It should have been my decision - Real Mum story on MoM

Ever since I was little girl, I always wanted to be a breast feeding mum.

I had my baby just over twelve months ago, and I have been able to live that dream.

Being able to nourish and provide for my daughter was the greatest privilege, it gave us the best bond I believe.

I was able to feed her for twelve month, two weeks and two days, then suddenly it was like my nipples decided to give up. They swelled, cracked and somehow became infected, the whole base was terrible, they felt like they were going to fall off, and I didn’t think that was possible after already breaking through the initial discomfort, and then getting successfully twelve months down the track.

It was so hard to have to deny them to my daughter, but they had to heal, and the pain was unbearable.

Unfortunately by the time the infection had gone, so had

My milk, and that was so disappointing for me, as I wanted my daughter to be able to choose when she wanted to wean, not have my body decide for me.

I’m now 5 days not breast feeding, struggling enormously emotionally, but also trying to give myself credit for sticking at it for this long.

I am missing our feeding time, the way she stares in my eyes and stokes my chest, neck and face.

We have a whole new world of discovery to undertake now.

Posted by melissamckanna, 31st August 2013

13 Comments

- - mom81879 said
  - 28 Aug 2016
    8:09 pm
You did amazingly well to breast feed for so long. It’s a shame your daughter didn’t get to self wean, but you gave her the best start you could. Well done

- - mum888 said
  - 30 Jan 2016
    12:01 pm
12 months is a long time and its great you were able to do that. There are many ways to bond in different ways such as talking/reading to her , playing , singing, etc. Hope you find that soon .

- - pakeko said
  - 15 Oct 2015
    11:28 am
What a amazing job you done to get to 12 months, maybe try and find another way to get that special time you are missing

- - mom81879 said
  - 19 Sep 2015
    11:47 am
That’s horrible, sounds so painful But you’re right, you should focus on the fact you successfully breastfed for such a long time. You’ve done a great job

- - mom71809 said
  - 24 Jul 2015
    10:00 pm
12 months is a decent amount of tkme – by this age they are getting most of their nutritional needs from food. You did well 12 months is longer than some!

- - Kell said
  - 10 Jun 2015
    11:12 am
you did such an amazing job … congratulations!

- - mom113055 said
  - 01 May 2015
    1:39 pm
stories are great

- - mom56842 said
  - 16 Sep 2014
    10:17 pm
We can only try and you did your best.

- - mom57522 said
  - 31 Aug 2014
    4:14 pm
I remember how sad I felt when I had to give up breast feeding.

- - tilly said
  - 07 May 2014
    7:00 pm
Sometimes things happen and it is out of our control, I only got to feed for 6 weeks when I had my second child and my gyno told me that that was enough as the baby has received all the good stuff they need. You cannot be upset about things you cannot control and that is how I looked at it. Glad you are feeling better about it.

- - BellaB said
  - 03 May 2014
    4:38 pm
I do hope that you feel better now some time has passed.

- - melissamckanna said
  - 08 Sep 2013
    9:22 am
Thank you for your reply. I am now enjoying having my body back to being mine. It’s amazing how a little time can give you perspective. My daughter is still upset that she can not feed, at least once a day she will lunge for my chest and then have a tantrum that she gets nothing, but it is a huge change for her, that was her drinking source her whole life, so I can understand why she is confused.
I am now proud that I got as far as I did, we had our tough moments, but the ease, joy and privilege of breast feeding is something I get to carry with me forever.
Now back to sterilising bottles, hahaha.

- - dayna_marshall said
  - 02 Sep 2013
    9:35 pm
Chin up hunny. Hey at least to tried. You are a great mum already i can hear ur love as u write. I hope one day u can live your dream but know if u cant ur a great mum.