As a first time mum, i NEVER realised how challenging motherhood can really be. My daughter is now 15 weeks and she is (along with my husband) a blessing in my life. My husband and i were 25 when we got married in 2012 and all i wanted was to enjoy my marriage, travel do things we couldn’t do if we had a child.
Suddenly i began having intense stomach pain every now and again which was much worse than my period pain (and that was horrible). Naturally i was worried so i visited a gynecologist my sister had recommended, and had underwent several tests that finally led to a diagnosis, Endometriosis. This diagnosis changed my whole perspective on having children as i was told that it could affect my chances of becoming a mother.
My entire life i believed that i didn’t have a maternal bone in my body until i was told that i probably cannot bear a child. Saying i was distraught is an understatement. In that moment at the doctor’s office, i felt like the most important and magical thing i was born to do, i couldn’t even do. What added to my sadness was knowing that all my husband ever wanted to be was a Father and to think that i wouldn’t be able to make that happen was devastating. I felt like a disappointment. Having said that, these feelings were only brought on by myself, as my husband was so supportive and understanding, and he reassured me that whatever happens, if God didn’t want us to become parents than we had to trust in His judgement and He knows best.
The gynecologist did suggest surgery that could potentially fix the problem but nothing is certain. The one thing that i did have on my side was my age. He suggested trying in the meantime until i made my decision on whether i wanted to have the surgery. The surgery was very expensive and just the word surgery made me nervous. So we took the doctor’s advice and started trying. 3 months went by and no baby so the topic of surgery came up again.
After talking it through with my husband, we decided that money would not be an issue if it gave us a chance on having a precious child so i planned to call the Gynecologist’s office the next morning to arrange an appointment. That night (at midnight) i decided to get rid of the one pregnancy test i had left, but due to my curiosity, i couldn’t just throw it out. I decided to take the test. I waited and waited and thought to myself “here we go, another ‘Not Pregnant’ response”. Much to my surprise it said ‘2-3 weeks Pregnant’!!! i was shocked and didn’t know what to do. My husband didn’t know i was taking the test, so i ran into the bedroom and told him to feel my heart. He just looked at me thinking what is going on, and then i showed him the test. He didn’t even believe it, we both didn’t know what to do except hug and kiss each other and just cry out of happiness.
BUT, one test wasn’t enough to completely convince us, so we drove all over town trying to find a late night chemist, which we did. I bought 2 bottles of water and finished them on the way back home after buying 6 pregnancy tests. All 6 of the tests said i was pregnant! I just wanted to announce it to the world. I was so anxious that just my husband and i knowing wasn’t enough. So, at 2am, we knocked on my in-laws front door. They had a worried look on their face, but as soon as we announced the good news, there were more tears of joy.
The next morning, i called the doctor’s office to let them know the good news and they were thrilled. I went in for further tests to confirm and i was at work when i received the call with my results. I was 5 weeks pregnant! I was over the moon. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face for the rest of the day. Soon after the happiness turned into sickness. Yes the glorified morning sickness. I was spending more time in the ladies room then at my desk and as a result i stopped working. It was getting harder to get out of bed in the morning, i couldn’t eat or drink water without it coming back up. Needless to say, i lost 4kgs in my 1 trimester. The only thing that made it all worthwhile was the first ultrasound. Seeing that there really was a life inside of me was the most amazing feeling.
Then came the second trimester, and after all the stories i had heard of your energy levels coming back, i was patiently waiting and waiting for it to happen to me. The sickness had stopped which i was excited about and my energy slowly returned. I started a new temporary job to keep me from boredom and that kept me busy until a month before i was due to give birth.
Then i found myself pregnant in the third trimester that felt like it would never end, i was overdue, lying down on the bed for a check up at the hospital clinic, depressed about the 14 kgs i had put on and hoping they would just disappear when the baby came out. I was booked in to be induced and after 2 days of contractions, on the morning of my induction my water broke.
Went straight to the hospital, and they set me up in my room, hooked everything on me, i was breathing through my contractions and after feeling ‘the beginning’ contractions i asked for epidural. 4 hours of being induced and my baby’s heart rate kept dropping drastically in each contraction. The doctor’s said they didn’t want to risk anything happening to my baby so they decided on an emergency caesarean. I was beyond emotional, couldn’t stop crying while they wheeled me in to the theatre room.
It wasn’t long until i heard my baby crying, she was out and healthy. She was held next to my head and i held her hand not knowing what the emotions were that i was feeling. I was in shock. This was my baby, and my life was about to change forever. My husband and baby were taken up to the maternity ward and i was wheeled in to the recovery room for an hour. In there, i experienced really bad shakes over my whole body. I couldn’t control it, apparently it was normal when the epidural is leaving the body.
Finally, i was taken up to my room where i was able to hold my daughter in my arms for the first time. The feeling was indescribable. Adjusting to motherhood in the hospital was so overwhelming. I asked to go home on the third day the doctor’s approved. I just wanted to be home with my husband. I was so emotional the next 2 weeks. The baby blues really hit hard. I found it difficult to breastfeed, it was so painful at first, i found it difficult with the lack of sleep i was getting, not to mention the stinging pain from my caesarean. I was trying to cope with so much all at once, and it was hard. The only thing that helped me through it was the support of my family and my husband.
Now, almost 4 months on, i’m still breastfeeding, i find myself cheering on burps and poo’s, my daughter is growing and healthy, and her smile has allowed me to forget all the pain. She has given a new meaning to my life. I have also gained so much respect for all the single mothers out there, that get through it with little or no support. Yes motherhood is the most challenging job i’ve ever had, but it’s the most rewarding, and i wouldn’t want my life any other way.
Posted by mamaandbabysydney, 4th April 2014