I am a very busy mum at the moment. I have two children under three and my youngest doesn’t sleep very well. For the past six months I feel like I have been juggling all the household chores and sleepless nights and busy children alone whilst my husband spends most of his free time at home on his computer. I understand he works full time and has a busy job but I feel that he works this eight hours and the rest of his day is ‘me time’ whilst I am busy 24/7. This leads to quite a lots of disharmony in the household and I always feel resentful toward him. Although I keep pointing out some of the many things he could be helping me with it just seems to end in us arguing.
This past two weeks my husband has been overseas and I feel like I have really noticed how little he does at home. Absolutely nothing is different in his absence, my days are exactly the same only I feel much more happy and the house seems much more tidy. I have even had some pretty terrible nights this past week with my children being sick but I feel I have coped much better without him around.
I feels like the stress has left the house. Usually when I’m feel overwhelmed I look to him for support and when I don’t get it I get angry and irritable. When he’s not here however, I just seem to get on with it and I cope much better.
It has left me wondering, should I bet getting a divorce and be a single mum or should I just pretend he’s not here when he actually is as my day would be happier.
I’m sure I’m not the only person who feels this way but this is not the happy life I imagined when I got married. I hope it gets better as the children get older.

Posted anonymously, 18th October 2014

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  • I’m so sorry things are rough. I find if someone’s around in have expectations of them to help, and when they fall short it’s worse than when they weren’t there. Something does need to change! But divorce probably isn’t the best solution. Sorting out who had kids; dropping them off, 2 parenting styles. It’s a tough road. If seriously consider marriage counseling.. As terrible as this is he may listen to someone else. Hopefully it’s a season not permanent. If you figure out how to get him to help more you should write a book!!!


  • stories are great to read


  • Also; I hope things have improved.


  • Maybe; sit down and discuss this with your husband with the help of a counsellor?


  • It sounds like life is more stressful when your husband is around coz you want and expect him to pitch in and help and try to make things easier. But he doesnt and even though the past has shown this it still hurts just as much everytime and tou will also be feeling the hurt of every past time on top of it aswell.
    a divorce is nothing to rush into try talking to your husband about how you feel rather than what you want him to do.


  • Wow if you are feeling like that then yes the separation is best, maybe work on yourself for abit then look at your marriage. See how happy everyone is then, just don’t forget children need their parents but they dont need them in the same house if no one is happy.


  • Kelly’s reply is quite an honest one.
    My comment is that staying just for the sake of the children is not a good move if you continue to argue. Children hear and sense anger, bitterness etc when they should be experiencing warmth, love and harmony. Can you talk to hubby and explain you need some help or perhaps attend a counseling session. If hubby will not listen or agree to counselling maybe a separation will shock him into reality. Best of luck and wishing well, this really is something both of you should be working on.


  • Wow… Reading your story is increíble…. I know exacly how you feel, im in the same situation only not married, ingaged instead. Gosh, Wat is it with same men these days. We aré meant to be a team. We can only do for Wat We feel an know whats best. All the best in the near Future ;-)


  • I think you have answered your own question really.
    You say you are much happier when hes not around and you deal with things so much better, then maybe separating is best for you.
    Yes im sure there will be people saying its not right to split the family up and take the children away from their dad, but surely your happiness is what you have to put first.
    Good luck with your decision and i really hope you make the right one for you not anyone else.


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