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Every week my husband and I have the same conversation, wondering whether or not we should have a second child. Our son is 5 but age gap is not an issue for us. The main issue is all the hard times I went through during my pregnancy — skin issues, vomitting and nausea during all 9 months from day 1 etc — and now that our son was diagnosed with autism we think maybe we should focus all our attention and efforts on him and give him the best support that we can. We fear that if our next child has more issues we won’t be able to cope, psychologically.

We think we should put our son first. He needs us 100% for now at least. So we’ll be fair and help him be the best he can be. If things get better but if by then it’s too late to have another baby, we have other options, perhaps adoption or fostering. Or even ‘borrowing’ a young relative who would like to move from overseas to be raised by us for a better education or a better life altogether (I have friends who do this for their nieces and nephews).

If it’s love that we are dying to give to a second child, then I’m hoping that these options should suffice. But, if them being blood is important then that’s a whole different story and it would definitely break my heart if by the time we decide it’s too late.


Posted by sillymummy, 25th February 2013


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  • If in doubt, hesitate. Otherwise go for it!

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  • What a predicament! Wanting a second baby but not sure if you should. Are there any tests that could be done to ensure a healthy baby? I say go for it, you never know, and you’ll cope better if number 2 is autistic

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  • Thank you for sharing. Very interesting!

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  • Thanks for sharing your story…. I wonder how many children you have now?

    Reply

  • I watch my sister struggle with 4 kids, 1 who has Down syndrome and I know she feels guilty of not giving everyone their fair share of attention.

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  • You are in a difficult situation, I can understand you would like another child, but personally I don’t think I could cope with two children (one being autistic), I don’t think I would have enough time for both of them. I am wondering what you are doing now, are you having another child? I hope everything works out for your family.

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  • Borrowing a child sounds horrible. This poor little kid would have to move to a whole new country without their parents or friends and different culture . Then after to give them back i think that would be so hard for a child.
    You shouldn’t borrow a child because you feel like you want another kid then return it when you’ve had enough. I think if you have one child with autism you should think about the time and effort you could spend on another child and. I guess in the end if this child is old enough to understand how different thing will be here and that seeing their family wont be easy. But they are coming to a better country. Thats a hard one i hope thing work out. You could try the adoption where you look after a child every weekend and see how you go 1st see how your son reacts


    • I agree with your theory. You will see how your son reacts to another child, whether his response appears to be positive or negative. Perhaps during the school holidays. If a couple of days seems Ok you may like to extend it for a couple more days the second time after a few days gap.

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