Hello!

14 Comments

I have 5 grandchildren, none of whom I get to see anymore because of their parents and their attitudes.
My son has 3, aged btw 12 and 4, but his partner of 13 yrs doesn’t get on with me, for various reasons, over the years its been a constant battle to remain civil with her. (I have always offered her love and support but to no avail)
Last year she was unfaithful to my son, even leaving the 3 children with me (unknowingly on my part) on occasions to go out with her “best friend” for lunch, dinner etc, when in fact it was another man she was seeing all along, for a total of 8 months!!!
I haven’t seen them for 6 months and my heart aches everyday that passes without contact. (Cannot even send mail to them, birthday cards, presents etc)
My 27 year old daughter has been diagnosed with Scitzophrenia, and her 2 children live with their father and paternal grandmother, the youngest of whom I cared for until Sept last year for 2 and a half years. He is 4. I now have no contact with him as his father has regained full custody through the courts.
Grandparents should have rights too, especially when circumstances are beyond their control, but it seems we just have to grin and bare it.
Hopefully when they are old enough to make their own decisions, they will come look for me. Fingers crossed.


Posted anonymously, 5th April 2014


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  • Do you know where the Dad with his children are??? Would he consent to you visiting them at his place or an neutral one. There has to be a good reason that he has been given full custody. I don’t know what state you live in or whether or not you are a pensioner. You could make an appt. to see somebody at Legal Aid or Legal Services Commission and get some verbal advice to see if there is any way you can legally have at least a visit to see them. There may be restrictions that you have to swear that you will tell your daughter nothing at all. The laws may vary between states and the Govt. bodies have different names.

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  • this story is good

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  • Sorry to hear about your story. Have you thought about joining a grandparents support group? There are groups that can offer you support and you can talk to people in a similar situation.

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  • What sad story, hope things change and you regain contact with your grandchildren, all the best.

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  • I do hope you get to have time with all your family, its never nice hearing of people being kept seperated

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  • Have you thought about reaching out to the other grandparents involved and asking for photos or letters to be exchanged?

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  • If it is any comfort to you, we simply don’t talk about my parents. We don’t tell bad stories about them. When my children are older – and may ask more questions – we plan to start with something reasonably neutral. I don’t want my kids to have to deal with my bitterness either. I know it’s not what you want, but if they’re simply not talkiing about you, that’s better than you’re imagining.

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  • Thank you so much for your comments, really does help to have other opinions to listen to….BellaB, I am so sorry that your childhood memories are not good ones, this I do agree with, some parents should never be allowed to have access to their grandchildren when they are not deserving, my own mother was the same, treated me and my siblings horribly, so I understand what your saying, I felt the same way when I had my own, and we had limited contact with her for that reason…..I just wish I could turn the button off that pulls at my heartstrings every time I see a picture or hear them mentioned….my first granddaughter just turned 8 and I wished her a silent “happy birthday” and went about my day as usual….but, alas, I am not the only grandparent who is in this situation I am sure, and as an adult, I have coping mechanisms to help me, unfortunately, the children are the ones who are suffering…..god only knows what ugly stories they are hearing about me from their parents…..thanks again for your comments, really do appreciate them all…..

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  • This is very sad, I think the daughter in law must be very embarrassed but your son should still bring the kids to see you (just make sure you dont mention the wife or let him bring it up) and the other granma and father should also let you see the kids, maybe try to organise a time and place with them?? god luck hope you get to see them all soon xx

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  • Reading this made me so sad, I feel so sorry for you. I hope this gets sorted and you do get to see your grandchildren. My parents were never really grandparents, they found children to be annoying. So to have such a caring grandparent would have been wonderful.

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  • Grandparents do have legal rights to see their Grand Children I suggest you seek legal advice

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  • I feel very sorry that you are in this situation. How heartbreaking to be a care giver and then abruptly not able to see the children. I really hope the people concerned see the light and see that you in the children’s life is beneficial to them.

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  • Without knowing the full story (you might be a very good person) I see no particular reason why grandparents generally should have rights. Why should my parents get to visit the same unpleasantness on my kids as I had to deal with?

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  • I’m pretty sure Grandparents do have rights (especially as you were the primary caregiver for years), but I really wouldn’t go through the court system unless you absolutely had to. I really hope that you can come to some agreement with the parents of these gorgeous children; put all your differences aside and the needs of the children first because grandparents are an essential part of children’s lives. They have a special sort of love and a soft place for children to fall. Are the parents/grandparents open to mediation with a third party? I suggest you see a psychologist or therapist to help you cope with the situation and plan your next step. I wish you the best of luck.

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