It’s been 2 years since I lost my beautiful mum to pancreatic cancer.

God decided to open his gates and take my mum suddenly from me and my family and it was very hard for me to let her go I was very close to my mum she was everything to me and life today is very hard without her, I’m still crying everyday and feel depress well let’s just say I’m not the girl I use to be.

I’m also a mother to 4 kids and my oldest daughter who is 14yrs old tells me everyday that she is worried about me, I don’t go out anymore and just stay home crying and talking to my mum and hoping someday I can get better.

I live in Qld and my mums resting place is in Sydney and it’s tearing me apart being so far away from her and visiting her and I just want my mum back but I know it’s never going to happen, has anybody else going through what I’m going through at the moment and will my pain ever go away.

Posted by dearest mom, 21st April 2014

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  • I understand your grief dear lady. I lost my mother 5 1/2 years ago and I still grieve for her. I have days when things remind me of her, like a song she loved or a picture of her, a smell, something someone said, when I look into the mirror and I suddenly see her in me, many things that remind me of her and I will break down. I miss her so much and her face is in my mind always. I never got to say goodbye to her as I lived 4 hours away from her and she was asking for me but no real effort was made to contact me. It haunts me to this day as I was not told she was sick in hospital 5 days before she died, and only found out about her death at 2pm the day before her funeral. The next day at the funeral when the hearse pulled up and I saw her coffin in the back of the hearse I broke down and wept uncontrollably and during the ceremony I knelt by her coffin and hugged it and said goodbye as that was my only chance to let her know that I cared. My father said I made a spectacle of myself and he was embarrassed and that hurt me deeply, to the point that when he died 5 months ago he told my sister I was not allowed to come to his funeral as he did not want me to make a spectacle of myself at his funeral.
    The pain and hurt will lesson but remember it has only been two years for you and her parting is still raw in your heart and mind. If you keep remembering her she will never die. It’s okay to cry but be kind to yourself and your daughter is wonderful to be concerned about you, remember you are her mother and she cares for and about you also, and certainly doesn’t want to see you depressed and upset all the time, and you have the rest of your family also for support, don’t shut them out.
    I always remember my mother by lighting a candle for her and putting it next to her picture on Mother’s day and her birthday and those times when I just want to light a candle for her to remember her life. Our mums are special to us and you only have one mum, no one will ever be able to replace her. Our mums are the reason we are here and we carry their lives in us and pass it on to our children.
    Don’t let anyone tell you when you should stop grieving, nevertheless as I said it does get a little easier and just remember your mum is at rest now from all of her pain and sickness and I believe she would want you to be happy and remembering her would make her feel glad and she knows that you care and genuinely miss her.
    Take good care of yourself dear lady, grieving can be a different time process for every individual, we are not the same in that respect. Grief can hit some people further down the track of losing their loved one. Find a good friend or a good confident you can share with and have a coffee with, you need support from genuine people. Take baby steps and soon you will find that you will want to do the things that you liked doing before or maybe you will take on something new. Remember your experience will equip you to help someone else in time to come, you never know how or when that will take place.
    May the LORD bless you and keep you. May He cause his face to shine upon you and bring you peace. Love and blessings to you and your family. Remember your mum hasn’t left you she is waiting for you on another level and closer than you think, and someday you will see her again. God bless.


  • Such a sad story. I cant bear the idea of losing my mum. This just reminds me to treasure the time i still have


  • Such a sad story that i can sympathise with, i lost my mum 4 years ago now & there are still days where it feels sooo hard to go on without her here. Some people say it gets easier with time but i have to say for me it still hasnt gotten any easier i have just learnt to deal with it a little better.


  • Yes darling you are not alone, and yes you will get over this and move forward again, I guarantee you this, as I have been through it too. I have not only lost my mother, but my father, brothers and sisters and my beautiful husband of 25 years together . When I lost my mother and father it broke my heart, I am the youngest of 8 children they had, I felt cheated that I didn’t get as as much time with them as my other siblings what with them being older than me they had mum and dad for a lot longer than I did. I knew and accepted that they were both old, and had had a good life, ( not always but hopefully most of it) they were in their 50th year of marriage when mum passed away with heart problems, and dad passed away 2 years later. I wasn’t as sad about my dad passing as I was about loosing mum, because my dad was so affected by loosing mum, that he was just getting through day to day in a blurr and I knew that he missed her every Minuit of the day, so when he passed away I accepted it better only because I knew that he was happier going back to mum in the afterlife.
    Loosing my siblings hurt me too, but when I lost my husband in a car accident, well my heart wasn’t broken……. It was ripped out of my chest stomped on and thrown away. That was exactly how I felt.
    I not only lost my husband, but my best friend, lover, companion, father to my child,and the love of my life. We were married for 25 years and did everything together, we were like two peas in a pod joined at the hips, and everywhere else we could have been joined I loved that man so much he was the reason I woke up every morning, cause I knew that we would be together all day until we went to bed to sleep at night, we had a magical life together, each looking out of the other the best we could. Now to make his passing worse, we had a car accident way out in the country, we hit a kangaroo, and were out in the middle of nowhere, on our way home. I was knocked unconscious for how long I don’t know, but when I did wake up we were upside down in the car, pitch black with no lights, and I crawled out through the boot of the car to get out to help my husband. Where we were along the road, there was no mobile coverage and so mobile phones didn’t work until you reached the town you lived in. But I found the mobile and rang a friend to come out to help me get my husband out of the car, thinking that he too was knocked out, and to call an ambulance for us. Now the 6 million dollar question was how did I manage to make that phone call for help????! All the police, ambulance paramedics, and friends who came out to assist me had no mobile coverage at all and it was the talk of everyone how I managed to make that call for help???? Even after they all arrived they tried to use my mobile to call out for more assistance, only for it to not work again after my call. That question to this day cannot ever be answered.
    I was badly hurt in that accident and am now disabled because of it, but I lost my hubby, and felt so guilty because I was driving the car and blamed myself for his death. I wasn’t at fault, but no matter what everybody said to me, I still blamed myself for his death.
    It took me 10 years of grief before I could move forward with my life, I had depression so bad that I didn’t want to live without him. I cried non stop for a year then every time I spoke about him or if someone else said his name I was in a bad way.
    Everyone who knew us, all said that they were sad that he had passed away, but were so worried about me because they all knew that I would have to learn to live without him in my life, and they knew how bad that would affect me, because we were always together all the time. We had one child, a daughter who was pregnant with her first baby after them trying for three years to get pregnant, so we were both looking so forward to becoming grandparents, but he died before the baby was born, so he didn’t even know that we had a new grandson to add to our family.
    All these factors only compounded my depression, and is just could not find a reason to get on with life without him beside me, I was 17 when we got married, and 16 when we got engaged everyone thought we were too young and shouldn’t get married, but we proved them all wrong when we were still in love after 25 years of marriage . I loved him with every fiber in my body, we were inseparable the two of us, so now you can understand the depth of my grief I had over loosing him. When people asked me how I was my reply was that I felt like half of me was missing and I couldn’t live without him.

    My family paid for me to go and see this clairvoyant, I didn’t want to go, but because they told me that they couldn’t get their money back if I didn’t go, I went to see this woman. Now I went to see this woman with the intensional plan of telling her nothing about myself or my husband, I didn’t have too, she told me things about our life together that she couldn’t have known, she told me things that I knew that nobody but us talked about etc and I was convinced that she really was a great clairvoyant and I burst into tears and sobbed and sobbed she told me that she was talking to my hubby right there and then, she knew that I didn’t believe her, so she asked me to ask her a question that only him and I knew about and that she would ask Jim to answer it. Well I did and after she spoke to him and gave me not only the answer, but exactly the way he would have said it, I was convinced she was actually in contact with him and not only him but my mother too.she told me that he was so busting to talk to me through her, but loved my mother so much too and waited for her to come through first before he had his turn, and that was so true he loved my mother so much that would have been exactly how he would have reacted. Well he finally got his turn and we talked about a lot of things, one being me blaming myself for the accident and he told me that it was his time to go so it wouldn’t have mattered who was driving that the accident was going to happen regardless and not to blame myself anymore and to let it go and move on with my life. I told him that I didn’t want to be here without him, and wanted to die myself so we could be together again. He told me that I still had things here to do, and that my time is not now or for a very long time so get up and get on with my life until it is my time…. He then told me that he is with me everyday every hour and watches me live my life, and he wasn’t happy because I wasn’t even trying to live my life without him beside me. He then told me that when it was my time to pass over that his face would be the first one I would see, and that he would be there to guide me over to the other side.

    Now you might say that this is a load of BS and think that I am crazy, but I can assure you that I am quite sane and telling you the truth. You could not have asked for a more bigger sceptic than me when it comes to seeing a clairvoyant but now I am a believer after all that passed between us and what was said to me not only from my husband but also from my mother. She told me that she had made me stronger than this, that she was so proud of my life and that even now that I don’t have Jim beside me that I can move on without him, because like her, he is still with me everyday just because I can’t see them just to know that they are here with me and see what is happening to me and they don’t like to see me crying all the time, and giving up on life, that if have to move on and get on with it.
    So darling I do sincerely know what you are going through, and feeling, but your mum can also see you too, and I’m sure she doesn’t want to see you so upset all the time either, so you have to do what I did darling, and that is to pull your socks up, stop crying, and get on with living, cause just because you can’t see her doesn’t mean that she is not with you everyday watching what you are doing. Now if I remember, you have young children, and you need to move on and look after them all, make them proud of you, and take strength from your attitude to life without your mum, you are a mum, think about what you are showing your own children???? Don’t for one Minuet forget your mum, but remember her with love the way you did when she was alive and healthy, not when she was sick and not herself, but when you were both in happier times, and know that she can see you, so make her proud of you. Move forward and look after your beautiful children, and I hope you live a long life, and that when it’s your time same as mine, that we will both be old and have lived our lives to the full well as best as we can lol, and when it is our time, that our own children will be able to say that we had a good long life and we all have to go one day but love you and remember you with love and pride of how you looked after them.
    I hope my story gives you some hope, inspiration and the courage to move forward with your life with your partner if you have one and your children who love you.
    All the best, don’t spend anymore wasted time, ( I lost 10 years remember) and I can move forward knowing that he is still with me everyday of my life, and so is my mum and dad, and everyone else who has passed on before me too.

    Hope this helps you darling, and I do wish you all the strength in the world to get back your courage to move on with your life.

    Love Josie Dunning xox


  • So many people have gone through this, it is normal to feel so sad about your mum, I am in my 50’s and lost my mum seven years ago and I still miss her, I was living in Qld with her when she pased away and I went out to the cemetry every day at first, I now live in Nsw and miss being able to go and visit, she is buried with my brother who we lost 22 years ago whe he was 30 and I still miss him, we now have just put dad with them , now they are all together, it does get easier, there are days that go by you will forget and get on with life, every now and then it will just hit you all over again. Our lives are full of love, life, death, happiness, grief, but it goes on. I like to think of everyone together again in heaven having a big party and being happy that they are with each other , and yes we miss them so much , but they are always around you. Just look and listen you will see and hear things that remind them of you, and know they are with you. They really never truly leave us. Look at your children they are in them, and you . Be happy you had that person in your life.


  • I’m so sorry for your loss – must be hard. Is there maybe a way you could make a memorial maybe in your backyard or similar that you could bless and remind you of her?


  • So sorry for your loss. Time heals all wounds.


  • So sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine the pain you must feel


  • Don’t think the pain of ur loss will go away as such but slowly day by day u will adjust .Maybe set up a memorial spot in garden with plants that reminds you of ur Mum ,then you can sit & remember the good times .


  • Hi I to lost my dad about 2yrs ago. I am distant from the family and was not made aware that he was dying of cancer so I never got to say goodbye. He was my idol growing up. I will never forgive my so called family for it. I miss him so much some time it hurts. If I could have only said goodbye.


  • Hi,
    I’m sorry to hear of your loss.
    Everyone says that time heals everything, and I guess with most things that is the case. Though not everything can be judged or happen to the same level as ‘everyone’ suggests.

    I lost my mother 5 years ago now to ovarian cancer. It came on rapidly and extremely aggressively. It was only a couple of months from my mothers diagnosis to her leaving us. One of the hardest things I’ve been through was to be there with her till her last breath. But in saying that I was able to say everything I wanted, but more than that probably everything I needed to say to her. So unlike most I got some closure that way.
    I’m not about to sit here and tell you it’s all going to get better, but for your sake and your families I hope some of your grief and depression can pass onto to the next stage of mourning.
    I still have days where I burst out crying over it, when I feel no one would understand me aside from my mum…though my husband has helped me focus more on all the good times that I did get to spend with my mum.
    I don’t feel that I need to go to mum’s graveside to be near her, as I think she’ll be with me where ever I go or when ever I need her.

    I hope that with time, the support of your family and friends that the pain can be replaced with positive memories of your times together. There are I think grief counsellors available to more people these days so maybe a professional view could also help for some steps.

    Take care.


  • The loss of a parent is something you never get over. My father was killed nearly 26 years ago when I was 16 years old. Instantly my whole world changed. I still cry for him regularly, I look at my children and see him in them. I hate I never got to have the adult relationship with him. I am blessed with a fantastic step father who has been amazing in every way for me and my kids he is their Poppa. But I never have gotten over losing my dad. xxx




  • I lost my Dadda 2 years ago almost to the day that I had my first bub. A beautiful amazing boy.
    I also got married 5 months earlier.
    Losing my dad was the hardest thing- it was so sudden, at only 59- he was the apple of my eye. So getting married was super tough as I had planned over the years all these awesome things that I knew dad loved- so suffice it to say my wedding was totally different as it just wouldn’t have been the same without his joy and woohoo say those things.
    Thankfully what a blessing it was that my son was due the day he passed, 2 years on. He was born the following day BUT that day is still forever changed as now I remember a different pain- the pain of a 36 hour labour!


  • I lost my mum nearly 2 years ago now also, it is something we never seem to grasp


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