I dont know what to do. I live far away from home, and I talk to my mother every week. About a year ago, my sister told me her and my stepdad realised she has an alcohol problem. It is really scary, and she has just started again. Stealing from my sister who still lives at home. Hiding empty bottles. I am terrified of what she will do when I tell her I know, and we dont see each other often, so it is getting very hard being ‘normal’ around her. I guess it just makes me very sad, and I feel I am at fault for living so far away with my children.

Posted anonymously, 12th June 2014

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  • I can imagine it must be very hard for you in this situation,l hope it all works out.


  • I suffer guilt from living so far away from my mum too. I moved states away years ago because of my dad. Now he’s gone, mums in her 80s and alone. Then I think, here I am feeling guilty…..mum doesn’t even contact me, why do I feel such guilt? The only time we talk is when I call her, she didn’t even ring for my birthday, just a text. So I decided to not contact her, just to see how long it would be before she contacted me……it’s been months


  • Will pray for you, dont blame yourself that will just paralyse you to do anything. I have had 2 friends who have had very destructive alcoholic partners, and it was years before they got help and faced them out. It is not easy as they can be very minipulative and you feel mean and blaming, but you are not you are caring…….book a phone call with the family GP if you cant go to the doctor where she is…..reach out for help, you cant go alone….and there is hope of healing……


  • Sorry to hear about your mum’s problem. She won’t be able to get better unless she confronts her problem. I think your sister, stepdad and yourself will need to get together with her and tell her you all want her to get well. Hopefully she will see she has a problem. A start with a check up with her GP would be a good idea. I wish you all the best.


  • I am wondering what made her want to drink in the first place? If it is at all possible to see her soon, tell her you know about the drinking and have a quite talk and ask if she has any problems or if she is unhappy in any way. If it is just that she licks the taste and the feeling it gives explain that you all are worried about the health problems it will cause and tell her that she needs to get professional help to stop and the family will still be there for her.
    I do wish you all the best in what ever you chose and hope mum finds the strength to seek help.


  • Dont blame yourself at all it has nothing to do with you, your not the one thats pouring the alcohol down your mums throat !!!!
    Even if you did still live at home or even close to your mum whats to say anything would be different if someone wants to drink then they will find a way to do whatever.
    I think if it were me i would tell my mum i knew and tell her that you want to help her get help and to stop drinking.
    Shes got to want to stop tho.


  • You are not at fault and if anything if she knows when you tell her when she is sober she will be the one who feels bad… Yes of course she will try and make you feel bad but that is part of her condition. You all need to ban together and get her help. If you, your sister and dad get together and get her into rehab she will hate you at the time but once she is sober and better she will thank you. While you all sit there letting it slide you are enabling her to continue the behaviour


  • No way your fault ,Your mum won’t be able to quit alchol till she admitts she’s got a problem .The hardest thing is seeing her in a bad state ,Maybe. talk to close friend & talk to her & explain how it hurts all the family &xseek Help from Drs or ring A.A .nice u care so much !


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