Fkn WOW
This guy, he’s no good. Insensitive, inconsiderate, selfish, cruel and just bad bad bad.

Logically, you would do so much better elsewhere.

Oh thats a horrible thing to hear and deal with. I would not want to be with such a man and to think if you have been with him for 13 years. I definitely think you should reconsider the partnership as it doesnt really sound like one. You bear the cost, the pain of bearing a child and then give birth, the child should be solely yours too then

WOW .. Its so sad to me that you have been married to this selfish boy for 13 years. Cant refer to him as a Man as a real Man would not act this way. As soon as you got married the money and anything else became YOURS as a unit and not yours and his. I guess he doesnt want to be a team. His response would have me questioning if I even wanted to continue to be with such an immature being.

Infertility and the journey to becoming parents is already a struggle without their being angst in a relationship. Parents to be need to support each other which includes support with emotions and finance. It is so essential to communicate and to respect and support each other along the way; it is a deal breaker.

No definitely not overreacting at all. I would be so hurt and angry. To be honest it sounds like he doesn’t actually want to be a father. If he truly did then it should mean more to him than spending “his” savings. He sounds really selfish and unsupportive to me.. 🙁

I have never understood the whole ‘my money’ ‘his money’ idea that you see going on with couples these days. When you are married (or in a long-term de facto relationship), it should only ever be ‘Our money’. That aside, I think the husband is being unnecessarily cruel and at the end of the day if he wants to have a family with his wife, regardless of whose fault he perceives it to be, then they both need to pay for the IVF. It really should be a 50/50 split.

I think both husband and wife need to sort out whether the marriage is solid before bringing children into it. There are obviously problems most likely due to stress, but are there deeper issues here? I would recommend speaking to a counsellor.

What an awful, callous action. I’d have moved out too. Im not sure he sounds like someone ready and able to be a partner in the true sense of the word, based on that interpretation. The pompousness of ‘it’s your fault so you pay’ is frankly mind-boggling! We are nt talking about a damage to a car that one person caused, we’re talking about a potential human!

It sounds to me like he doesn’t really want a child if he has to help pay for the IVF. My late husband and I tried IVF a few times and not once did he suggest I pay for it myself. If you have to pay the entire amount, it would make the child more yours than his. He will come to regret his actions later.

For him to say that it’s obvious you have separate money and pay for separate things. Like has he paid for the cars? Or holidays even, probably alot of the wedding costs. If that is the case then yes it’d be good if you paid the ivf.

It sounds to me that this is not an equal relationship or team whereby husband and wife both desire to have a child together. The fact that he blames his wife for their infertility and therefore thinks she should pay for the costs for IVF treatment should be a huge red flag. It sounds to me this husband doesn’t truly loves and respects his wife. When I would be his wife I would most certainly not want to have children with him and pack my bags.

Marriage is a union and having children is also a union of people taking on the joint responsibility of parenthood. Everything about the journey of parenthood is a joint decision and joint responsibility and that always includes financial responsibility. It would be truly awful and unfair and a deal breaker to be told to go solo.

You wasted 13 years and have money. Just do ivf without him but with a donor. His too toxic. It won’t end well if you are with him.

Wow. That is quite unbelievable. You both have been married for so long – why is it even a discussion that he should not pay his part? A child is a choice you both made together. There shouldn’t be his or hers in this matter. Yes he can express his feelings – but hes in the wrong for not wanting to contribute??

To be honest, If he wants the child too he should contribute. I personally would pay for it myself if I really want a baby and I wouldn’t rely on my husband because we know men don’t want to take any responsibility. he doesn’t sound like a mature person if he blames you. he should be supportive and he should be saying that its okay to be infertile because it is quite common. once a man starts the blame game I would suggests couple counceling. it is not shameful to seek counceling to work through this kind of issue

My first thought is are you absolutely sure that you are the one with fertility issues. Have either of you been tested. My next would be to agree with the previous comment that you need to consider couples counselling first. If you can’t get past this then you maybe shouldn’t be together. It’s definitely a joint cost. It doesn’t like he thinks you are both a part of a couple in this. Dangerous thinking.

I really don’t understand why people don’t see children as a shared cost in marriage – including the getting of them. I think this is an ominous sign for the future. And neither of them seem to be being very kind to each other, and he especially seems to be inconsiderate. I think marriage counselling might be in order.