A tricky one. The kids shouldn’t be used to manipulate behaviour of others… but if it’s potentially dangerous, aka new people, under the influence of substance, unroadworthy car, etc., the yes is this woman dangerous, probably not. The mum had apologised to her but probably could have handled the situation better. The dad on the other hand…. has not provided any reason to trust him nor his judgement. It’s a simple conversation, respectful towards all parties and it’s responsible parenting. Kids don’t need a string of extra parent partners in their lives.

I think the ex needs to grow up and discuss his girlfriend situation with you. Kids are the most important creatures especially in a seperation with co parenting. Both parties need to be forthcoming with who is entering their Childs life.

This ex sounds immature – I think it’s not about him seeing someone else it’s about introducing people you don’t know to the child. I would want boundaries on how long this person is in the exes life before introducing them to the child. You don’t want ever partner to be introduced unless it’s serious. The poor child will struggle if people are constantly coming and going from their life

Realistically having your ex start seeing someone new is a part of the separation process; by no means does it mean she can bar her ex from seeing the child.
During separation (if amicable) I think it is always smart to set ground rules when introducing the new partner to the children (how many dates/weeks/months together before introducing, introduce to the other parent first, any concerns of safety to have open communication).

I just feel sorry for the child in this situation.

Hmmm it’s no business of the mother’s if her ex wants to start seeing other people, but he shouldn’t be having her around their son unless it’s serious and it sounds as though it’s not.

I would wonder why their son plays up when the father is dressing him and not with the mother. Depending on how old your son is, I’d ask him if there is a reason why he’s like this. Maybe he doesn’t want to go with his dad because the rules are different at his Dad’s place. Why not all meet at the park or playground including the girlfriend and talk calmly about things.

This is interesting and I understand her shock based on the conversations she has had. I’m not sure how old her child is and it’s an assumption that her ex also co-sleeps with her son when he has him. The poor child will just be confused by it all. It’s all about communication and the ex is clearly trying to put all the blame on her. No winners here.

I think if there was a firm “can’t introduce for 6 months”, and he introduced at 3 months. Then yes. That’s not OK. However, there will be times when you have no say in his life and yes, your son will be effected by the decisions. Your priority is your son. You can protect him to a certain point. Not allowing your ex to see your son, is hurting your son too. It’s not an easy path to travel. Keeping boundaries and co parenting, some ex’s are high conflict without even knowing why they do it. Having an argument in front of your son. That’s a solid no, from me. Your son is hurting already, don’t make it worse. He already knows you’re not getting along.

Try to keep calm about it all and ask to speak in private. Sometimes there will be female friends, doesn’t mean he’s dating them, but, that also means you can’t make that assumption either. It goes both ways. You need to be able to trust and be trusted.

All the best

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 20 Jul 2024 , 6:21 am

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  Yes, not allowing the son to see his father is a step too far in my opnion. Rather focus on working together as mature adults and open communication.

Totally understand. I think that I would be cautious as well. I would prefer someone to have seen and known someone for a bit more time and know that it’s serious before introducing them but that’s just me.

The ex handled this badly – but so did you. It deserved a stern conversation, but not going nuclear and keeping your son from him.

Sadly you are going to have to trust his judgement and yes it is wrong to keep your son from him. You have met this woman but say you dont know her. Seriously how do you expect to get to know her?… The only way that can happen is for you to spend a hell of a lot of time with her and you know thats not going to happen.

Navigating new relationships for people in this situation can be difficult.

Such a tough situation! If your ex didn’t tell you about his new gf what else could he be lying about and hiding? I completely understand that he has the rights to move on but when a child is involved you need to talk about it.

I can understand her concerns about who her child meets and spends time with, but ultimately she can’t control her ex. He has just as much right to time with the child unless the courts order otherwise. It would be ideal for both parties to have mutual respect and understanding but if that isn’t the case you have to deal with it. You can’t use a child as a bartering tool or means to hurt the other.

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 19 Jul 2024 , 7:46 am

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  Yes, I totally agree with you

I can totally understand where the mum is coming from and i think the dad should have been honest with her considering they had a chat about it but i do think it was an over reaction to remove the child and not allow him to see his dad.

While I think it’s not a good idea to introduce new dates until it is more serious it is the dad’s choice.
This is his child too and he has the same rights as you.

Although I understand where the mum is coming from, I think her reaction is very strong. If her child is safe around the girlfriend then don’t let their disgruntlement get in the way of her child’s relationship with their father. Respect each other and discuss things openly in an upbuilding way

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 18 Jul 2024 , 7:47 am

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  Since they had a chat about it that if one of them is seeing someone and it is getting serious they would let the other know to discuss, make intros, etc. and he agreed with this, he however felt he couldn’t talk openly about it out of fewar of her reaction.
  Te biggest lesson out of this could be to refrain from strong reactions and to be respectful so that sharing feels more safe.

While I completely understand you not wanting your baby around people you don’t know and I understand your frustration you can’t keep him from his dad. I’m assuming there’s no court orders in place at this stage? But I’m guessing there soon will be.

Thats disgusting behaviour. What is that teaching the child in the long run. Also, keeping your child from the other parent out of spite only hurts the child.