487937 said
  - 20 May 2022
    4:07 pm
I definitely understand why the idea freaks her out. Donor DNA or not it’s a dad asking his daughter to carry his baby it just sounds so wrong.

- - Zmijka86 said
  - 15 May 2022
    12:34 pm
Sorry but I think its all wrong.

- - bellabecca said
  - 23 Apr 2022
    9:49 pm
I don’t think they have the right relationship for this to work, being pregnant can be a really big deal, especially if she is unwell and unable to work etc then they’re is potential recovery after

- - Ordinary mum said
  - 05 Apr 2022
    1:24 pm
I think her reaction indicates a lot of anger, unresolved issues. I’ve heard of scenarios where the couple with pregnancy difficulties asks one of the mothers to be a surrogate so this is not that different I suppose. I’m not saying she doesn’t have a right to be angry but there’s more to her reaction than meets the eye.

- - mom461384 said
  - 04 Apr 2022
    10:21 pm
Very odd. If she has the right relationship with her mum to tell her she should. And if her mum is well over him

- - Julzie13 said
  - 03 Apr 2022
    9:20 am
Bit strange to ask your daughter to have her first born child for you. Sounds like Rumplestiltken is trying to make a lousy deal.

- - TraceyGail said
  - 03 Apr 2022
    8:04 am
I can’t believe anyone would ask that of a young person that has not experienced this yet, let alone your own child.

- - mom133944 said
  - 01 Apr 2022
    8:44 pm
I feel like you shouldn’t ask anyone to be a surrogate who has never had a child themselves, let alone one of your own children.. This is incredibly weird and disturbing.

- - BellaB said
  - 01 Apr 2022
    6:42 pm
This would be really uncomfortable even if you had a good relationship with your dad. It’s weird.

- - mustangsachy said
  - 01 Apr 2022
    5:15 pm
I read the original post on Reddit as well. Gross. And how entitled some people feel over others bodies?

- - mom80165 said
  - 01 Apr 2022
    1:59 am
I really think he should never of asked you especially as she hadn’t had any children herself and I think he has not thought how it was going to affect his relationship with his daughter. If she tells her mum it is going to effect her mum.

- - MummaJana said
  - 31 Mar 2022
    9:55 pm
What did I just read??? This is not normal.

- - mom468571 said
  - 31 Mar 2022
    9:17 pm
Wtf how awkward… ????

- - Jessica said
  - 31 Mar 2022
    8:20 pm
That is a super messed up situation! I’d say no!

- - alrevedup said
  - 31 Mar 2022
    2:57 pm
I agree, that’s gross. I would tell my mother, keeping that to yourself is just too much to bear

- - sars_angelchik said
  - 31 Mar 2022
    1:31 pm
Wow, that is not something you ask someone you’re not close too!

- - tessie said
  - 31 Mar 2022
    12:04 pm
He sounds very selfish and I wouldn’t want anything more to do with him. If he could even think about asking his own daughter to do this, then I don’t think he deserves children either. I wouldn’t upset her Mum about this either. He probably didn’t want anyone to know because deep down he knows others would also find this very calculating too.

- - Lovesthecuddles said
  - 31 Mar 2022
    11:04 am
If her mum is as close as she says she should feel fine telling her mum. It’s such a strange thing for a father to ask a daughter when he doesn’t have a good relationship. Such a change on her body and all the firsts of pregnancy for someone elses child.
- Ellen replied
  
  03 Apr 2022 , 7:33 am
  Yes I agree and keeping this by herself would be unhealthy…sometimes we just need to share to be able to cope
- - mom101628 said
  - 31 Mar 2022
    10:24 am
He does sound like a very selfish person but telling her mother would only upset her and bring back bad memories that she would have to live with all over again. Don’t think it is worth hurting your lovely mother yet again.