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In the past 6 years I have been lucky enough to find the love of my life, married him & we now have 2 beautiful boys who I love with all my heart.

Despite having relatively comfortable pregnancies (no morning sickness but both boys favoured my right side ribs for kicking practise!!), I had my first at 37 weeks via emergency c-section & now my 6 week, who I had at nearly 36 weeks, again via emergency c-section. He also spent the first (& longest it seemed) 11 days if his life in special care nursery getting strong enough to come home with us.

I love being pregnant – it’s when I actually keep myself the healthiest. I love being a mum – it is fulfilling & rewarding in so many ways. But when my husband asked me if I thought we would have any more children I couldn’t give him a definitive answer.

Yes – because we have made 2 wonderful sons together & he is an amazing Dad. I love the anticipation of being pregnant, feeling life growing & just waiting to meet this new little person.

But, bigger in my mind, no – while I think I do pregnancy pretty well, the birth bit hasn’t turned out so well for me. Though my second wasn’t quite as frantic a c-section as the first was, it was still something that happened so much faster than I could keep up with. That & knowing the likelihood of having another baby come early is pretty high for me, I couldn’t bear to have to be in a maternity ward again without my baby, hearing everyone else’s…leaving hospital to go home without my baby & feeling so surreal & guilty that I wasn’t there with him when he wasn’t strong enough.

I don’t want to make any decisions at the moment that would be permanent but I know I need to be realistic. My age doesn’t favour me waiting for too long to decide either. I know at the moment I don’t have to decide really but there will come a time when the question might be asked again…I guess I’ll know my answer then!

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Posted by elmo77, 12th August 2013