'I Don't Want To Quit My Job To Be A Stay At Home Dad'

A first-time dad has found himself in an epic argument with his pregnant wife, after she suggested that they both take time out of their careers to raise their baby.

The dad-to-be, 32, says his 26-year-old wife is expecting their first child in June. His wife is an orthodontist and he works in tech, with both making good money and equally contributing to the household expenses.

With the baby’s arrival a few months away, he says his wife has been debating whether she should take a two to three year career break to ‘focus on the baby’.

“She’s leaning more towards becoming a stay at home mum,” he explained on reddit. “I obviously would support whatever she decides, if she wants to be a SAHM for a while, that’s good and if she decides she wants to continue with her career, we have enough resources to hire a full time babysitter. We’ve had many discussions over it and it always ends up with her wanting to be a SAHM.

“Yesterday she told me that she came up with this idea. She’ll be the SAHM for the first two years and after that, I quit my job and become a stay at home dad for a while. I told her that if she wants to be a SAHM, that’s her choice and I would help her with the baby in every way possible, but I don’t think I’d like to quit my job.

“I suggested that we could just hire a full time baby sitter whenever she feels like she’s ready to go back to working.”

The conversation went down like a tonne of bricks, with a full-blown argument that’s even resulted in the wife’s parents becoming involved.

“My wife thought I was being mean and unreasonable and selfish, and putting my career over my family and stormed off. I did try apologising for arguing because I don’t wanna make her so upset during this phase of the pregnancy, but she’s refusing to even talk to me.

“She’s told about this to her parents and I’ve been getting texts from them saying that I’m not treating their daughter right. Am I the a**hole?”

Let us know what you think in the comments below.

34 Comments

- - TraceyGail said
  - 25 Feb 2023
    7:27 am
If she gets to have a choice then so does her and she should be keeping her parents out of it.

- - sars_angelchik said
  - 25 Feb 2023
    7:01 am
I can see where she’s coming from, but a person’s career is something that is really their decision. She’s choosing to have 2 years off, which is longer than most people would choose for maternity leave. I’m sure they could reach a compromise with the dad taking some time off but quitting his job for 2 years is a huge ask and if he’s in a good position he might not be able to get it back. Being an orthodontist, she may even be able to do part time work too. They definitely need to have an adult discussion without falling to arguing.

- - Bizma said
  - 25 Feb 2023
    6:52 am
The dad doesnt has to of he doesnt want to. He is a wonderful man to be supporting her decision whatever it might be and this shows he will be a great dad too, but tjat doesnt mean leavong his career at all. Mum to be is being pushy and judmental here.

- - Ellen said
  - 25 Feb 2023
    5:23 am
No I don’t think the dad is an a**hole. Whilst he gives his wife the freedom of choice and support to be a SAHM, she should do the same (freedom of choice and support him in that) and behave like an adult and not get her parents involved
- mom160270 replied
  
  26 Feb 2023 , 8:12 pm
  I agree wholeheartedly with your reply.
- - ~Loui~ said
  - 25 Feb 2023
    12:31 am
I think they should all just calm down a bit. The baby isn’t even born yet! Whilst it’s good to have conversations about this now, nothing needs to be set in stone.

- - mom486400 said
  - 24 Feb 2023
    8:54 pm
Firstly the parents shouldn’t be involved whatsoever.
Secondly mum or dad have a right to choose what they want to do after the baby is born no one should be forced.

- - shocolatmoose said
  - 24 Feb 2023
    8:39 pm
Its not unreasonable to not want to be a stay at home parent. I love my son, but could think of nothing worse. I need my work and colleagues. So be honest about what you want to do as a parent. Our local daycare is wonderful.

- - Frankiielot said
  - 24 Feb 2023
    8:37 pm
It’s his choice, why should she dictate that he be a stay at home dad?!

- - mom208217 said
  - 24 Feb 2023
    8:29 pm
If it was me no I would tell my partner/husband to go back to work after taking paternity leave for a few months if he can but I would go back to work after my maternity leave part time not quit to be a sahm.

- - mom57569 said
  - 24 Feb 2023
    8:07 pm
If your wife wants to be a stay at home mum she has every right to be. Also you have every right to be a working dad or a stay at home dad whatever you want. If your choice is to stay at work, your wife should respect that, just as you respect her choice to stay at home. It goes both ways. She shouldn’t tell you to give up your job to look after the baby. It has to be a mutual agreement. If you were forced to give up your job you might end up resenting your wife and your baby. You both need to talk about this without interference from the in laws. No you are not the A***hole in this scenario. Good Luck

- - mom489365 said
  - 24 Feb 2023
    7:16 pm
She shouldn’t expect him to be a stay home dad at the 2 year mark. It’s something that needs to be discussed and worked out. Even if they both do part time for work may help.

- - RonnieDe said
  - 24 Feb 2023
    11:45 am
Dear oh dear, how times have changed. This is something that both need to discuss, air, and make some sort of decision. I know I wouldn’t expect my husband to throw his job in and be a home parent for a few years., but everyone is different. No, he isn’t an a***ole, her parents need to back off, this is between the couple.