What consequences do I face if I decide to send a letter to my child’s bully- or even his parents? Are there any?

I am beyond tired of this aggression being dealt out to any and every child that crosses this bully’s path.

There is always two sides to every story though- so what did my son do to this boy to enrage him to a point where he felt he had no choice but to beat up my son? Well, yesterday my little one told on him for hitting a group of girls. As revenge for this, not only was my son dealt a beating today- but so was his sister!

This sort of behaviour reminds me of real life criminals. You know the type who hurt witnesses so that they don’t give evidence. And it makes me sick!

The worst part is that this child is taught that he can get away with his unacceptable behaviour which is why it has continued towards everyone over the years.

Why should we have to tolerate it though? Because of his age? Because this is just the way that he is? Or the line which the teachers have given me previously- he has trouble at home?

Honestly, growing up, I had trouble at home. I know what trouble looks like and it isn’t very pleasant. But you know what? If I had dared to harm another child at school because of my family problems, I would have been in a hell of a lot of trouble not only at school but when I got home as well.

There would have been repercussions for any undesirable behaviour and I would have had to take responsibility for my actions. There were no free passes when I was in primary school- so what’s changed 30 years later?

If we continue to tiptoe around the problem what chance do we have of fixing it? Do we just hope and pray that bullies don’t learn to feel entitled to be able to act viciously and not face any consequences of their actions?

What happens if their acts become more violent and they end up bringing weapons to school because after all they’re already getting away with violence.

My son learned not long ago that he’s not allowed to physically step in between a fight. He’s not allowed to push this boy off another child even if he’s fearing for that child’s life- because he will face the ramifications at school.

They have taught him to be a typical bystander. To watch the violence and simply alert a teacher who will hand out yet another piece of paper to the bully and notify their parents for the umpteenth time… a seemingly appropriate excuse will be provided to the victims of the bully and their parents- similarly again to real adult life criminal cases.

So what if I turned around and started telling my son to stand up for himself- and then if he did, when approached by the teachers I simply gave them a random sob story about personal issues at home?

What if I’ve had enough now and I just encourage my children to fight back if someone throws the first blow. To defend themselves. Where would that end though and how would teaching my children to fight violence with violence help any…

No, I want to address the bully’s caregivers. I want to acknowledge that although they may be facing difficulties at home, that most people are fighting battles that we know nothing about and that I am sick of their child putting his hands on my children as well as other people’s little ones! I want to remind them that if they were older this would be considered to be assault and battery. Most of all I want them to see the bruises on my daughter! I want them to understand that violence against women is real and that this is beyond outrageous at any age and that no one should be forced to take these beatings at school just because of anything that’s going on at home.

You don’t get to hurt someone because you are unhappy elsewhere in your life. And although this is basically what the school is supporting, and probably the ideals we are moving towards as a whole community even if we don’t realise it- it is not ok!

It wouldn’t be alright by me if my adult child was killed in a domestic situation when they are older- so why are we teaching them that it’s acceptable for them to be aggressive as children.

Parents, the violence has to stop. And it’s not up to the schools to guide them to be decent human beings- it’s on us, as their primary caregivers! PLEASE, take charge, stop making excuses, before it’s too late! And if it helps, just picture what it would be like having to visit your little one behind bars one day- because at the end of the day that’s their reality if we don’t put an end to the violence now.

If it really does ‘take a village to raise a child’ then perhaps a letter to the bully and his family is precisely what is needed… how else would they feel any empathy for my children’s bruises if they weren’t forced to look at photos of them, and the damage their son caused.


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  • When your child is bullied you can feel so helpless. It is difficult to know what to do. I think it is a good idea to write a letter to the bullies parents.


  • A letter is better than a verbal confrontation because your words can’t be twisted and you can’t be accused of something you didn’t. From personal experience though, it is often a pointless exercise except for getting it all off your chest. The only thing that had any success with my sons bullies was to tell the school that if it didn’t stop I was going to involve the police as the bulling behaviour was also taking place off school grounds.


  • it is so tough, I would just ignore it


  • I’m not going to tell you what you should do but I’ll tell you what I would do. I like a paper trail. it’s something that can come in handy in case further action needs to needs to be taken. I would send the same letter to the parents, the teacher or all the teachers if the child has more than one, the head of the school, the education department and the local police and I’d advise, in the letter or email all parties a list of who I’ve sent the exact same letter to. I’d want said parents, teachers, school etc to know I mean business and I have the incident recorded in a paper trail. I’d also take photos of any injuries and take my child to a doctor to also have a record there.


  • This isn’t a route I would take as the bully wouldn’t consider it a reason to stop. Confronting the kid and their parents at the school with a teacher is more effective in my opinion

    • Agree with you here. Going through the proper steps is a better route


  • I’m not sure a letter to them would help the situation.


  • Try to go through the department of education for further advice to get the s school more on board


  • Such a terrible situation! I don’t really think a letter would do any good – you really need to talk to the school and they hopefully will follow through ….


  • My daughter goes to a private school and they have strict no bullying policy and I am really relieved and satisfied with that.


  • OMG, this could have been me. My son is now 19, but had a history of being bullied and picked on at school with no consequences. He was always frustrated at the lack of action and the handling of the school was apalling with so many holes in it. Yet, I was told my son was an instigator in situations that were laughable. In the end, we took our son out of the school. So bad was their approach to bullying, and supportive of those that bullied my son, I’ve had to spend my life teaching my son about consequences, behaviour, and empathy of others, which he has in spades. He’s an amazing human being. And those bullies, well… they’re still bullies. And that school, well it has an apalling reputation and I no longer have a nice word to say about it.


  • Half the time the parents know what their child is like but ignore it but as soon as their child cops a hit they are the first to complain. Writing letters is a waste of time and if teachers know what is going on and do nothing then you’re not going to get any where. Best bet is to find another school but sometimes it is hard on your child to change schools, I sent my son to a private school and it was worth the money to have a happy child.


  • I agree with what most have said here on this subject. It is hard to deal with and the ramifications if your children stay at that school are awful to think of. I feel your best bet is to move children to a different school if at all possible, and if it isn’t possible, I would think hard and long about what you are considering. It will feel right to you, but your children could suffer even more in the long run.


  • My son had a bully in kindy. The boy would go out of his way to look for my boy and constantly tell everyone my son is bad and he doesn’t play nicely etc. all whilst his mum ignored it, even though we were both there! My boy isn’t innocent, he was getting way to overwhelmed by the outside stimulation (and possibly this boy hounding him) and he lashed out. Despite it happening from fear, my boy was still reprimanded, both at school and at home, plus he always had to apologise. I witnessed the bully grab my son round the neck unprovoked…. the EA and relief teacher both acted as if my boy was at fault. The bully was then sent on his merry little way to his mum (it was end of the day school pick up), no apology given to my son. The EA just looked at me and said “we have to keep them separated”, and I could hear the boy telling his mum how naughty my boy is. When I brought it up with the class teacher she spoke to the EAs who denied having any knowledge of the incident, or the one earlier that day where the same boy had grabbed my son round the neck and tried pulling him off the swing. My husband wanted to encourage our boy to hit him to protect himself. But as my son had been pegged as the bad kid by the teacher we decided against it. In the end we pulled our son out of that school, due to the teacher’s attitude also. I home school him now, he is getting the mental stimulation he needs and his needs are being met in a safe environment. Next year my son will go to a different school, where they will recognise his intellect and also understand the difficulties he can have when he feels threatened. I hope the original poster’s kids bully gets reprimanded properly and if the school won’t do anything I would be calling the police, wanting assault charges laid!

    • Sorry you guys went through this ! Home schooling and the choice of a different school next year sounds like a wise decision, I would have done the same.


  • It so hard. I don’t know how I would react to that, but I don’t think writing a letter is aggressive


  • Wouldn’t wanna be my kids especially in high school. If there big enough to throw a punch then there big enough to cope one straight back, bullys need to be put in there place.


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