'My Dad Asked Me To Be A Surrogate For Him And His New Wife'

A shocked daughter says she’s ‘disgusted’ that her dad has asked her to be a surrogate for him and his new wife, who are struggling to have children.

The 26-year-old woman says her 56-year-old father and his 40-year-old wife have been trying to have a baby for the past two years, and are currently attempting IVF. But her father recently dropped a bombshell – asking his daughter if she’d be willing to be a possible surrogate, with donor DNA, if IVF isn’t successful.

“I was shocked and to be honest slightly disgusted by the idea,” she revealed on reddit. “For some background my father and I don’t have the best relationship. My parents are divorced and he was an alcoholic up until I went to college. We went three years without speaking to each other because of an argument. We only started speaking again three years ago. All of this makes the fact that he asked so shocking.”

‘I started to feel nauseous’

The woman, who doesn’t have any children of her own, says the conversation with her dad was uncomfortable.

“When he asked I gave an awkward chuckle told him, ‘I don’t even know if I ever want to physically have a child myself and if I do I would probably use surrogacy myself if I could, you know?’ He was audibly disappointed when he responded with, ‘No, I don’t know’.

“There was an awkward pause and I said, ‘Yeah well … sorry but I love you’. And we hung up. I was so shocked I thought I had entered the twilight zone and started to feel nauseous.”

The woman was keen to keep their conversation to herself, but is now considering telling her 60-year-old mum.

“We have a very close relationship and constantly tell each other everything. Even if this is the end of that conversation, the fact that my dad felt comfortable asking me is weirding me out. I’m slightly concerned she might attempt to murder him. I would like her to put the fear of God into him so he never considers even THINKING of me and surrogacy in the same sentence ever again.

“My dad is a selfish person. I know he didn’t consider the ramifications of what being pregnant and having a child would have on me at all – even if I would not be involved with raising it.

“I know part of why he asked is because he was hoping to save the money a surrogacy agency will cost. It’s grossing me out that he had to have thought about me being pregnant. It’s just grossing me out and I’d like to talk to my mum about the situation.”

The woman is now wondering if she’d be in the wrong sharing the surrogacy news with her mum, given that her dad asked her not to tell anyone that they’re trying for a baby.

“It would obviously give away the fact that they are trying for a child and she would 100% yell at him. Which would give away the fact that I told her. She wouldn’t spread it to other people though and I do feel like he crossed a line asking this question.”

Do you think she should tell her mum? Let us know in the comments below.

49 Comments

- - hendoo said
  - 31 Mar 2022
    10:02 am
I think this is a selfish thing to ask and if I was you I would not even think about it and yes I would tell your Mum. I think she will be disgusted.

- - rovermum said
  - 31 Mar 2022
    9:47 am
Wow! I cannot believe that he would ask that of his daughter. Unbelievable. To put her in that situation she is now in, the stress and weight of such a decision is so unfair. No, she should not consider this at all. Her father has had his family and now chosen to be with someone else. I do think she needs to tell her Mum. I don’t think it’s something she can keep from her and she needs support.

- - mom103778 said
  - 31 Mar 2022
    9:25 am
How could he be so selfish to even think to ask his daughter that. Let’s hope the IVF works.

- - Pollylou said
  - 31 Mar 2022
    9:24 am
Gosh I don’t think that’s something I could do.

- - Ellen said
  - 31 Mar 2022
    8:30 am
I can imagine this gives conflicting feelings

- - Mumofboys said
  - 31 Mar 2022
    8:11 am
That’s really full on, it’s not something you just come out and ask someone to do, especially your own daughter… i would probably tell the mum to be honest.. he’s gonna get mad that she told her but he should never have put her in that position..

- - lucky44 said
  - 31 Mar 2022
    7:44 am
His request is super concerning (and creepy) . She should tell her mother too – as if she was my daughter, I would protect her like a tigress – and let the father know what sort of a sick, selfish lowlife he really is.

- - mom460227 said
  - 31 Mar 2022
    7:37 am
Awkward especially not being super close to her dad and how uncomfortable the idea sounded to her

- - tinamaree said
  - 31 Mar 2022
    1:32 am
There’s lots going on here.
Her reaction to him thinking about her being pregnant seems like there’s more going on.
At the end of the day, it’s her body. And her dad needs to accept that.

- - mom223151 said
  - 31 Mar 2022
    1:22 am
What a very selfish father, putting his needs first and disregarding his daughter in so many aspects of their relationship. He needs to keep his daughter out of this particular issue and resolve it with his current wife. Shame on him.

- - Mumof3boyos said
  - 30 Mar 2022
    11:55 pm
Plain awful she is just a young woman, what a ridiculous request albeit demand.

- - ~Loui~ said
  - 30 Mar 2022
    10:41 pm
This is so weird all over. I don’t think she should tell her Mum. She doesn’t really need to involve her in what is already a very strange conversation.

- - Frankiielot said
  - 30 Mar 2022
    10:39 pm
So weird and awkward!
I would definitely tell my mum. I wouldn’t be able to keep something like this to myself.

- - mom265671 said
  - 30 Mar 2022
    10:25 pm
I think its respectful if he didnt want anyone to know, to not say anything. Yes its weird and id be disgusted, but leave it at that and explain to HIM thats how you feel.

- - SAS185 said
  - 30 Mar 2022
    10:22 pm
Why would one even bother asking that sort of question when they already have a strained relationship. Face palm.

- - mom485263 said
  - 30 Mar 2022
    10:21 pm
WOW! I’d hate to be put in that position.

- - yahoo_lou said
  - 30 Mar 2022
    10:18 pm
The pure thought of this freaks me out. I could not possibly think of doing this for my Dad and his new partner. Especially your first born and building that special connection.

- - Forgetful Mumma said
  - 30 Mar 2022
    9:33 pm
Sounds like this woman is anti babies as it is!
And to think he would expect her first pregnancy experience to end with giving the baby away.
It’s a huge ask for anybody, and whilst a lot of mums are surrogates for their children I’ve never heard of a parent asking their child to do it for them!

- - mom468034 said
  - 30 Mar 2022
    8:51 pm
Ye gods no!!!! Actually very selfish and thoughtless of your dad to ask you, and yes you should def tell your mum, esp as you are close to her. Shudder.

- - Lividanke said
  - 30 Mar 2022
    8:15 pm
This is just gross and yes I think the lady should speak to her Mum about it. I’m really speechless and just think no no NO!