When I fell pregnant it was a shock, we hadn’t planned to have a child and children weren’t in my life plan. I just didn’t have that maternal instinct that so many other women seemed to have. I knew from the start that I was going to struggle because I have a mental illness. I had to cease all of my medication cold turkey and was medication free for the entire pregnancy. As unstable as I felt, I knew that I could never forgive myself if something happened to my baby because of the medications that I took. When I gave birth the connection was instant and then it wasn’t. Everyone went home and I was left with a tiny being that depended on me for everything. I couldn’t cope and I hated that I couldn’t stand to look at this tiny person who depended on me. I wanted to give up, knew that I couldn’t. I cried all day, unable to bring myself to do even the basic of things. The doctors that I saw didn’t see the signs, I knew them all too well. I was in a slump and I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I wish that I could say that things have improved..I really do.
Posted by tegan.c, 7th August 2013