I have been writing different life stories here for awhile now. so sitting here on a Sunday Afternoon I though my most painful life story may help other mums and dads. I hope so with all my heart.
It was about 20 years ago when my husband and I decided to look for his son, whom he had custody of, but stolen from his mother’s home. He just wanted to know if he was ok. So I just kept pressing the issue until the day we found him. We were so excited when he rang and asked if he could come and stay with us.
We were over the moon and so excited standing at the bus station waiting for the bus to arrived, then a big grown man got off the bus and came to us. He lived with us for around 6 months when I remember wishing he would leave. He had no personal hygiene, no prospects for work. We bought him toothbrushes and toothpaste, as well as deodorant and anything else he needed. We had my son who was around 10 at the time, our 6 yr old daughter and 4 year old son. Every friday, my hubby and I would spend a couple of hours out, go to the local meat raffles, then go out for dinner. It was great to be able to do this for a change.
Then my world collapsed. My 10 yr old came and told me that hubby’s son bragged to him that he was touching our 6 year old daughter. My 10 yr old was terrified because he was told if he dobbed, he would cop it. I then told hubby. He rang the police. They asked if we could bring our daughter around in the morning so she could be interviewed. That night, my husband kicked his son out, told him to come back the next day in the afternoon to collect his things. We watched him all night sitting in the scrub across the road all night, we even had the neighbours keeping an eye out in case he went through their back yard. Next morning we did as we were told by the police, our daughter was interviewed, when finished, they said they were going to pick him up to charge him. We set it up, police were hiding around the streets, in and around the house. He knocked on the door, it was so hard, but I took him into the kitchen to the waiting policeman. He was taken to the station and charged. We had to fight to have him remanded as he had a bus ticket in his pocket when he was picked up.
Then the hardest part really started. my youngest boys unfortunately were ignored most of the time, unknowingly, as we suffered so much pain and guilt. It was always on those friday nights that we went out, the guilt tore us up. I took our daughter to a psychologist, I even started a support group with another lady over the next few months, then my 10 yr old started playing up, I had to send him back to his father, he misunderstood why, and he was accused as being the rapist by his step-mother, which I didn’t know. Unfortunately we lost touch. Times were really bad, we suffered so much. the guilt was eating us up. But instead of tearing apart the marriage, we got stronger. Hubby even received a father’s day card from the prison, saying it was revenge, for what we will never know, he said he will never stop looking for us. We took the card to the court house, We were told by the magistrate that we cannot prevent him ever coming to the house, he advised us to move away, not telling anyone where we were going except the court house so they could let us know when the court case was due to start.
In court he was found guilty of around 12 charges, given 3 years with a non parole period of 12 months. He could be out in 3 months due to time served. This was in Queensland, a terrible sentence.
We spent the next 9 years moving from house to house, losing a business, losing friends. We were just too scared to tell anyone where we were going, Luckily he hasn’t found us, our daughter eventually started a new life, but sometimes she thinks she still sees him in the street.
Our marriage survived the stress, I love my husband so very much, I never blamed him, he never blamed me for finding his son. The support group I started continued for a few months that I know of. I just wanted to help, as much as I could. It still eats at us occasionally, but we have gone this far. I am just so sorry to my son’s for ignoring them during the hard times, You don’t mean to, I know my youngest has forgiven us, but I don’t think my eldest son from my first marriage will ever forgive me.but one day he may understand. xxx dee
Posted by dee lindsay, 27th April 2014