Hi! Let me introduce myself. I am 26 years old with two children under five. I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder one year ago. I took the medication that my doctor prescribed, refused to see a psychologist as I strongly believed my anxiety was caused by the extreme workplace bullying I had experienced at the time, quit job and moved to the other side of Queensland. It wasn’t until this year that I recognised I had a problem… I was so exhausted I barely survived an 8 hour shift at work, I felt dizzy, nauseous and was vomiting at work. I had heart palpitations and trouble breathing. My hands went numb alot and I went up and down to the doctors for blood tests. One doctor told me I had arthritis, then I thought I was pregnant, then a doctor told me it was gastro… Finally I admitted and realized that all of this was the Anxiety. I went back on medication and found one that didn’t give me the horrible side effects I experienced the first time. I have been seeing a psychologist and learning techniques on how to deal with my problem. I have discovered that I have had anxiety my whole life but that it is much worse when under extreme levels of stress. Seeing a psych isn’t as bad as I initially imagined. When I first learned of mental illness at university I remember thinking how awful it all sounded and that I hoped I would never develop a mental illness. Little did I know that I already had mental health issues! The main thing in recovery is that you need to face your fears and admit to your condition. The earlier you believe in your diagnosis, the earlier you will start your road to recovery. I am now more focused and motivated and am still a wonderful mother to my children. Having a disorder doesn’t affect your ability to parent effectively. My children are smart, well rounded and very affectionate. the love I have for my children is so much my heart feels as though it could burst at times. Last year I felt suicidal (anxiety untreated leads to depression) and the love I have for my children are what pulled me through. When times are tough and I just want to lie in bed and cry- I simply think of my children and how much they need me- even with my faults. One of the things with my anxiety was that I felt an intense need to be perfect and because of the pressure I was putting myself under with striving for perfection at work- I would take my frustrations out on my husband if he made a mistake. A year ago he said to me “people make mistakes” and I said “well that’s not good enough- I have to be perfect all the time and if I make even one tiny mistake that’s the end of me. I can’t afford to make mistakes and I hate that you make mistakes that throw my whole scedule right out. I have enough to deal with without having to fix your mistakes too!” These days, I no longer strive for perfection… I affirm every day to myself that no human being is perfect and I do not have to be perfect. I have learnt to put things into perspective and strive when things matter and to be more relaxed with things that don’t matter as much. If the house is a bit untidy- then so be it. Life can’t be perfect 24 hours a day Plus life’s too short to worry about a little mess!
Posted by preggiegoddess01, 22nd April 2013