Yesterday is one of the worst days of my life. I have not been sleeping and my Mum has been in hospital for a bit and than as 10 a:m I got the call I never wanted. We have to have a family meeting on Tuesday as my Mum is coming home to die. The doctors took it upon themselves to inform my Mother of this on her own and without family support around her. As my daughter lives with her and is her carer they then rang and informed my daughter and told her they told my Mother and she did take the news well did we want her to come home or they can keep her in and keep her comfortable until she dies. My daughter said no she will come home as this is what she wants and they said you need a hospital bed to which my daughter replied she has one and than it was she needs palative nursing once again my Daughter replies she is fully trained and certified as this is her job in a nursing home
Really! where is there tact or bedside manner and doing things best for the patient You have just told her Grand Daughter that her much loved Grand Mother is going to die with out tack and to continue….. Let the real words sink in and digest . and leave it there for now.
Now we have to meet and do as they will command to get my Mother home which is all she wants.
With in moments of being told my self than I had relatives to deal with coming out of the real world who only found out by accident through some one hat was informed at my Mother’s request and they went and told one than it when through the family faster than a packet of salts.
I was getting calls from every one as one went and seen my Mother got my phone numbers and all of a sudden they can leave home……OMG My Daughter is 30 very soon and I have been married 28 years none of them no what my kids look like never met my Husband and have had nothing to do with me since I was a child and now I have cousins, Uncles, Aunties coming out the wood work as they want to spend time with my Mum before she goes.
Let us digest the news first before bugging us but no that can’t be done. Now that she is dying and as has been suggest not long with us they all want to have her time……they are all local to my Mum and where have they been…where has her calls from them been, her invations to events or Christmas cards been.
This has continued all night and again toady….what about our time that is our Mother, Grand Mother. Great Grand Mothers. What about our time to deal with the news and let it digest I am not being nasty but really if she means so much to you all where on god’s green earth have you been all these years….no where near her that’s where.
I am beside my self for what I am looking at loosing and and my family. I am glad while I have been here filly my Mother’s request as to whom she wants to be contact and filly Mum’s requests that you can go up and spend time with MY MOTHER while we are running around trying to do as she requests and get things ready for this meeting and when I ring one of you that seen her last night when I had a moment after getting off the phone with the hospital if they could please tell me how Mum was when they saw her last night and I was interrupting your lunch at 2:00 p:m today. Glad you got to see my Mother and can eat… I don’t have that luxury and find my self all over the place and really can not be bothered with food.
I am sorry if this is all over the place but so is my mind and I need to release things before I burst.

Posted anonymously, 8th June 2014

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  • That sounds terrible. I can’t begin to imagine your pain. I have no words, I’m at a loss as to what say. Is there anything that can feel said? Shocking treatment of your loved ones


  • Wow this is massive for you, there is no words to express the path you are walking on. You really need to find the strength to look after yourself


  • My thoughts are with you and your family, if it were me i just wouldnt open the front door till i was ready for them to see her as you said they were never bothered with her while she wa fit and well but now shes not well they want to be involved hmm doesnt seem right to me.
    Maybe they feel really guilty good i hope they do.


  • Oh sweetheart, what a lot you have had to deal with. I wish so much that I could make it easier for you. I went through something like this when my beloved Nanna died a number of years ago. Certain family members suddenly wanted to visit her, and I felt really angry, because they hadn’t bothered for years to contact her. Please, as hard as it will be for you, use your energy to concentrate on the time you spend with your beautiful mother. Talk to her, hold her, tell her how much you love her, and you won’t be left with any regrets, unlike the people who’ve never bothered with her for years. I will be thinking of you, and praying that you find the strength and courage to get through this very hard time. And while all of this is going on in your life, please don’t forget to be kind to yourself. xxxxxx


  • There are no words to make this situation in any way more easy or that would sooth you. Please know that, that is what this site is all about – getting things out before you do burst. It’s impossible for me to fully know how I would feel in your situation, but I do sympathise with how you feel about your “instant” relatives. You must feel just so bombarded and full of grief and worn out to the bone. I wonder if hubby could tell these relatives to back off a little if is your and your family’s and your mothers wish to spend the remaining time together and in peace. May God be with you.


  • oh i wish i could give you a hug. there really are no words i can type to make things nicer for you or seem easier or better. but know that there are now many people thinking of you and your mum, and sending their love and prayers. i cant imagine how hard this is for you. but know that although it may never get easier to accept, it will get easier to function daily, and the pain will turn to memories of love. im sure it will still hurt but it will be easier to manage xxxx


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