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Article What to do if you’ve had a distressing birth

By Lindsey Crockett
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40 Comments

It’s just as important to educate yourself in perinatal mental health issues, as it is to educate yourself about maternal complications like preeclampsia or gestational diabetes.

Hopefully they will not be applicable to you, but if they are, you will have a basic understanding about them and know where to seek additional support. The good news is that birth trauma is not very common. Two thirds of women experience joyful, wonderful and fulfilling births, as they should.

However, it is also important that we do acknowledge those women amongst us who do not, so we do not alienate or dismiss their experiences.

Birth trauma can range from disappointing, distressing and traumatic experience during the birth of your baby. And can also be experienced by fathers, partners and other support people who attend the birth.

There are no set events that have to occur for a woman to feel traumatised, simply, if you feel traumatised – then you were.

For a very small amount of women, they have an experience that can be so distressing they will meet the criteria for PTSD. Research suggests that this is between 3 – 6% of women and although that number is low, those women really do need to be acknowledged and supported in their recovery.

So how will I know if I have birth trauma?

There is no specific formula or checklist, so if you feel that your birth has left you feeling disappointed, distressed or traumatised then you may have birth trauma. This can be caused by a range of feelings such as feeling unsupported during birth, coerced into interventions, fearful for your life or your baby’s life, experiencing horror, or helplessness.

All women are different and all birth trauma is unique.

So how will I know if I have PTSD?

PTSD has a range of symptoms split into these categories: re-experiencing, hypervigilance, avoidance and cognitive changes.

What could this look like after birth?

  • Re-living the traumatic event – The mother relives the birth through unwanted and recurring memories, often in the form of vivid images and nightmares. There may be intense emotional or physical reactions, such as sweating, heart palpitations or panic when reminded of the event.
  • Being overly alert or wound up – The mother experiences sleeping difficulties outside or expected sleep issues with a new baby, irritability and lack of concentration, becoming easily startled and constantly on the lookout for signs of danger for herself or the baby.
  • Avoiding reminders of the event – The mother deliberately avoids activities, places like the hospital, pregnant women, birth media, thoughts or feelings associated with the birth because they bring back painful memories.
  • Feeling emotionally numb – The mother loses interest in day-to-day activities, feels cut off and detached from friends and family, or feels emotionally flat and numb. She can also experience delayed bonding with her baby, which can be very distressing. This bonded relationship can be achieved with support and allowing time. It is very important mothers understand that this is not a representation of her as a mother or a woman. Many women experience this and this does not make her a bad mother. It is a symptom of an illness that can be recovered from.

How do I get help?

A trained mental health professional that specialises in trauma would be the best place to start if you think you may have PTSD.

This could be a mental health nurse, a Mental Health social worker, a psychologist or psychiatrist. Ask if they have experience dealing with trauma and also perinatal mental health.

If you feel distressed or disappointed about your birth, a mental health professional would also be helpful, but some experienced midwives may help you gain a better understating of what happened during your birth that could be helpful if you have some unanswered questions.

If you think this may be too distressing to start with, seek the support of a mental health professional who can help with developing self soothing and stress reduction techniques first before you expose yourself to potentially retraumatising material.

Lastly, some important messages:

  • Seek help. You do not have to go through this alone. What you are experiencing is valid and real.
  • A healthy baby is not all that matters in this situation.
  • You can be grateful for the health of your baby as well as feel distressed about their birth. These are two separate things and one is not cancelled out by the other.
  • You’re a good mother, doing your best.

Have you or someone close to you experienced birth trauma? Please share your experiences in the comments below.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.com
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Comments

  • It’s so important to reach out if you’re suffering. We had great midwives who kept touching base with me during home visits. My birthing experience wasn’t what I wanted. While I wouldn’t say I was traumatized, I would say it’s made me a little nervous about future pregnancies. But I felt so supported by my birthing team and the aftercare.

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  • Great article – thanks for posting it.

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  • I had a traumatic birth with my first child (at 32-weeks) and was never comfortable with what happened. But it wasn’t until 3-years later when I was pregnant with my second baby that I realised how badly I was suffering. I sought out a perinatal specialist and was diagnosed with PTSD. Having counselling before the birth of my second baby really helped me come to terms with my PTSD and massive anxiety. My second baby is now 1-month old and I feel like a new person! Perinatal counselling was the best thing for me and I’ll be forever greatful to my counsellor and my friends for their support during my darkest days.

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  • Both of my births were horrific, helped in no way my the nursing staff, thankfully there was one at each birth that was able to get us thru, midwives think they’ve seen it all and that your some sort of idiot,

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  • Thanks for posting. As a mum, postnatal care is generally directed towards the baby and you feel selfish worrying about yourself. I had to have an emergency c-section after previously having 3 vaginal births – I’ve never been so frightened. 2 months on and I realized I needed some help to deal with my experience before it escalated into PND. Not fun.

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  • I’ve had a friend who had a traumatic birth and aftercare. It was an experience to watch her amazing partner step up and be a supportive husband and father. And I just did baby focus and let her talk if she felt like it.

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  • I really appreciate reading this. After having an emergency caesar (losing a lot of blood) and not waking up for almost 12 hours afterwards I have always felt so guilty for missing out on these hours with bubs.

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  • Good article for all women to read.

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  • it looks sad

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  • what to do

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  • My first birth was very traumatic lost a lot of blood via emergency Caesar and had to have four blood transfusions don’t even remember seeing my baby as I was so groggy and vomiting.

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  • While I thought it was distressing at the time, it DOES hurt, my births were relatively easy and straight down the line. First was an undiagnosed breech birth, and I guess we were lucky he got out ok. We kinda laugh at it now. When the Dr broke my waters (I was induced) he said he could lots of hair. Bub came out with scratches on his bum :/ That’s how misdiagnosed it was, he was on his way and they still didn’t know he was breech

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  • Yes thank you for your article! Very interesting!

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  • Thank you for sharing this article

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  • I have only just seen this today.
    Thanks so much for pretty much summing up what i felt when i had my second child almost 3 years ago.

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  • good article to read.

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  • def’ seek help! these feelings can be so underestimated

    • yes giving birth is not easy but i felt really happy that i was able to do it

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  • Lindsey, thankyou for your article. I think it has been a silent subject for too long. My first delivery was probably the safest, a C-section, and yet the one I resented the most. I had three natural deliveries later, and the most rewarding turned out to be the most dangerous, baby born in the car an hour from hospital. I still ache from the loss of another pregnancy, but I am thankful for my family and for the support I found from friends, family and midwives along the way.

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  • It is so nice to know that birth trauma is a recognised condition!! I thought it was just me! I relive the agony of giving birth to my daughter regularly, even though she will be 8 in a few months time!

    • I’m glad this article has helped you put a name to what you’re experiencing!
      If you ever have any questions about getting some support in your area, or wanting to learn more, Feel free to join 1600 other mums on our facebook page – Birth trauma Australia – held.

      Birth trauma is awful but it can be over come once you know what your dealing with and what type of help you may need. xxxx Lindsey

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  • Good article, I would also add: it’s OK if you don’t want to talk about it, give yourself time; or if you think you don’t get along well with a particular health professional, look for another.

    • Thats one of the most important points! If you don’t feel safe or if you don’t share a rapport with the person, don’t go back and find someone you do!

      • And i forgot to add in this comment, a a trauma therapist, i have worked with many many mothers to overcome their traumatic birth and have never known their story. Trauma therapy doesn’t have to be focusing on the actual event, a good trauma therapist will be able to to tackle it without discussing the birth, if that’s what the mother wishes. Some mums really do want to tell their stories, some don’t. Its entirely up to the mother! They’re the boss!

    Reply
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