Meeting a newborn usually comes with the usual unspoken rules: wash your hands or don’t visit if you’re sick. But one new dad has taken things to another level, sending an unhinged and very detailed list of instructions to a friend, who just had to share it online.

The 36-year-old man explained that his friend recently welcomed a baby, and he’d organised to meet the little bundle of joy. And then he received a text laying down some ground rules before the visit.

“We’ve been friends for a long time but this is giving me an anxiety attack,” he explained. “Probably just gonna go say hi and get out of dodge. Like bro come on.”

He shared the text online, and it attracted thousands of comments from people just as shocked with the demands.

The text begins:

“To make your first visit with the baby a bit smoother, we have a couple of quick guidelines for guests. We know it looks long but a lot of this is intuitive once you’re in the space.”

Ok, so far so good. Next comes a list of ‘General’ guidelines, including:

• Texting two minutes before arrival so the new parents can begin ‘transitioning’ the baby.
• Pausing briefly when entering so the baby can register the guests’ presence.
• Guests should enter calm and grounded. ‘If you’ve had a chaotic day, a quick reset lap around the block is appreciated.’
• Washing hands once. And then again.
• Wearing soft fabrics.

Now we’re starting to get the picture. The text then goes on to lay down some rules around interactions.

• ‘A soft smile is perfect. Full teeth can feel like a lot early on.’
• ‘Speak in a calm, measured tone; full sentences are great, he’s very receptive to cadence.’
• ‘Try to avoid a performative baby voice.’
• ‘Eye contact should be gentle and intermittent (think friendly co-worker, not intense eye contact across a bar.’

There are also rules around language. For example saying things like ‘he seems very aware’ and ‘you can tell he’s processing’ and avoiding saying ‘he’s so small’.

The parents also encourage guests to stay calm if their baby boy starts crying because ‘he can feel when people spiral’.

They also ask that guests let them know if they’ve recently eaten onion or garlic, and encourage a ‘soft exit’ on departure.

The post was savaged online, many claiming the ‘insanely’ detailed text is ‘entitled’ and ‘delusional’.

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