Ive been really hurt and I mean really hurt, I was in love with this man for 22 yrs we got together and where together for 2.5 yrs and he has destroyed me totally. My problem is im so lonely I have been talking to a man on a date site but its only been 3 months since this man left me and some times he sounds like he wants to come home but then he just never chooses to put me or our nearly 2 yr old son first. Is it to early to be involved with someone else I think it kind of is because I still have hope he will change even at 49 yrs old but don’t want to let him make me miss a chance of finding someone else that could be life changing. what to do?

Posted anonymously, 29th September 2014

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  • I’ve been there, and it never gets better. Almost killed me trying but some people just won’t change. You need a happy and HEALTHY relationship. If this new bloke makes you happy and doesn’t hurt you, why not see where it goes? or if you’re not ready yet, just be single and work on being happy without anyone. Your ex will only change when he wants to, and if he hasn’t yet then you need to move on for your sake and your son’s. So sorry, it’s truly awful but some people are just here to teach us a lesson.


  • It is not too early for you to find happiness. If he will not commit you owe him nothing and you and your son everything. Good luck in finding happiness.


  • some people are just bad for us. sometimes we just have to move on to find happiness.


  • I hope it all worked out ok and you have found happiness.


  • So far you have received some really great advice on here. I sincerely hope you are able to take some of it on board and understand your happiness and wishes in life are a valid priority. Wishing you the greatest of happiness and joy for the future.


  • I think it would be a great time to invest your thinking into yourself and your son. Find a new hobby or interest for you both. When you feel lonely give your son a hug, play an uplighting song, call a friend that makes you laugh. I wish you all the best :)


  • It does sound like you have things to work out before you could/should get into a new relationship. Why not try to build a friendship with the new guy, and then move to romance later if you feel it’s appropriate?


  • I’ll be blunt: People don’t really change and if you’ve been hurt over and over by this man then in your heart of hearts you know the score, still, it’s your life and your decision but while you’re still waiting for him to put you and your son first, what are you missing out in life? All the best x


  • Easy for me to say forget him but that’s what I think you need to do. He has psychologically broken you & you are empowering him to do so but letting him back into your life over & over again. You need some form of support counselling to help find yourself & self worth again. Having a chat online is good in helping boost yourself esteem but don’t go rushing into anything. Find & rebalance your mind & soul.

    • thanks I know I have to let go totally I know he is no good for me just loved him for so much for so long but he is who he is after all. Iam seeing a councillor atm and have been for about 6 months because I have struggled with this man just goes to show how badly he has effected me never had to get help in any relationship before. Thankyou for the support. :-)


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