Why A Sleep Divorce Could Be The Secret To A Happy Marriage

Choosing to sleep in a different bed to your partner could improve intimacy and make your relationship stronger. Would you consider a sleep divorce?

Sharing a bed with your partner isn’t always beneficial when it comes to getting a decent night of sleep. By the time you factor in snoring, shift work and temperature difference, not to mention constant tossing and turning, it’s a miracle that any couple is able to get any shut-eye at all. Experts say that the number of couples opting for a ‘sleep divorce’ is on the rise and it could be making their relationships stronger than ever…

Personal Space

Jennifer Adams, who wrote the hugely successful book Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, says that marriage can often be happier when couples give each other personal space. “Show me the stats of divorced couples who shared a bed every night,” she told The Daily Mail.

“Sleeping in separate rooms does not mean the end of a relationship, it’s just a way of maintaining a relationship.” Jennifer said that couples are becoming more honest about the need to prioritise quality sleep over sharing a bed. “Talking about it openly becomes more socially acceptable,” she said. “You would be surprised how many happily married couples are already doing this!”

Sleep To Survive

Dr Nikki Goldstein, a sexologist and relationship expert, said that couples sleeping in separate beds is more common than many might think. “Look at the facts. Sleeping has nothing to do with intimacy but we all need it to survive.”

“What I don’t encourage couples doing is permanently sleeping separately. Maybe once or twice a week so you can get a full night’s sleep and you’re not waking up grumpy and resentful.”

We think many couples, particularly mums and dads, value quality night’s sleep. If it means opting for a sleep divorce a couple of times a week to get it, we think it’s well worth it for your health and your relationship.

Have you and your partner opted for a ‘sleep divorce’? Share your story in the comments.

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76 Comments

- - meedee said
  - 06 Sep 2023
    10:18 am
Nope but I would have liked to when ever i was sick as I tend to moan in my sleep and my husband would always wake me which was super annoying as i was sick and it would have taken me ages to get to sleep.

- - Frankiielot said
  - 07 Jun 2021
    9:53 pm
Hubby is a shift worker so good sleeping time is all over the place. I’ve been lucky that I’ve had two kids and COVID to cover me having sleepless nights and going to bed at all hours but when I have to go back into the office after maternity leave it will definitely be hard.
I don’t think a sleep divorce will work for us as we like being close and it’s probably the only time we spend together lol

- - mom101628 said
  - 31 May 2020
    10:20 pm
Neither of us can sleep properly if we are apart, so no sleep divorce for us.

- - mom73672 said
  - 27 May 2020
    11:17 am
My husband snoring was able to be heard by the neighbours…… it was soooo bad. He was known for it and I suffered for years as a result.
I would have to go to bed before him if I had any chance of falling asleep ????
The cure finally came after he was told by his doctor to loose a few pounds as he had fatty build up around his organs.
He immediately made an effort to stop drinking alcohol and commence an exercise regime. After loosing the first 10kg, the snoring just stopped…. I couldn’t believe it…… finally a good nights sleep and a much healthier partner!

- - BellaB said
  - 19 May 2020
    7:00 pm
It’s very tempting sometimes, but it feels like you’d lose something intimate.

- - Ellen said
  - 04 May 2020
    8:53 am
I go early to bed and my husband late, some space but also together works for us.

- - DaffyD said
  - 30 Apr 2020
    5:59 pm
Sounds wonderful as I’m a very light sleeper

- - tessie said
  - 22 Apr 2020
    5:02 pm
We never had to do this but many a night I’d be out on my computer or asleep on the recliner with the sound off watching cricket. This way my late husband got the sleep he needed and I didn’t have to lay there in the darkness trying not to move.

- - rovermum said
  - 22 Apr 2020
    12:03 pm
No. Whilst I understand this, it makes me a little uncomfortable. My hubby goes to bed early because he gets up very early and he snores/breathes heavy. But, the thought of him sleeping in another bed/room makes me sad.

- - shanika said
  - 22 Apr 2020
    8:14 am
I agree with this completely. Me and my husband sleeps separate beds since my 3 kids born.We have no issue with our relationship or intimacy.

- - mom321515 said
  - 21 Apr 2020
    4:39 pm
I sleep better when I’m in the bed with my hubby but at the moment we have a little one in our room to so the intimacy isn’t there

- - Kimeeja said
  - 21 Apr 2020
    9:27 am
My husband sometimes sleeps in our guest bed when he’s got really early starts or a sore shoulder from work and I must admit I do love those nights – I get a real solid sleep, but I miss him and am glad when he’s back in our bed. I definitely see merit in the sleep apart occasionally.

- - mom330666 said
  - 21 Apr 2020
    2:43 am
Never heard of it before

- - ella12 said
  - 20 Apr 2020
    9:52 pm
I hadn’t come across the term ‘sleep divorce’ before.

- - ~Loui~ said
  - 20 Apr 2020
    9:14 pm
MMm I’m not sure, I like being next to my husband

- - Belter1977 said
  - 20 Apr 2020
    9:03 pm
I’d do this occasionally to get a good nights sleep. With 4 kids, I’m in a permanent state of tired!

- - Gwen2620 said
  - 20 Apr 2020
    8:39 pm
We have slept in separate beds since I started menopause because I was so hot, I couldn’t stand the heat of the flannelette sheets. For 2 years, I even slept in the caravan because I was so hot and in Tasmania’s winter as well.

My husband says I snore. Also, he comes to bed really late and I like to go to bed early so separate beds suits us perfectly. Married nearly 40 years so I guess it works fine for us.

- - ThisIsMe said
  - 20 Apr 2020
    4:11 pm
No but because of this self isolation period and one of us coming into contact we decided just to be on the safe side to sleep in separate rooms for a few days. I hated it! I couldn’t go to sleep until quite late but hubby loved it as he didn’t have me disturbing him by fidgeting during the night like I tend to.

- - Jewl said
  - 20 Apr 2020
    3:21 pm
Yes I have but only since I am pregnant and I need all the sleep i can get as my husband is a snorer

- - mom321189 said
  - 20 Apr 2020
    1:45 pm
Yes, we do sleep divorce when I get grumpy for being awake at late night even if I am so tired because he is snoring loudly. It irritates him sometimes because I get our comfy king size bed and he will be on the couch/airbed unfortunately on those nights. But hey, we both get our much needed rest and wakes to a good morning indeed.