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My cousin is pregnant. She is related on my husbands side of the family. She is in her late twenties, lives at home and her boyfriend doesn’t work. Both my husband and I work, have our own house (owned by the bank as we pay off the mortgage) and we struggled to have a child. We have one daughter who just turned three. My cousin says that she will go back to work as soon as she can and leave the baby for her mother to care for. She seems to have very little interest in the child.

The rest of the family expect that I will give all of my daughters things to my cousin – pusher, capsule, baby seat, clothes, change table etc. My husband and I are hoping to have another child. We worked hard and saved to buy a lot of the things for our daughter and others were gifts from my parents. It irritates me that I seem to be expected to just hand over all of our baby stuff. Am I just being mean not wanting to give all of my baby things to her?


Posted anonymously, 31st May 2015


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  • No not at all you shouldn’t be made to feel like you do just explain the situation that you are keeping it because you will be having another child

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  • If the stuff is yours, it’s up to you if you want to give it to her or not. Just because you have something doesn’t mean you have to give it to someone. Keep it for your second child! In fact, you don’t even have to tell her. Just don’t offer it to her.

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  • I think that it is reasonable for you AND you husband to say No.

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  • Families can be hard work sometimes. Keep your stuff, it’s yours, you are not being mean and by the sounds of it, you’ll be wanting to use it again in the future.

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  • You are not being mean at all. You said it yourself you and your hubby worked hard for all those things you purchased. If your family are so concerned with your cousin not having certain things they can chip in themselves. Although I’m no stranger to family pressures and guilt trips, stick to your guns.. I wish you luck!! :)

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  • It is not being mean,you can keep your stuff because it’s yours! You may need those items in the future and you worked hard to buy them.

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  • I don’t think you are being mean at all. It is your choice and right to hold onto things that you worked so hard for whether you get to have a new bub straight away or not. Everyone else in the family who is of the opposite opinion should start reaching into their own pockets and supplying these expected items and I’m sure we’ll see a reduction of just what people expect her to be given. Don’t let them get them down too much and I hope it works out stress free for yourself and your husband.

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  • Not mean at all! You worked hard for them…they are yours! People should mind their own business. Explain that you are hoping for another child and will be keeping your items. They should understand and are not really entitled to an opinion on the matter!

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  • If you are planning on having more children down the track just explain to the family that you want to use the stuff in the future..Surely they should understand.
    You are not being unreasonable at all.
    Hugs..families are difficult.

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  • As you said you worked hard to get those things, they are yours you do with them as you please. There is a lot of charity shops and markets that she could get things from.

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  • It’s a different matter to pass on items if you are finished having children but with one child and the possibility of more, it makes complete sense to want to save your baby items for future little ones.
    Best wishes and all the very best to you.

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  • wow that is the same attitude that my sister has but thank god she has got pregnant yet

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  • Its your stuff and as you said you worked hard to buy it and there for you do with it what you want to do. Don’t feel pressured by family. There are plenty of charity shops, jumble sales, church, school fates around if they want to purchase 2nd hand and cheap. They should start looking here.

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  • No i wouldnt offer my things at all, You need them and i can garentee she wont give them back undamaged . When we had our kids we purchased evreything of good quality to do or family. Now our family is complete its a different story only now will i pass them on if they are needed. Even then if they are still as good as new we will be selling them we can upgrade our childs car seat etc. People are greedy and epect to much.

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  • No your not being mean. It’s yours and you have a right to give it away or not. Some friends kindly lent us their bassinet while in between children, we have looked after it carefully and didn’t expect such a kind gesture as it does add to the wear and tear. It may limit the use you get out of stuff for future kids even if you’re not using stuff now. Also it sounds like it’s also about the principal of the matter with your cousin expecting everyone to take care of her. It’s ok to say no just because you don’t want to… May be easy to use the excise that you want it in case you have more kids though :)

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