Having diagnosed depression for 14yrs but probably suffering with it for a lot longer I like most people with this illness have contemplated suicide, thinking that everyone will be happier and better off without me. I just recently lost my father, not to suicide but more than likely to natural causes. I was not close with my dad and have very few happy memories of him, the last time I saw him he asked which of his children I was, I have 2 sisters and 5 brothers. So needless to say with all of these factors I never thought his death would hit me very hard, but it did I was unable to function at work when I told them I would need to take time off for his funeral, then I had to take the next day off to be able to get my thoughts together. Some may say it is so hard for me because of my depression, but regardless of the reason it hitting me so hard it has made me realise that commiting suicide may not have the effect I thought it would, which is making everyone happy. I think I have come to realise that no matter what you or anyone else make think of a relationship and no matter how badly you were treated or if you still talk when you lose a family member it is always hard for the ones left behind. I know the grief won’t be this bad forever and my life will go on but I defiantly do not want to make any of my loved ones feel the way I do at this point in time.
Posted anonymously, 7th July 2016