Hello!

9 Comments

Hi guys, I really don’t know where to start. Firstly, the story I am going to share is not for sympathy, it is simply for you to know who I am and why I am the way I am:) haha.

I am turning 40 this yr, and have the most beautiful little family, a great and supportive husband and 2 beautiful teenagers (with everything teenagers come with of course;) but really, they are great kids!

They are my life!

Now to the yucky bit for you to understand my reason for posting this story.

My little sister and I were abandoned at a very young age (12ish) and have both grown up only with each other literally. Money would be remotely sent to cover rent and bills etc, but other than that, we were completely on our own.

I truly believe we had lots of little angels sitting on our shoulders because we both continued on with school and I even continued on to university.

Now, we have both built lovely families and are both very passionate about our children! (I guess it’s for obvious reasons). Unfortunately she lives overseas now and we don’t get to see each other often, but of course the love is still there and so is the contact.

However, even though I had such a hard past and have a great present there is a sadness and guilt there which I CANNOT get rid of!!!!!

And that is, I have been working all my life, (I know, as many other mothers and women do) but this story is about me and my feelings. So, I have worked forever. And because I had the kiddies overseas, the law there was to go back to work full time 45 days after your child is born. And honestly guys, there was no way we could survive on one salary and you cant count on government help or anything like that which we are so fortunate to have here in Australia.

Surprisingly, and literally it took me completely by surprise, every time one of my kids turned around 11-12 I just went into a maaajor depression. With help, treatment and support I was able to beat the two big episodes I got and now, I am just managing it and I think Im doing quite well. I think it is quite obvious why the depression came specifically at those two stages, and a huge part of it, was guilt for not being around and working such long hours away from my kiddies. I guess I felt they would feel as lonely as my sister and I did. But of course they don’t because they have both a Mum and a Dad who love them unconditionally and who are there every night to tuck them into bed, but in my mind that guilt just lingers and lingers and lingers….

I guess what I am trying to convey, is, my reason for living has and always will be my children. Even in the darkest moments throughout my depression, my kids were my reason for living. There are two major points I would like to make, for those who may suffer from depression or who may have had a very difficult upbringing. This may not be you but it may be a friend, or someone you know. Firstly, depression can be treated but it does not disappear on its own. You need to allow someone to help you and if it isn’t you going through it, YOU insist and just get there and help that person going through it. It is tough to accept help and it is tough to give it when somebody doesn’t want it, but please don’t give up!

And in regards to having had a difficult upbringing, the story DOES NOT need to repeat itself. Be strong and learn from your experiences, good or bad and be the best version of yourself you can be!!.

As the title of this little story says, I am in a bit of a dilemma, but I am hoping I will find a solution, as I always have for every brick wall I have hit, and please know, I have bumps and bruises galore!!!:)

My dilemma now is still that guilt. I have never really had the chance of being that ‘full time Mum’ not even for a little while (only for those 45days when the kiddies were just born).

One is now going into yr 12 next year and the other one is starting high school next year. And my heart is bleeding because I sooooo want to at least be with them that year which is so special and important for each one of them, BUT and there is always a BUT of course, I am and have always been the main income earner.

As I said before, this is not a story for sympathy, it is a story from one woman and Mum to others but I think at the same time it is a bit of a ‘what do you reckon’ to see what you guys think or if you guys can give me any ideas, tips I don’t know, anything, any advice perhaps? Am I being selfish in still having that sadness cloud my heart sometimes? I know there are heaps and heaps of Mums out there who have it much worse than me and please know I acknowledge that COMPLETELY!, but hey, feelings are real, and these are mine.

And I’ll tell you a little secret, in an ideal world where money just isn’t an issue, or maybe it is not necessarily in an ideal world, but at a different stage of my life, I would looooove to foster children and give them allll the love I have to give, because I do have heaps more to give:), but honestly, I would love with all my heart to be able to provide that comfort, that stability, that happiness and warmth and sense of security and love and family at the end of the day to those children who by no fault of their own are missing all these wonderful qualities a loving, caring person or family can provide:)


Posted by mae1, 12th July 2013


Post your story
  • You have had to push hard for your early survival and you have done that.
    You made a very good point about depression too. Unfortunately you can’t force a person to ask for help. You can’t even officially ask a Dr.about a patient but you can let him/her know there is an issue and he can watch out for the symptoms. If they become violent you can call the Police and discuss the details with them in confidence and take him/her to hospital for treatment if they deem it necessary. Otherwise they can take him/her in remand and seek help for him that way…………Never be afraid to ask for help for yourself or somebody else if there is abuse involved.

    Reply

  • What a beautiful story you have come so far I hope everything turns out for you

    Reply

  • You’ve come so far! It’s only natural to want and be with your kids full time.

    Reply

  • You’re a great mum. Of course your children are your life. Mine too. I’ve been lucky (and unlucky due to a car accident) I have been able to stay home with mine (apart from a few years of part-time work). But my friends have all worked full-time. I can’t honestly say that working is best, but its necessary. Mu husband has always worked long hours and I can honestly say my kids are just as close to him as I am and I’ve been home. Kids know when they are loved. You kids know. Being with them 24/7 doesn’t make you a better mum. Loving your kids and doing what you need to to make sure they get what they need is being a good mum. And look at what you have achieved with the cards you were dealt! I think you are amazing and your kids are lucky to have you as their mum.

    Reply

  • Thank you for sharing. I hope you’re closer to a solution.

    Reply

  • My hat goes off to you and your sister its not easy growing up alone. I wish you and your familys all the best with the future. :)

    Reply

  • Thank you for sharing your story :) You show an incredible strength, and it seems to me you are an awesome parent. I don’t think there are too many parents who don’t feel guilty, we all would like our families to have a better life, closer relationships, and be perfect parents. Just remember, you didn’t have the advantage of good parents to learn from, and it seems to me you are doing everything you can to ensure that your children are not in that place you were. Be gentle on yourself, you are doing the best you can :)

    Reply

  • Kids grow up so fast and it’s only natural that you want to be with them every step of their lives. My heart sinks knowing that my son will start high school next year and he’s no longer my baby boy. You’ve shown your children as to what it’s like to be a strong, capable women and you have done everything to give them a life full of love and security. That’s pretty awesome!!

    Reply

  • well said i wish you all the best and hope your sister can make your 40th

    Reply

Post a comment
Like Facebook page

LIKE MoM on Facebook

Please enter your comment below
Would you like to include a photo?
No picture uploaded yet.
Please wait to see your image preview here before hitting the submit button.
Your MoM account


Lost your password?

Enter your email and a password below to post your comment and join MoM:

↥ Back to top

Thanks For Your Star Rating!

Would you like to add a written rating or just a star rating?

Write A Rating Just A Star Rating
Join