Hello!

10 Comments

I have an 18 month old son, and so have a cupboard full of all sorts of baby items and clothing that are no longer being used. Anyway, I have friends who have had babies after me, and they have borrowed lots of things from us, and also I have given stuff away to them. I never ask for any thing in return, not that it’s offered anyway. But I have realised lately that these ‘friends’ tend to come to me first now to see what I have, before buying things for themselves. While I don’t mind lending certain items, I find that when it comes to myself needing anything, no one puts up their hand to help. I see them saving so much money by borrowing things from us, that we spent lot’s of money on, and then they are able to afford luxuries for themselves, etc. My little family is struggling financially at the moment, and this has really started to get me down. I am an admitted people-pleaser who tries hard to avoid confrontation…but how do I approach this? I love to help people out, and hate seeing people waste money on big ticket baby items, but they are all benefiting from us, and we are not getting ahead, or being offered any help from anyone in return.


Posted by mum2nim, 26th April 2013


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  • If there is a possiblily you may have another baby, only loan them on condition that they will be given back to you in condition when they have finished with them. If you definitely will not be having another baby, I suggest you make it known that you are selling the expensive items. If you don’t get any offers attempt to sell them to help yourselves. There are charities that well accept baby clothes in reason ably good condition and either sell them at low prices and use the funds to help those who need it or give them to those they know who have genuine need of them. Use the funds for things you need for yourselves…..I know of people who have been “used” when a couple have moved in together and have 2 of a lot of things. The surplus was literally scrounged by friends who later sold a lot of the things at a garage sale.(some were electrical items). When the couple found out they weren’t happy. They could have sold the things and benefited from the funds themselves.

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  • I am probably a bit like you. I give stuff away all the time and I cook meals for people all the time. One time I had given our pusher away and it was really funny having to go out and buy a new one for ourselves when we had another child and this person was still using the pusher we gave them for their other newer grandchild. I have also cooked so many meals for people when they are not well or just come home from hospital but I have probably only had one or two meal cooked for me when I have been unwell. It actually doesn’t bother me as you know what, I enjoy cooking and I am happy to have a newer pusher. Always do things without expecting anything in return. Just be happy with that and if some measure of gratitude comes froms the recepients then that is just a happy bonus.

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  • It is because you have a big heart and is easily taken advantage of and I have to be careful of that too , but I think now is being aware is good . Maybe from now on if you have anything good , instead of giving it away , try selling it on Gumtree or Ebay first. Then decide if you rather donate it . Communication to others and honesty is important so maybe next time say I need ” xxxx” can you help … and see if someone can help you for a change. You will find once you become a bit more assertive , you will also feel good about yourself . It is terrible being a doormat :(

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  • feeling little used

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  • Oh so many people are in the same situation. People like us with massive hearts who love to help others out…….never get the same back. Good guys finish last :( Maybe you should consider hiring out your big ticket baby items? Might limit the requests and also help you out a little

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  • Why not sell the items you no longer use, this would give you a little extra cash. If you plan on having other children, let people know you need that item back or just say you cannot lend it as you are not finished with it/.

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  • i like reading these stories it s fun

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  • exellent super story

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  • Maybe just say that as you no longer require the items you are going sell them and would they be interested in buying?

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  • Well maybe one day if you need a favour from them it would be easy for you to ask since they owe you so much :P

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