In the end of the day this is totally your choice. You say you still love him and he is all you know. Personally I do believe repair is possible but I would be careful. He has broken your trust and mistreated you seriously and he would have to prove a huge and genuine change.
This one sentence you write jumps out for me “Now he all of a sudden wants back home and is sorry and it meant nothing and she was more into it than he was and he loves me and wants to go to counseling blah blah!” it indicates he possibly doesn’t see it as serious and also his motives to return to you now he lost everything are dubious.

I really don’t think I’d take him back – this wasn’t a one off mistake or impulse, it was long term and calculated. I think it’s time for her to move on. How wouild she trust him again? But I do think maybe she should see a counsellor to be at peace with the decision.

Ick! I’m so so so incredibly sorry for this mumma but I hope she knows she is worth way more than this guy!
I know it’s the father of her child and I am incredibly sorry for that child but I think for me it’s a no no. Not worth being hurt again

I agree with most of the comments. No, I would not take him back. Trust is well and truly gone and once it’s gone a relationship is on very shaky ground.

Unfortunately, I do not think there is any coming back from that. This was not just a one time ‘accident’ that he regrets. He has literally wasted 2 years of your lives having a secret life. The trust is well and truly broken and he has been dishonest for so long, I don’t know how that trust could ever be repaired. If he could do it once and then flick a switch and suddenly ‘love’ you again, he could pull the same stunt a second time or a third.

I’m sorry but to me a two-year relationship is something I could not forgive. I don’t think I would be able to stay within a long-term relationship if I didn’t trust my partner

He states she meant nothing to him…piff ….personally I feel you and your child meant nothing to him.
You and your child deserve better.
He his only crawling back because his secret second life has fallen into a sh-t heap.
Move on it’s a beautiful big world out there.

This was not a once off mistake, this was a 2 year affair that he left you for. You didnt find out because he regretted it. It sounds like you may never have found out. Maybe go see someone to talk to, to help you through this. Im so sorry you are going through this.

If it was me I would say not a chance. I believe once a cheater always a cheater. I would prefer to be a proud single lady.
However if you really love this guy I would insist that he take an AIDS and STI tests as well as go to counselling.

dont have him back he will do it again try and find alife without him

I’m sorry, but please don’t take him back as your husband if you can avoid it and are strong enough to do so. He’s betrayed you, emotionally and physically. He was more committed to the other woman and her family than he was to you and his biological children. Him wanting to come back now just sounds like his current relationship/affair has left him in too much of a pickle to continue it so he’s going to go back to the place and person he thinks will take him back and look after him until he, once again, finds something ‘better’ or ‘more interesting’. Trust me, the negatives you feel right now will never go away. What is done is done. You will always wonder if future late nights or absences are another affair. If you ask him and he swears it isn’t, you will struggle to believe that anyway because he’s already misled you seriously and for 2 years! I consider the emotional cheating worse that the physical cheating. It’s impossible to be emotionally partnered so deeply with someone else and not have neglected some part of you, your daughter or the marriage. The disgust and resentment you feel will stay. You might think it’s gone at some stage, but I can guarantee you it’s still there in the background waiting for you to let your mind’s protective barrier fall a little until it comes rushing back into your thoughts (and most often when you are looking at him!). Those feelings and thoughts will eat at you like a cancer and make you feel sick. If you can leave that behind, please do so. You may have noticed that I have said things like, “If you can”, “If you can avoid”, and “If you are strong enough”. That’s because nothing about this is or will be easy. As wives and mothers, we have a big tendency to put others before ourselves. This minimisation of our needs quite often leads us to also not respect ourselves as much or to blame ourselves first whenever anything is not quite right so, no, leaving a relationship for your own sake will not be easy. I can tell that loneliness may also be a concern for you. I can totally relate to that. Sometimes some of us have a sense of ‘nothing can be worse than being alone’. But, honestly, it’s not true, though knowing that and feeling that and following that can also be very hard. I wish you all the best and hope you can make a decision that will make you feel as best as you can and no-one else.

NO. If he’s done it once, he’s bound to repeat it. With anyone who’s willing.
You’ve been hurt badly once. I would not recommend you open yourself up to whatever he’ll do again.

No it can’t be repaired unless you want to be his doormat for the rest of your life. The only reason he wants back in is because he has lost his job and things aren’t going how he wants. He chose this other person when everything was going fine but now it’s not and the other person doesn’t want to do the hard yards with him he retreats to you because he knows he can waltz straight back because you are a soft touch. Have some pride in yourself. He is not going to change and he didn’t care how you felt when he first walked out. To him you are an easy mark because you say you love him. He obviously doesn’t love you because if he did he wouldn’t have pursued the other woman. Think of how your husband would have reacted if the scenario was reversed. Would he take you back if you did this to him. He is afraid of being on his own and when he finds another love he will walk again. Ultimately the choice is your to make but if you do take him back you will always be wondering if he is going to leave you again. Can you live with the constant doubt?

I have to say that most of them who cheat struggle to remain faithful. If they put you last in line then they can quite happily repeat it. Often it’s ego and breaks the trust. I’ve been there and when he left me for the 4th he didn’t get back in. The worst part was the way he blamed me and made me feel even more despairing and worthless. It takes courage to be on your own, but more courage to take them back and live in hope.

Totally no. I think there is no excuse to cheat, moreover to have an affair for 2 years. Please, darling, respect yourself and your kid(s), because this man did not deserve to be with you. It would be just heartbreaking for me to look at him and see in my head that he was using his private part for someone else and now for me again. Disgusting..
I’m so sorry, that you are going through all this!

Oh this is very very very sad. This man is not your person. If he’s only ever been your person, I can understand why you may be confused. Particularly if you’re religious. But what message would you be sending your daughter. Why is your husband speaking of the affair woman so disrespectfully? No doubt he said similar things to her about you. You’ve actually done the hard bit already, don’t go back. You’ll never truly respect yourself again.

The really sad part in my mind is that he now says “It meant nothing” … So he was willing to risk his relationship with you and his reputation with your daughter and family for something that meant NOTHING???
Only you know if you can forgive him but never forget and explain to him that he is the one that strayed and he is the one thats caused major damage so from here on in he will have to become a better husband than he was before and he will have to deal with the insecurities he has caused and all without complaint. If you want to give it a try tell him this is not 100% ‘we are back together’ … this is a trial. If you decide its not going to work start to put things in place to make sure you and your daughter are cared for.
Remember its possible you might be sending the wrong message to your daughter also so you will have to discuss things with her. She might feel that you are saying it is acceptable for a husband to treat his wife this way and the wife just need to suck it up and forgive. You need to be clear with her that it is not acceptable behaviour and no woman has to put up with this sort of behaviour. Loving someone is not reason enough to allow them to treat you like you are not important. Its better to be alone then to be with someone that mistreats you in anyway.

Although I have not been in this situation myself, I do feel I could not take him back. The hurt I would be feeling from this, I am not sure I could trust him again and I would always be wondering if he would do it again. you need to put yourself first and no that you can still love someone but it doesn’t mean they are right for you or you should be with them.

This sounds to me like a deep, protracted, and premeditated betrayal. I would not consider taking him back; it wasn’t an impulsive mistake or anything like that. If you do consider taking him back, then I would say have counselling together and separately first, to be absolutely certain it’s what you want.

There need to be clearly defined rules and boundaries in a healthy relationship that are non negotiable. Being faithful and loyal is a number one rule in my relationship and the consequences of not respecting these rules was discussed at the beginning of our relationship. It is so essential for all people in relationships to set up rules and boundaries.