At only 19 years old i gave birth to two very premature twin girls. Jasmine (Twin a) and Sienna (Twin b), they were only 26+1 weeks gestation and so very tiny and fragile weighing only 940 grams 34 cm long and 860 grams 28cm long. They came early due to having Twin to Twin transfusion syndrome which is quite a serious complication with twins and often can result in the death of one or both twins. Unfortunately on day 2 after my precious girls were born, extreme prematurity and the after effects of the TTTS claimed the life of my darling Sienna. Not a day goes by where i dont think about her. It was a very confusing and hard time for my partner and I. Trying to be happy Jasmine was doing well, but also grieving the death of our daughter. One thing i knew for certain though, was that i had to be there for my daughter and stay strong no matter what; Its what Sienna would have wanted. I knew that she was jasmines guardian angel as many times she defeated the odds and there was no other reason for it but a miracle. (When my girls were born, Jasmine was the sicker of the 2 and she was the one who wasn’t expected to make it)

We had a 4 month Hospital stay, staying away 2 hours from our home and had my mother visit us every 2nd weekend, visiting her first grandchild and bringing frozen meals and offering support. I remember the smell of the hospital hand sanitizer and getting a feeling that was just so sick to my stomach everytime i smelt it as it kept reminding me of my daughter. Every little call i would jump and think the absolute worst. My daily routine was Pump, See my daughter, Pump,eat, pump, pump,pump,eat,sleep/shower etc and start my day all over again. I would sit at the hospital for 12 hours with my daughter, sometimes longer and i could notice what a difference it made. I didnt get my first cuddle until she was well and truly over 2 weeks old and even than we would have days where she wouldnt be stable enough for hugs and were only allowed one hug per day. My partner and I would take turns every 2-3 days was when we would get a hug, so really we each got 1 hug per week. When bathing her we would have to use a tiny pot of water and cotton buds making sure we dried her off quickly so she didnt get too cold. It was horrible seeing her hooked up to so many machines and all the alarms going off, seeing my daughter turn blue at one stage and all the drs rushing in etc. Even now i panic if she gets ill because it could turn serious a lot faster, but she is a thriving happy 15 month old, 12 months corrected and i love her to bits! She is going to have a baby brother in July this year and we couldnt be happier :)

Posted by alyssajh5, 22nd April 2013

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  • It is so difficult to just sit there observing feeling anxious and useless becuase you are unable to help your little baby, or even hold her.


  • Good luck with the birth of your son in July. I too had premmie twins and know how helpless I felt in the NICU unable to hold my twins or do anything much to help them until they grew stronger and healthier. I am so sorry for the loss of Sienna. Life is just so unfair at times and doesn’t make sense.


  • Your an amazing person with so much strength and your precious little girl will live on through her sister. Sending you a cyber hug


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