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When I was 24 I went to a psychic. Some people believe in what psychics have to say and some do not. I was indifferent. She told me lots of things about my future. One was that I would not stay with my then boyfriend who I thought I was going to marry. (We broke up a few months later). The other interesting thing she said was that I would have three children. I knew I would have kids but three? That seemed like a lot to me.

Life went on and one day I was invited to go with an artist I worked with to see another psychic. I was 29 at the time. She was very well known and many celebrities have used her so I figured why not! She told me I would marry in a few years and have three children. REALLY? AGAIN? Ok. It still seemed like a lot to me but if that is what they are saying…

A few years later I did meet my husband. Early on he asked me how many kids I wanted. I said I want one and see what happens. I really knew I was supposed to have three but in my mind I was getting older and did not know if I wanted to be pregnant more than one time.

I got pregnant fairly easily with my son in 2007. The excitement of becoming a mother quickly faded early in my first trimester. I was one of the unfortunate women who suffered from severe prepartum and postpartum depression. Through intense therapy and heavy medication I became stable. But stable was not good enough to feel good about having more children.

I remember holding my son when he was three weeks old. The insane love I had for this child was more than I had ever known. I also remember the pain I felt emotionally and physically. It was so hard to get through each day. The intrusive thoughts that were yelling at me “remember this moment if you ever decide to have another child).

What postpartum did to me was scare me enough to know that I was not healthy enough to have more children. My body, my mind, my marriage, and most of all my sons happiness were more important. I know many women who suffer from PPD go on to have more children. I wish I could have been one of them. After all I was supposed to have three.

It has been almost six years since I gave birth. I still struggle with depression and OCD. It just hasn’t gone away. I work hard every minute of the day to be a great mother and role model for my son. I still have a lot of work to do on myself.

Interesting enough I recently went to yet another psychic. Guess what she told me? That’s right…three kids.

This is what I have learned. I was supposed to have more children. I would have loved them unconditionally and would have given all of me to be a great and very present mother. But I also know the big risk that I would be taking if I did have them. My son so desperately wants a brother or sister. He would be a great older brother. I want to give him that more than you can imagine. I know only one thing that he wants more than a sibling. He doesn’t know it yet but he wants a happy and healthy mommy. I hope one day he will understand that although I want to make all his dreams come true, I want to be around to see all of them happen.

So I think it is time to say goodbye. I am going to say goodbye to the idea of a bigger family. I am going to say goodbye to the feeling that I did not achieve everything in life that I was supposed to. Most importantly I am going to say goodbye to the two children that I never had. I will always love them and I will miss them but this is what is best for me and my little family.


Posted by Lindsay Lipton Gerszt, 27th March 2014


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  • I hope you are still satisfied with your choices.

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  • nice exellent

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  • i like reading these stories it s fun

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  • These are hard decisions to make and takes a lot of physical & emotional strength to go one way or the other.

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  • Lovely story, thank you for sharing with us.

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  • Everything in life happens for a reason although we might not know why straight away one day it will all be clear.

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  • You know what is best for you and your family, its always a hard thing to come to fact you wont have two more.

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  • Thank you again for all your comments. They mean so much to me…truly. Writing is very healing for me. Writing this blog post helped me realize what is right for me. I also know that what is right for me may change over time. Right now this is it. I feel comfortable saying goodbye and appreciating every second I have with my beautiful son. Every hug, every smile, every cry, every second!

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  • It has to be hard to come to a decision not to have the family you wanted. But you know what is best for you and your family. Your a family already and that is all that matters.

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  • thanks for sharing your story…strong woman that has touched many…

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  • Sounds like you have a beautiful family. If What you have makes you happy then your life is complete. Mind over matter and always look for the positive in things in every situation. :-)

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  • Amazing courage and strength has gotten you through and will for the future xxx very brave young lady

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  • You can only do what’s best for you and your family that are here now, you never know down the track you may feel differently and change your mind, life takes us on many adventures, we are always being tested and learn many lessons, I never thought I’d be married with 3 kids, 2 step kids so 5 all up and 2 grandkids at 37 but yes I am a mum a nan, I get stressed and down but I take each day as a gift, enjoy everyday with your family and just look forward to a great future no matter what it holds, good luck and stay strong don’t let what they say affect you, I believe in tarot readers get mine done all the time, but take on the if it comes true well great, if it doesn’t don’t dwell on it.

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  • I hope you have a great life with your family and you have made that decision to move on by saying goodbye to the children the psychic saw in your future. That’s a great way of doing it. You will be stronger every day not having to look back just look forward to the rewards your son and husband fill your day with. Take time out to pamper yourself and enjoy life.

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  • I have see a physic too and was told lots of things that have come true and some that didn’t, but one thing my physic told me is when can continually change our destiny and future.
    Who’s to say that you had to give BIRTH to 3 babies?. Who’s to say you can’t adopt,foster or just look out for two more children in life.
    Your life can change only when you make the changes.

    Reply

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