I have a confession to make. When I had my 20 week ultrasound with my first child when I was 21 years old I burst into tears. My mum and my partners mum both looked at each other and said “it’s a boy”. My heart just longed for a beautiful baby girl. I remember nights where I would lay in bed and the tears would just flow… but then everything just changed the day I delivered my beautiful baby boy… he was perfect in every way and I fell in love with him at once. With the second child I hoped and prayed for a baby girl… I was so nervous at the ultrasound but had my fingers and toes crossed… I think my face fell when they announced it was a boy because the ultrasound technician said “Don’t worry, you can have another one”.
I remember thinking that I would never try again because I would be devastated if I had boys one after the other… But then for the past year I’ve been thinking maybe another boy wouldn’t be so bad… I love the two I already have and my heart has more room to give… If I take the plunge I will love whatever I get. So I’ve been trying the last 5 months to get pregnant and fingers crossed I am. I will take the test next week- don’t want to check too early lol . Anyway secretly inside I’m dying for a girl… I feel envious when I see mothers with little girls… I love to look at girly things and struggle to put them back… I’ve made up my mind to be happy with any healthy child but inside I can’t help but feel that little twinge of sadness and sometimes at night the tears flow as I wonder what my little girl would be like if I ever had one.. would she look like me?
I smile softly as I put that dream away and wonder if anyone else out there feels the same as me?
Posted by preggiegoddess01, 30th May 2013