On the 17th Dec 2013 I was enjoying my son’s school christmas concert when I received a miss call from my brother in law. Now that was strange because my sister and I are no longer close so having a call from him was strange. When I finally got through to call him back, He informed me that my Dad was rushed into hospital. He had a nasty fall in his flat and his room mate called my uncle to come pick him up and take him to the hospital, so thats just what my uncle did. I was told he is in emergency and my sister and uncle were down there and I should go and be there too.
Now for a long time we have been waiting for my Dad to pass away. In his younger days he was a heavy drinking and then he got into illegal drugs. He was an addict for a long time. We didnt expect him to be here for my sister’s wedding in 2009 but thankfully he was, we then didnt expect him to be here for my wedding in 2012 but thankfully he was. During the rest of 2012 and 2013 he didnt attend any of our kids birthday parties because he was too unwell but he always seemed to be pushing through.
Anyway I got to the ER and on the bed my sister and my dad were sitting. My sister was crying and my dad looked horrible. His nose has a big scratch taken out of it and it was covered in blood. He was a bit pale and very skinny but all he wanted was to go home. My sister and I sat there and told him it wasnt a good idea to go home and the doctor wanted him to stay over night to have a certain medicine put into his body. We fought back and fourth with him about going home. Even though he could hardly speak or move he still managed to insist he was going home and would be back in 2 days for the medicine.
The doctor came in and told him he needs the medicine and its his duty of care as a professional to not let him go home as he was too unwell and that if he did go home he would most likely not survive to come back in 2 days. We asked the nurse to give him something to put him to sleep as it was already 11pm, he had been sitting in the er since 7pm and was still in er in the morning.
He was finally moved up to a room and agreed that he was in the best place and to stop being stubborn.
For 3 days he was in hospital, the social worker came to speak to us about what was the next step for Dad. My sister and I sat out side his room while he had others to visit and started to speak about his funeral with tears running down our faces. Yes we have been expecting this for such a long time but when it finally hits that this is the start of the end as he has stage 4 liver cancer, it hits hard!
We told Mum we couldnt sit and ask him the questions regarding his furneral, wishes, belongings etc so asked if she could do it for us. Mum and Dad have been divorced since 1996 but love is still there between them, not the same love but certainly some love. And mum is a nurse for old people and knows how to speak to people about this stuff.
The day she decided to speak to him, I was there with her. I was pretending to fix the tv and kept coming in and out of the room. I did hear mum asking him about his funeral, saying sorry that she needs to talk about this but just incase, things need to be sorted. I heard him start crying, I heard him say sorry for everything he had done and this was all his fault, I heard him say he loved mum and wish they were still together and I also heard him cry for his mum. His mum ( my nanna) passed away from cancer 2011 which was hard on everyone. I cried so much that day listening to him and mum cry together but thats something ill never forget, The feeling of love and support was amazing.
He was discharged on the 21st dec 2013, the hospital said there was nothing more they could do for him and it was time to go home and pass away. Mum offered to have him come back and stay with him for the time he has left, so she can help look after him and so he would die in the house they lived together since 1993 and where he was most happy. We dreaded Christmas and all feared he wouldnt make it. Thankfully he did, although he wasnt feeling well most of the day, he was still here and we still got to share the day with him. New years, he was here and today 6th Jan he is still here
We are so thankful for the time we have with him but its heartbreaking that anyday could be his last. They gave him about 8 weeks maximum.
With all this going on, my prophylactic breast cancer surgery is also being organised. I have been waiting since 2012 for the surgery and Ive just signed the consent form and should be having surgery in March. Its very emotional but im so ready. but trying to prepare for this aswell as wait for my dad’s last day is emotional.
Each day is a blessing but the waiting is hard
Posted by mrsgreen12, 6th January 2014